Lost my husband

I lost my husband 2 weeks ago and I’m just in complete despair I can’t accept he’s gone and I don’t want to live without him he was everything to me we were inseparable and still in love after 10 years we have a 4 year old son who is autistic so it’s really hard . What makes it worse for me is that last November he had CT scan that revealed thickening in his colon , they started a procedure but didn’t finish it and were meant to , there was no urgency about it and yet the letter my doctor received was completely different and stated it was suspicious I feel so cheated that the outcome could have been different but instead we were un aware until it got bad and the tumor caused a blockage which meant major surgery for him and he already had COPD . He started to recover and was ok the first 3 weeks then he went down hill it was up and down and he even came home for a week but had to be re admitted then after a week he passed away i just can’t accept it at all

Dear Kerrywalker123,
I am so very sorry, you must be in complete shock, how heartbreaking, my husband of thirty years was fit and healthy, no symptoms whatsoever and started feeling tiredness and thought he would get it checked out, and a blood test showed a problem with the liver. He was diagnosed with terminal bowel cancer and was gone within two months. I am still struggling to believe he has gone 5 months later. We were soulmates and were inseparable too. I hope you have family/friends who can support you and that this community will be of some comfort to you too.
Sending big hugs. Xx

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Thank you for your reply , that is just heartbreaking what happened to you and your husband, mine had no symptoms either, apart from a little bit of a pain near his appendix, he had bloods done and ultrasound which didn’t reveal anything then they done the CT scan which showed thickening, also a chest CT was done but no results were sent to us or our GP , that and the fact that his colonoscopy was only half done are why I went down formal complaints route which is still on going . I think i am still in shock and I just can’t believe he’s not going to be here anymore he went into hospital with a tummy pain and was gone 6 weeks later and there were points I thought he would be ok then have some treatment so keep the cancer at bay , it had spread to his liver and lungs from his ceacum which is part of the colon by the appendix so was that pain all along , I have a grown up daughter who is staying with me but I just feel so alone we have a 4 year old boy too it’s so very hard . Life is so so cruel , sending you hugs too xx

I am so sorry for your loss and the wrong information.
That always makes it worse
There isn’t anything that I can do or say to make it better for you
But I am here if you wish to talk.
Do you know Jesus?
Honestly that really helped me.
My husband had a blockage as well. He just couldn’t catch his breath.
Please write me if you need to

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It was a very similar kind of cancer as my husband,it spread from the caecum to other areas, the liver and stomach, it’s hard to believe he had it without knowing or having any symptoms, but the consultant said this can happen and it was the speed in which he went that was so shocking.
He didn’t have a chance to have surgery or chemo and the doctor just said there is nothing I can do for you,it just broke my heart, it was so cruel the whole thing. He was such a lovely, kind, gentle man and a gentleman as many write in their condolence cards, we were so devoted to each other, we had no children as we got married later in life, 39 and 41 yrs. I am so lost without him and so very lonely. I’m glad you have your daughter with you, and not alone. Xx


Blessings to you.
I just want to say a small prayer.

Father God
You know what’s going on
Please hold Kerry in Your hands and embrace her with Your love and give her Your grace to continue in Your love.

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Sounds as though caecum cancer can go undetected I couldn’t believe he had no symptoms either but , we were hoping he could have some chemo once he had recovered from the surgery but he we had been told it couldn’t be cured , he had problems 3 weeks following surgery and they hadn’t been able to remove the tumour as it was stuck , so they had to do a bypass to bypass the blockage, he started to get some bleeding and then respiratory failure he did get over that but it’ happened again after he had been home for 1 week so it was like being given false hope when he was discharged only to be re admitted . I know you know exactly how I’m feeling it’s just the worst thing and all I want is him it’s so overwhelming the feeling of not being able to see him or speak to him again it’s like I don’t believe it’s true

Thank you :pray:

Gary 54
Thank you for your message , it’s so very hard and yes the fact I feel let down by the hospital doesn’t help at all
I feel as tho they could have acted sooner and maybe had he been able to have some chemo treatment the tumour may not have got to the point it caused the blockage and he wouldn’t have had to go through major surgery which caused this to happen , it’s still very surreal to me as it was all so fast and such a shock . I’m glad you have found some help in Jesus I would be interested to know how it helped , I do believe in god and I have prayed a lot

