Lost my mam haven’t felt with it

I lost my mam just over 4 years ago to lung cancer I’ve not actually delt with it I just smile and pretend I’m all good but I actually don’t enjoy life I’ve plenty of happy memories of my mam but they are all over shadowed with that last memory of watching her leave every night as I try go sleep I hear them last noises I think about how she’s not coming back I find everything so unfair why her? I’m constantly feeling like I’m nobody’s anybody who actually loves me no one checks on how I am it’s like everyone’s over it and I’m still there stuck on that day I don’t know how to get on to the stage of believing she’s actually gone I’ve just hurried my head I cry at everything literally I can see rubbish acting on tv but soon as they cry I’m crying


Hi @Annes.daughter,
Sorry to hear your struggling so much with the sad loss of your mam.
My mom passed away 2 years ago from brain tumors, the empty spaces are still there, I hate living at my dad’s house because there are just too many ghosts & sad memories, so I get how that feels.
I’m sure our mom’s would want us to have full & happy lives, but I’m sure mom is there in spirit.
When they pass, losing a parent is a big shock, even if we knew in advance what was coming, it hits you like a brick, for me, I pretty much stayed on autopilot for the first 2 years, it’s only in the last few months that my brain has started to thaw out. I have bouts of crying, moments where I feel I need a hug, but mom’s not there. I keep busy, but there’s always something.
The only thing I can say is, take it one day at a time, & maybe check what support is available in your area.
Sending hugs of support.