Lost my mom in 2021, now lost my dad

Hi everyone! I am fairly new here, and wanted to share my story and hopefully get some insight.

My parents divorced when I was 5. My mom moved to Colorado when I was 8 after she remarried. I choose to live with my dad in Southern Illinois. I am close to my mom, but I was always a daddy’s little girl. My mom and step-dad had a second child when I was 8, so I have a half brother who I am close too. My dad remarried when I was 10, but never had any other children.

So with that back story out of the way…here is my story of grief. In April 2021 my 71 year old mom received the second dose of the Moderna Covid vaccination. 24 hours later she lost all feeling below the waist. She was rushed to the ER. They sent her home after observation, and reported the issue to the CDC. Two weeks later in the middle of May 2021 mom had fluid building in her abdomen. Again she was rushed to the ER. Her blood work came back with bad liver enzymes. They did a scan and showed the liver looked abnormal. They did a liver biopsy and it showed severe liver damage. At that point she couldn’t walk, liver damage, and spent from mid may until end of June in the hospital. My mom never drank or smoked. Finally at the end of June she went on hospice and passed away June 29th 2021 71 years old. I flew out to Colorado but she died a few hours before I got there. We did talk on the phone the night before hospice and told each other everything we needed too. I cried, went through all the grief stages, and then some.

My 74 year old dad was diagnosed with stage 2 lung cancer a week after my momma died. He went through chemo and radiation from September 2021 to December 2021. He lost a lot of weight, but other than that we were hopeful. In February 2022 he had a scan and it showed the cancer was almost gone. All was looking good. Than in April he was having trouble swallowing. We took him to the hospital and his esophagus had shrunk, which was a side affect of radiation. The doctor put a stint in his esophagus to stretch it out. It stayed in 6 weeks and was taken out on May 11th 2022. All seemed better, he was able to eat again and everything. Then on May 28th he was rushed to the ER having trouble swallowing and drinking water. Then my nightmare began. I spent a week and a half at the hospital with my stepmom. His breathing got worse so he was transferred to the ICU. His blood pressure was so low they tried to give him meds to bring it back up. We found out a few days into the hospital stay he had developed a hole between his esophagus and trachea. So he developed pneumonia from trying to drink water. On Thursday June 2nd they had to put him on a ventilator because of his O2. The next day they attempted to do surgery to correct that hole, but his blood pressure bottomed out, so they had to stop the surgery. On Saturday June 4th my stepmom and I met with the docs and they said he is very sick, his lungs are in bad shape, and there is nothing more they can do. He was sedated the whole time he was on the ventilator so he wasn’t awake. He was tough and always thought he was going to best this and go home. On Sunday June 5th 2022 we gathered family and close friends at the ICU, said our goodbyes, had a Priest come in and pray with us. They removed the ventilator but kept him sedated. He passed away 1 hour later. I am crying just typing this. I am totally devastated. I am fortunate to have a wonderful husband who has been very supportive. I am 47 with no kids, except a big Germam Shepherd which is my baby. He wished to be cremated, and we had a funeral a week after his passing at our Catholic Church. To my surprise I was able to hold it together for the funeral, I think I made dad proud. There were hundreds of people there, my dad was well liked. I cried non stop at the hospital, and the whole week leading up to the funeral, and every day since.

One thing that really surprised me was the amount of people who came up to me to tell me how much my dad talked about me all the time, and how proud he was of me. I went to his office and the ONLY picture he had on his desk was a pick of my dad and me when I graduated from college.

Sorry for the long story, I have more to add and will later. Thank so much everyone for taking the time to read and respond. Hugs to everyone going through this kind of pain.

Dear @Thorpuppy

I am sorry to hear of the loss of your parents and thank you for sharing a very personal post. This could not have been easy for you to write.

We can all identify with the pain you are going through. Have you had a look at the Sue Ryder Grief Self-Help Service ? This service has useful information and support which will help you understand and cope with your bereavement and grief.

In the search bar if you type Loss of a parent you can connect with members who have experienced what you are going through. The support is amazing.

Please continue to reach out and take care.


Thanks so much Pepsi! I appreciate your kind words. Did you know Pepsi was my dad’s favorite soda. He always had some at his house! I will check out that site for sure. It is great to belong to a community where everyone knows how you are feeling!

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Hi everyone. It’s me again…not too many responses but that’s ok. Today is July 4th Independence Day here in the United States. This was one of my dad’s favorite days. He went all out, BBQ, fireworks, and everything. I have so many great memories. So Today has been really hard with all those memories. I cried a lot today for sure. I miss my daddy so much! If he could talk to me right now he would say, “I am ok kiddo, and I love you…pop”. :sleepy:

Dear Thorpuppy,
your story is full of love between you and your dad. I’m sure you will continue to miss him, and your mum, but I hope you are also able to hold on to all the good memories and know that they both loved you. It must have been difficult not being able to be with your mum when she passed but it sounds as if you managed to say your goodbyes before hand.
Thank goodness you have the support of your husband and the devotion of your beloved dog to help you through this most difficult time. I wish you strength and hope as you continue your grief journey and that in time you find comfort as you remember the love you shared with both your parents. Take care.

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Dear JJBee,

Thank you so much for your kind words. That means a lot to me! It is so incredibly hard to loose a parent, especially both of them. I am luck to have a great support system. You are so right…I do take comfort knowing how much I was loved by both my parents. I was very lucky to have two wonderful parents for 46 years (my mom) and 47 years (my dad).

Hugs and take care also!

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