Lost my husband

I’ve just recently lostt my husband. Feeling lonely, and depleted. In those first weeks I seemed to be coping well. Suddenly things aren’t good. The realisation that I’m now alone is suddenly daunting and sad. At the moment things are in a fog, and overwhelming.

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I too think that the point when I came to realize that she’s gone forever is the hardest. At that moment I know my life is changed forever. Our dreams and love everything are shattered to pieces. I couldn’t help thinking things were so good just weeks ago. Just can’t stop asking why.
Initially it can be rather raw. Breath, go slowly. My thoughts are with you…

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My dear Maria3,
My heart goes out to you, sincerely… These communities on these bereavement sites can be the acorn for the mighty oak. As members we never complain only compassion and understanding. All on here have had absolute loss, we have all paid the piper for the total love we had. It’s actually rather odd in a way, because we are all united in grief on here yet our views can be quite different.
Everybody’s story has a sliver of emotion for us, we all sit an sob uncontrollably while we read a members plite into the darkness. Everybody prays for each others oblivion to end to see a crumb of relief against the unrelenting sorrow we all succumb to in our own journeys.
Personally, my wife passed away 3 months ago from cancer she was 47 and battled till her last breath . She was my absolute beginning and life. She was taken from me, and I broke my promise to her.
There are no words I can say to you to ease the pain unfortunately. That is a personal quest for you to decide. But to ease your burden of grief I have been suicidal, sleep is some mythical concept unknown to me. Sadness and sorrow are the darkest and deepest places to be, so we are all trying to find that crystal clear spot of light to enter our lives and show us the way.
I do promise you this, in the solitude of grief and sorrow the community Will pray for you. You may gain some solace occasionally but it’s a long hard path we take to endure the all consuming pain we feel.
Do not be embarrassed with your memories as we all have our own feelings and emotions to help each other. I’m a 53 year man and I don’t give a s*** what people think of me, being a man and expected to control my emotions in check. When our lives are forever altered who has the right to decide how you deal with your own battle with sorrow.
We will all pray for you xx

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I have also just lost my husband, 5 weeks ago. I have just joined this forum, and cannot offer any words to help. This is just to say I understand - I feel desolate and people say it takes time. I just want to know how I cope with the now, while the time passes. I feel your pain Maria, and all I can say is, your post has made me feel less alone.

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Hi Maria3

So very sorry about your loss. I lost my husband a year ago this week and it is a very hard journey for all of us. I still wake up in the morning and feel sickly somehow. I can’t believe I haven’t seem him for a year!

However, for me there have been reasonable days and bad days, bad patches, a roller coaster of emotions. We all have to keep going, my husband told me he wanted me to carry on and enjoy life, I wish? I try to block my thoughts of I can’t carry on without him as I know I should be thinking I can do this! I know I am lucky to be supported by family and friends, they have their own lives too.

Keep going and try and appreciate what you have got. Think they say 3 years for grieving, how can that erase a 45 year relationship? It can’t, but I think the memories get less painful? And we get a bit stronger?

Big hug Maria3.

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I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband unexpectedly and with no warning 3 months ago. We still don’t know why. Initially, all you can do is take it one breath at a time - and try to eat and sleep as best you can. Take support from wherever you can, but know that some people won’t know what to say or will say the wrong thing. There is not a minute that goes by when I don’t think of my wonderful man and wonder why me and my children have to endure this pain. I don’t think that I will ever understand life and I don’t think I will ever really have a life after this - not one that compares in any way to what I had before. Everyone here understands because we are all on a life that we didn’t choose and didn’t want. Take care - sending hugs

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If anyone thinks you should keep your emotions in check then they haven’t got a clue! My husband was always the one to cry at a sad film first - he was kind and caring and I wouldn’t have had him any other way. That fact that he could and would show his emotions made him the wonderful human being that he was.