Hi Kerry
The reason how it helped me was that,I fully gave the whole situation of my husband passing to Him.
Every morning I read my Bible and asked God to help me.
I also know without a doubt that my sweet Gary is with Jesus from the second he passed.
That in itself gave me so much comfort.
In my earthly self of course I wanted him back and I had had enough already.
But really my Gary is in a better place than me.
I felt this quite early on from after he passed.
So as you can see I don’t question God why, I just leave it at His feet.
God is so forgiving and kind that I started to heal.
I am not completely healed because sometimes I feel sad, but that is completely normal.
But my life as a whole is better than the fog it was in the earlier days of his death.
He passed on Nov2020.
I hope this helps
I am gonna be here so if you need to talk I can.

I lost my husband 2 weeks ago and I totally understand your pain and shock. It is terrifying. My husband was diagnosed with lung cancer which spread to his liver. We are in the early stages of grief and there is no easy way to get through it. Reach out if you can, I have a couple of friends who have supported me through the last year. I miss him so much. He was my love and best friend. Hopefully we will find the strength to get through it.

thank you for sharing that with me , sounds like it’s
Really brought you some much needed comfort
I hope I can find some one day too .

Sending hugs

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I’m So sorry for your loss. It’ so totally unbearable I still think my husband will be coming back it’s like Iv blocked out what happened , it’s like disbelief for me I know it’s
Very early days but it’s hard to imagine how I will live
Without him , I hope we find that strength too

I would do anything to turn back the clock or to wake up from this nightmare. One half of my brain is telling me he isn’t coming back, the other half is telling me it can’t be right that I’ll never see him again. I know which half I want to believe. 6 weeks ago I was happy, contented and special to someone. It shows you how quickly things can change when you least expect.


I really empathise with the sense of shock - my husband died 18 days ago after a roller coaster ride with two separate cancers - pancreatic cancer killed him rapidly and it was heart breaking to witness. He deteriorated so rapidly that we didn’t have time to sort our affairs out to the point of handover where I felt confident to cope or plan for a future without his help - I am mainly wheelchair bound and relied on him a lot. But more important we were very close emotionally, together for over 30 years, best friends and soul mates.
When we have that kind of relationship it’s impossible not to feel totally bereft. So, I accept that what I’m feeling is normal - it’s the thought of the intensity of it going on and on that scares me.
I’m really sorry for all the losses that are here and don’t have any answers - just hoping that the pain gradually gets less for everyone and life has some brighter moments in it.


Hi Willow1
I am so sorry for your loss and that you are wheel chair bound.
That must make it worse for you.
So sorry.
Can you get help from Carers.
To come by and check you are ok.
My aunt has weekly carers who stop by. She uses sticks.
I feel your pain and hope you can get some help.
Do you know Jesus?
I have experienced help from above.
If you need to talk, I am here.
Don’t hesitate
Gary 54

Kerry, it’s awful I get these waves of panic and anxiety, thinking this can’t be real, we were so happy living our lives and then wham, out of the blue everything changed and it was like a nightmare being given that diagnosis. I thought we had many more years together. Somehow we have to learn to live with our pain. We will never stop loving and missing them, keep sharing your thoughts and feelings it does help to know others are there for you. Take care Hugs. Gentle5 xx

Gentle 5 that’s exactly how I am I get these overwhelming anxious feelings and I feel like I can’t breathe . I don’t know if I will ever accept not being with him , I feel the same we were just so happy living our lives together so happy and so close I just don’t know how I will get through and I feel like I don’t even want to not without him I feel like there’s nothing for me in the future now I try and carry on for the children I know that’s what he would want but it’s just really impossible. Sending you hugs x

It’s so very hard, and my heart goes out to you. No one can understand the pain unless they’ve been through it themselves. I put on a brave front for my friends and family but underneath I am totally broken and I miss him so much it’s so unbearable. He was my best friend, made me feel safe, was always there for me, there is such a big hole in my life that can’t ever be filled. :disappointed_relieved:

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My heart goes out to you too , he was such a strong person and he was one of those that people came to for advice he was so very knowledgable and he always helped everyone he has left such a massive massive hole in our lives I miss him so much i feel like I drag myself through every minute of the day , I still feel like it’s not really happening I haven’t had the funeral yet I’m absolutely dreading it because I don’t want to say goodbye x