Lost my mom 3 days ago

My mom passed away 3 days ago she was poorly always tired I told family her friends she was poorly nobody listened to me other then my partner. Managed to ger her to hospital a month and half ago but because of covid I was not aloud to stay with her they ran tests blood work all of that stuff she told me she just had low potassium levels. She had an addiction to codeine for 20 years because the doctors got her on them in in the first place cause she pains with her back after giving birth to my sister
She was always taking alot a day and alot of the times it was mixed with ibrofun neurofen plus. But we found out yesterday her mate had kept from us how serious her results were and it could of been cancer. I am waiting on post mortem results to see what the cause was me and my sister found her in her bed looked like she had sadly passed in her sleep tried to bring her back it was to late. I’m now finding it hard to even enter the house to go and see my sister and niece I can’t bare to walk in there without seeing my mom there who has been there for 31 years of my life just a weird energy there now when I try to. We are having to somehow trying to find the money to pay for the funeral why having our own family to support aswell finding it hard to even know what to do or say to anyone at the moment my head is a mess miss her so much. She was never the the same after losing her son 16 years ago to suicide which was my brother I was only 16 at the time of that happening and had so much to deal with as a kid back then. I’m just struggling right now mentally I miss her so much stress with trying to sort funeral out and waiting on results to see what took my mom away and having to still do my responsibilities as a father at the same time every day the past 3 days feels like I’m having to climb mountains just want to lock myself away from everything and everyone one minute I’m angry then upset then today just felt numb no emotions at all. I just need assurance that it is normal to feel that way why trying to process everything right now she wouldn’t want me to be happy do my best for my children not lock myself away and slip back in depression in a dark place again. I just need to be mentally right to help my sister who is only 21 and is alot to to deal with for her right now. I also have a baby due in 2 days aswell. The thing that puts me at ease is I know shes up there now with my brother her son and that was all she ever wanted was to see him feel him again and I know there both looking over us now. Just anyone that could help talk to me who has been threw this there self’s I just need to know what I’m feeling and emotions are normall and that I’m doing things the right way I need to be strong and there for my children I can’t have them seeing there days fall to pieces they need me and I need them to help me threw this time right now. Thankyou

deepest sympathy. it is so very hard. time helps but with a mother it takes a long time to feel better. grief support classes helped me a lot.

this board does, too. take care dear person. you are not alone in this greatest of losses. :gift_heart:

Hi Mike,

I’m so so sorry for your loss. I lost my mum just 9 days ago and I’m massively struggling too. I’m also 31 and feel way too young to be losing my mum. The thought of all these years ahead without her is pretty unbearable.

Finding this site has been amazing, everyone here is in the same position so we all know how it feels. Talk to people on here I promise it helps.

It’s an impossible situation isn’t it. The person who has been there for your entire life is now gone. It’s so huge to comprehend.

I’ve found that getting out does help a bit, even if it’s just for a walk. If people offer you help then take it. If you ever want to talk them I’m here, anytime at all.

I wish I could tell you the magic secret to make it better bad sadly there isn’t anything.

Keep strong.

Lucy x

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Yeah its very hard always had her there for me and my kids and now in blink of eye shes gone. Cornoner rang me today and there the obvs reason for cause of death so they have had to take samples from organs going to be atleasr 2 months or longer till I find out why she passed away so sudden. I’ve started making arrangements for funeral etc today had to sign forms what I want done with samples when they have finished there examination. I just want to get funeral done and get her laid to rest now so then I can focus on my children and deal with the grief just got so much to do at the moment to have chance to deal with the emotional side of things. If I weren’t for my children and partner don’t think I would of holded myself together how I have done. Ur not in this alone if u need someone to talk to im here. Think just got to process it all and try and get used to not having them around anymore thats what they would want for us to carry on with life and not be upset and down x

Thank you you for sharing your sad experience Mike, and welcome to the community. It’s never easy to lose a parent.

Hopefully you’ll find comfort and advice helpful from other posts.

Sharing experiences and realising that you are not alone in how you are feeling, may help you to get through some of the difficult things that you currently have to deal with.

Take things one step at a time and focus on completing one task before moving on through the huge list that is in front of you.

Take care and stay in touch - people are here to support you.

Jolene1

And getting outside, even for a short time, to clear your head and to breathe can help more than hiding away.

I have to wait a couple of months to find out the cause of death too and also had to sign the tissue sample forms. It makes it more confusing when you have to wait so long for answers.

It’s good that you have your kids and partner to support you, make sure you hold onto that and lean on them when you need it.

It is hard but of course they would want us to carry on, they will always be with us, even though they aren’t here physically.

Yeah its confusing big time my mom hasn’t looked well for a long time losing her son mentally messed her up I managed to get her the help get her sorted my kids gave her a reason with us aswell to carry on she lost so much weight shadow of her self. I’m just glad she’s no longer suffering now she wouldn’t want me to carry on for my children not to be upset even tho right now I could just break down. My son has just been born and his poorly being transfered to birmgham children’s everything happening all at once. If u ever feel low or need someone to talk to my inbox is open keep ya chin up :slight_smile:

Sometimes you can do everything you can in your power to help but it won’t save them. Thinking of them no longer suffering can bring some comfort.

Oh wow congratulations! He was born on my mums birthday! I hope he gets better soon but I’m sure he’s a fighter.

Same goes to you if you ever need to talk. Keep us updated on your son.

Hi. Update my son is fine now had his operation everything went smooth just monthly check ups now. Buried my mom last Friday gave her the nest send of I could. Still struggling now finding it so hard not having her around anymore miss her so much her voice has faded from my memory :cry: I just so wish the hospital and doctors had done there jobs she would still be hear if they had. My children are devastated still my oldest can’t bare to walk into my moms house still. I just feel scared going on in life without her what if I mess up or make wrong choices and she’s not there now to put me back on tracks. I just never thought I would be dealing with this at 31 she was only 54 what age is that to just die in your sleep without any explanation yet. I need the closure of that just need to know what took of from us. Hope your well and still coping okay x

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No one listened to me either I’m so angry my family no one it was like the docs and nurses saw her as 73 and written off no she was my mum and I loved her so much no one helped her it could of all possibly been prevented if someone had of listened mums always made things Better I need her so much right now

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when my dad died, my mother said, “it is never enough,” meaning that there is no time limit on how much you need them around.

what makes me mad about people is we are so trained to be “practical.” I know life is not perfect and is built on Nature, but at least westerners are so hard-core about deep feelings.

“they” want us rushing along to suit the “matrix” and to heck with how each individual, feels.

I am so sorry for your loss. I know it well and it is wrenching. to hell with the “system.”

p.s. I know couples who got married in their early 70s! younger people can be so callous. I guess I was callous too, before I lost my parents.

I just can’t let it go the hospital and doctors could of prevented her death instead they didn’t do full health check they wrote everything of to anemic instead of checking clear symptoms of illness if post mortem comes back and shows they clearly messed up im taking it to court. My moms life was cut short because she put trust in nursery at the hospital and professional people and they didn’t do there job. I know its hard but you just have to find that inner strength to carry on each day and pull threw it your stronger then you think and your mom would wajtbyou to live your life. Life’s to short no one knows when its time up