Lost my husband

Barry died suddenly without illness from pulmonary embolism Sept 2020. I was with him for 19 1/2 years. My heart is broken people say don’t cry I know how you feelbut they not unless you have lost a partner/husband. I amso lonely lost hurt angry broken hearted not knowing where to turn to for help.

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I’m sorry you have lost your husband and had to join our sad community. Hopefully us about will be able to come back on here and tell us Barry

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So sorry you are here with us sad, bereaved guys…
But, i am 10 months in myself. I would advice you, and its only what a friend told me after her loss, and that was…
We are all very similar, to a pressure cooker we all bubble along, with all emotions bubbling inside, contained…every so often, we have to release that pressure, let some of the steam out… whether that is crying , shouting, or jumping up on down…what ever releases all that emotions. This is perfectly normal, and very necessary… if others are about, yes its uncomfortable, but sometimes our control is not something we can do… this is raw animal loss and grieving. What i do know, holding in, shying away, is not good for you, or our wellbeing…and there is not right, wrong or length of time. Bless you
X

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Hi Pepsu
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband a mere 9 weeks ago and I too am lost. He had been poorly but if it weren’t for this awful Covid we would have had more time. We had been together 27 years and I feel some days like a limb has gone, other days I am brave and feel life goes on. People say I will get used to it and I am sure they are right - we just have to plod on I guess. I have times when I am very angry and have to try and keep a lid on it for the sake of our children - they have both been so strong for me I don’t feel I can burden them, although they tell me daily that I can!
The feeling of emptiness is the worst, after the craziness and upset of sorting the funeral it’s empty. The lockdown really isn’t helping any of us at all - can’t even catch up for a good moan/cry with our mates. That is why I joined this group and so far I have discovered that everything I am feeling is normal. The pain in my heart, the endless grazing (gone from eating nothing to grazing like a heifer!) I even have had pain in my teeth and pains all over my joints.
I am sure we will all get through this eventually but until we start to feel a bit better we can support one another
Take care x

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Hi Sue

I can relate to everything you have said, I lost my husband 12 weeks ago, we had been together 32 years. He had been poorly for a number of years and we had been together 24/7 as he had been shielding since March. Unfortunately he had to go in hospital in September 20 due to an exacerbation of his Bronchiectasis and caught Covid. If it wasn’t for Covid we would have had more good years together.
I too feel lost, alone and afraid of a future without him, friends say I have to make a different life without him, which I realise is true but they don’t understand the depth of my grief. I don’t think anyone can understand unless they have lost a partner which is why I find reading these posts so helpful. At times I have thought I was going mad and it really does help to know that my feelings are normal.
Christy

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Hi Christine
Thank you for taking the time to respond, just back from walking the dogs but I can’t clear this blooming headache I’ve had since I woke this morning…I have already read so many posts that reassure me that I’m not alone in my thoughts and feelings. A hot cuppa and some mindless daytime telly I think x

Sorry Christy…predicted text

Hi it is so sad just trying to take one day at a time. Some days even hour by hour. Some days easier but others so hard.

Hi Pepsu I’ve only been at this awful slog a few months but the people telling you not to cry are nuts. I’d like to see how they cope in our position.

Take care of yourself. There are times I wish I was south American or from Greece or somewhere where they can scream their grief and thats normal. British (and many other countries) grieving is not normal but that seems to be what we’re stuck with. Treating normal tears about a life changing monumental loss like an embarrassment or a period or something.
I hope you’re having a better evening today.

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