My wife and I had a trip to Taiwan a month before she passed. We went there to get our residence permit( we planned to retire there in 2022). We spend 14 days in hotel for quarantine. We were together 24 hours a day. Breakfast, morning exercise. chatter in front of the window, some online work in the afternoon, dinner, chatter looking over Taipei at night…there was never a boring moment. Looking back it was like time was running out and she made it up by staying on my side as much as possible…I’ve never imagined that was our last trip.
I understand your agony. This is a living hell. My thoughts go to you…
5 Likes
I feel the same. it’s hard to have joy without your love one. Happiness is to be shared. Everything seems meaningless now.
3 Likes
I felt strangely calm during the funeral but couldn’t talk to people anyway because just 6 of us left and went to the crematorium. We couldn’t have a wake as numbers wouldn’t allow so didn’t get chance to talk then either. Tomorrow we have to endure the burial of his heart as the Coroner has released it. Then we will still have to wait for the report. If restrictions allow, we will be having a memorial in the summer for all of those people who couldn’t come because of numbers or had to stand outside the church. I just crumble when people tell me what a wonderful person he was. I know - you don’t have to tell me, that’s why this is heartbreaking torture!
3 Likes
My happiness came from seeing his happiness and vice versa. We loved to travel and see new places, experience new things. That is another void because I haven’t got him to share it with now. I know he would want me to still go and I have looked at companies that do solo travel but I never thought it would come to this.
3 Likes
True love is to sacrifice. You always think of your love one before yourself…and if you see him suffer, it’s doubly heartbreaking…
We love traveling too. We spend a lot of time traveling together: first we want our daughter to see the world; second we think those are precious moments for us to savour when we get old…
Indeed we had a lot of happy memories. But I dare not think about them as when I do so the heartache is so unbearable. I won’t open my FB now as I fear some of our travel photos pop up and remind me of my loss…
3 Likes
My goodness, the most important part of him was kept from you… 
. The only thing I could say to console you is, he’s whole again. And he can give you strength and positive energy to take the next tiny step.
Thoughts and prayers to you x
2 Likes
Thank you. Yes the problem is that we can’t cremate it as there wouldn’t be any ashes left to go with the rest that we have in an urn at home so we are having to carry out a burial into the family grave. Not what I wanted but the best that can be done.
3 Likes
All you can do is your best for your hubby. Especially with all the extra rules and restrictions of late. At least when you stand at the graveside just know that everyone on here stands with you.
That page can be turned at least without extra sorrow hanging over you. God bless your husband, sincerely… My hand on my heart…
Hugs and prayers to you x
2 Likes
Thank you so much, it means a lot.
2 Likes
Dear Dawn41
I could have written your post. My brother-in-law shared his proposed eulogy and was asked to change it as it read more like a speech at a wedding and there was little if nothing referring to my husband. It was all about him and his family. He tweaked it only marginally. I can honestly say if my elderly mother had not been in the church I would have got up and screamed for him to just shut up. Needless to say the relationship is now strained. Fortunately our son also did the family eulogy and it was wonderful, all about his dad.
2 Likes
Dear Jules4
I am so sorry that you have to endure the burial. Until I read your post I had totally forgot that they took samples from my husband, think it may have been tissue samples. I seem to recall that my son gave permission for them to be retained for research rather than returned. My life is just a constant blur now clearly.
I was restricted with the numbers and thought I would have a memorial for those who could not attend. But to be honest I have scaled this right back, I just could not cope with larger numbers of people now. I really do just want to run away and hide.
The things we have to endure are unbearable.
2 Likes
To be honest, I do not like being around large numbers of people - especially when my husband should be there at my side as he always was. However, so many people have been so supportive. Some drove hours to stand outside the church and then drive back again. Some elderly relatives didn’t come because they couldn’t stand outside. It may be hard but all the way through I have just wanted to do my husband justice and so I will plod on. It is made harder at the moment because his death has had such an impact on his mother she is now very poorly and may not be able to come home, let alone come to a memorial.
1 Like
Dear Jules4
I understand.
I know what you mean there were so many people who could not come and show their respects. But I have so many people wanting to have an opinion on the occasion, the kids and me now just want the scattering of my husband’s ashes to be a quiet affair.
Some of my husband’s former workmates have suggested a fund-raiser for the Great North Air Ambulance in memory of my husband and we are considering this.
I am sorry about your mother-in-law, it only adds to your grief and also impacts on your children.
I have no doubt that you will and your children do your husband justice.
2 Likes
Thank you. We are lucky, we have only had one ‘blip’ to do with difference of opinion and all but one agreed with what I was doing anyway and they were the most relevant people. We all have to do what is best for us at the worst time of our life so you must do what is right for you. We are suffering enough without putting our feelings aside for others at this time.
3 Likes
Thankyou so much for your message and words of comfort x
2 Likes
Jules4
I know it’s so hard, my mother in law was ill with cancer and dementia so I could not tell her that her son had died, as this would of made things much worse for her. She then passed away on the 27th of December. Its just so hard. X
1 Like
Maria 3 I lost my husband 2 years ago and things have improved a bit thanks for friends and family but I miss him and always will i is natural but gets a bit
easier as I go along.
Jean
2 Likes
I do think that whilst there is never the best time to leave this mortal coil, Christmas has to he the worst of all. It’s usually the time for family, games, presents and all the trimmings.
I must admit this coming Christmas will he the first on my own. I think I’m not looking forward to the invitations, because people know I’m on my own. A pessimistic me would say it’s pity. And I know for a fact no one ever wants pity…
My first hurdle is our 15th wedding anniversary at the end of August. And to compound the issue my birthday is the next day… Now there’s a thought for me to wrestle with. Oh dear!!!
2 Likes
We married on my dad’s birthday (13 March) and since my dad died in 2010 my husband was always there to get me through the day. It was incredibly hard but if I am being honest not as difficult as Christmas. I usually hosted the family at this time of the year so my son did the dinner and it was a struggle. I asked for no presents then and I will be the same this coming year. My birthday is the month before and I have eradicated that date, along with the day my husband was killed, from the calendar. I know people might think it silly but as you say these are all times when the family got together and celebrated - I personally cannot face these occasions without my husband. For Christmas Day - with two little grandsons, I will put on my mask and then withdraw so that they can have fun as a family as they should.
There are no words that I can say to help you on either of these dates. You will know how much or how little you want to do and how you want to mark these occasions.
3 Likes
It’s so hard isn’t it. I spent my last Wedding Anniversary with my husband at the Chapel of Rest. That date will always be so very, very hard when it was a day that I always loved. It’s my son’s birthday soon and, of course, Father’s Day. I don’t think there is going to be a month of the year when there isn’t some date associated with us. Everything has been flipped on its head - from dates we would look forward to and enjoy to ones we now dread.
2 Likes