Lost My Husband

This last year has been hard with the loss of my husband. He passed 18/2/18 with COPD. We were together 10yrs but only got married 7 months before he died, I work full time and have to force myself everyday to go but do it with a smile on my face and when i go home its just me and the dog until i get up and do the same thing the next day. I think because i moved to be with my husband i now feel isolated from everyone and looking to move nearer my own family which in the long run is the right thing to do as i feel myself now becoming selfish when some-one comes to visit as i am so used to being alone with my thoughts i dont like them to be disturbed. I hate to feel like that. People dont know how i am really feeling as i am always the laughing and jokey type. I sometimes have dark thoughts that i wouldnt be missed if i wasnt here but i wouldnt do anything about it as i wouldnt put my family through that. I am looking forward to moving back to where my family are but at the same time not looking forward to leaving where my husband and i had a happy life. He was my 3rd husband and where i thought 3rd time lucky as he was the one i waited on all my life and he got taken from me.I know i am not the only one who feels like this and sometimes think i am being selfish as there is worse things in this world. Sorry everyone rant over for now. Takecare all

Oh I and many others can relate to your message. Your not ranting your just saying what you feel. Most of your post is exactly how I feel and I know many others will also think the same, so although it’s so hard at least your not alone in your grief.
It was our third marriage for both of us and we used to say we had got it right third time lucky. We had been married 30 yrs but it doesn’t matter how long you was together the loss, loneliness and fear is still the same. Like you I live alone with my two dogs and without them I would have gone mad. I too am considering moving closer to my family but don’t know if I’m strong enough to do it yet, or even if I really want to. Such a mix up goes on in your head at a time like this. I was talking to a woman this morning while walking the dogs, she too lost her husband but it was some years ago and she said that she now likes living alone and even asked her son to move out, so that she could have her own space. I wonder if I will ever feel like that. Your not being selfish your trying to find a way through this and to get a sort of life back. Whatever you decide to do will be for you and what you want and I wish you the best of luck. Pat xxx

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Thank you Pat for your kind words. I just feel so lost and alone. It’s like your in a room full of people but still alone it’s horrible. Xxx

The worst feeling ever. No matter how kind people try to be, it’s just no good. The loneliness and fear is something I never planned for, I thought I would be able to cope, and think I have to a certain extent but the slightest little thing will send me flying backwards again and then I have to start all over. Life can be so unfair, and I wonder why we are being punished so much for loving someone. There must be an easier way but there just isn’t we have to go the course of grief and try somehow to get through it. Take care xxx

I totally agree with what you’re saying and I am pleased I am not the only one who feels this way. Hopefully there is some light at the end of the tunnel. You take care to and thanks xxx