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Thank you Jules4,
It does seem there is a slight stigma for a man to keep his emotions in check. My trouble is keeping them under control so I don’t lose the plot on the tea and coffee Isle in tesco. At home the tissue box is close at hand so the cork can pop at any time. Thinking about it Sammy was like yourself, she loved that I was an emotional man. I think it may have been a race to the tissue box between your husband and I though… Prayer to you x

Thank you Setantii. I think it builds a strong relationship when people are up front about their emotions. There isn’t the second guessing or the misunderstanding. My husband was never afraid to show how he felt and neither was I. That is what I so miss. We went for a walk a few months ago and passed an older couple holding hands out on their walk. He just nudged me, pointed and said - couples goals. I nodded. How I wish so much that we could fulfil that goal. I don’t know how to be someone who is not part of a loving couple. It’s all we ever wanted. Sitting here crying now - I miss him so much.

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yeah…me too. Never imagine I would be not in a loving relationship…life doesn’t have any meaning without love.
A few days before she passed we had a walk by the harbor. There were lots of young couples. We sat on a bench, she said time flied…we were middle age couple already… she always said she hope we could get old together, preferably die on the same day so no one of us would be left behind…this was our dream which we would never fulfill…
tears roll down my cheeks when I think of this loss…
((hug))…

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I honestly thought that we would grow old together. My dad was 70 when he died so I knew not to take for granted that we would get into our 70s or 80s together - that would be a bonus. But 50 - and no warning just seems so cruel. We had always tried to protect our children from pain as much as possible yet I can’t protect them from the worst thing of losing a parent.

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Hi Maria
I’m so sorry for your loss I to have very recently lost my loving husband of 25years
I’m heartbroken
My emotions are all over
I’m really struggling to cope
Have got the funeral coming up
I’m terrified
I’m always here if you want to talk
Take care
Marie x

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last night I had dinner with my daughter. I told her even though the loss we experience was devastating for us, I wish she would learn to have compassion for those who suffer. There are so many tragedies in this world…I wish she learn to live for the day as we have no control of tomorrow. That’s the very thing her mother want me, a pessimistic man who tend to worry a lot, to do. I wish she’d be a better person when she got through this grieving journey…
As for me,I can’t see I would get anything positive from this loss…
…sigh…

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My husband was always one for living in the present. After he died, I found various things on his computer - a quote about all we have is the present, a video called Regrets about if you had only one day left what would you do, the message about is not the destination it’s the glory of the ride. He was aware (as was I) about making the most of the time we have but I don’t know how to do that now as I can’t enjoy things knowing that I will never get to hold him and have a conversation with him again,

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I feel your pain my husband passed away 10 months ago after a 7 month battle to cancer, a day before he was taken to hospital we went to the park and it was beautiful, we didn’t realise it would be our last one. He wea 49 when he dead and I was 40 we used to talk about getting old together. The pain is unbearably I miss him so much. Dawn

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Life is so unfair and cruel. My heart breaks for us all who have lost a soulmate but it also breaks for all of our children who should have their parents with them. Sending hugs

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I’m so so sorry Dawn
I feel like my life has ended I’m in so much pain
He was my world my soul mate my protector
I could do anything as long as I had him
I feel so weak and lost my world has stood still
Everywhere I look there’s something reminds me of him
Marie x

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Hello there Dotty666,
Believe me when I say that apart from my Sammy leaving me the funeral was the hardest thing I have ever had to endure in public. The long lost family that approaches to say sorry, friends who you don’t recognise, all saying sorry. But for selfish reasons I don’t want hear sorry I just want her back with me, so stuff your apologies. The all consuming grief of that day still fills my heads to bursting, I have to sit with my head in my hands and sob till there are no more tears. Because that day is a blur of people, flowers, apologises and gut tearing sorrow. I don’t think there is anyone on this site who would not give a seconds thought to not wanting to bring back their loved ones. Just to hug them and say goodbye even.
And to be honest when I do see couples walking linked together I do get a huge pang of jealousy.
I actually don’t think there anything anyone could say to you to relieve the grief. As the saying goes ‘you never get over it, you just get used to it’.
Prayers to you x

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Dotty666
My husband was all how you described, he was my best friend, soul mate, protector, my whole world. I don’t want to do anything but I have to as I have to daughters and they have just had there first birthdays without there dad, I feel in constant pain. But I try and put a brave face on for work and my girls, but I just want to scream. Dawn

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Setantii

I know how you feel when it comes to all the apology it’s so hard, my husbands brother was herendous he talked all the way through the service, and made it all about him. I was so hurt. Dawn

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