Lost my husband

Losing a partner
1

Hi everyone,

I have lost my husband over a month ago to brain cancer. He was only diagnosed 14 months ago.

He was only 28.

We have been together for nearly a decade.

The past year just seems like a blur, and now it’s really difficult to adjust to life without treatments and appointments and medication to fill out. All tasks have been completed, there is nothing else left that I can do for him, my life now without it’s purpose.

The pain is just unbearable, he was the sweetest man and nothing in life will ever be as good again.
It is so painful to not be able to talk and laugh with him anymore, and to not be able to hear his precious voice in real life ever again.

I can’t sleep, I just wake up over and over again. And when I do sleep, I either have happy normal dreams with him, only to wake up and have the crushing realisation set in. Or I have the bad dreams, where I’m either watching him die, or the ones where I’m re-living holding up his sick bowl at home.

I’m not suicidal at all, but I wish I could just close my eyes and will my body to die.

In my grief books a lot of topics revolve around how ‘‘it’s ok to feel relief that they’re out of pain’’. I do not have this at all. I am not relieved in the slightest, this is cruel and I’m angry at the universe for taking him from me.

One positive that I have been thinking about is how amazing our relationship was. I’m not being in denial or romanticising memories; it really is the truth.
Of course we had arguments like everybody else, but we always worked through everything, hardly ever argued about the same thing twice, never took each other for granted and we always spoke to each other about how happy we are and how much we love each other.

x

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Hi Mags

I’ve just posted about the loss of my husband, we’d been together 36 years. This was only 5 weeks ago so I cant really offer you any words of wisdom at this point, only to let you know I completely understand your grief

But to lose your love at such a young age is truly sad, I so much for you and how cheated you must feel of the future of a long life together, I feel that even after the time me and my Ken had, I still wanted more. Big hugs to you xx

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I lost my husband at the end of August to pancreatic cancer 7 months after diagnosis. He made his 50th birthday the week before.
I understand the anger. I to am angry that the world hasn’t stopped and people are still going about their normal lives. In my eyes how can they be, don’t they realise what’s happened. People say to me at least he isn’t suffering anymore and the selfish part of me wishes he was still here even if he was suffering because it would mean i would still have him. I already have people saying “your only young you’ve still got the rest of your life” and I want to scream that they don’t realise my life is over without him. I’m fed up hearing your so brave and strong. People don’t see the real me sitting in the bath crying or ringing his phone just to hear his voice.
I think what I’m trying to say is that even though this is the most alone you ever felt, on here we are not alone xx

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