Lost my Mum 2 weeks ago today

Still cannot quite believe I am writing this, but 2 weeks ago today my Mum passed away with myself and my daughter holding her hand. She was in hospital but they kept telling us she would get better and had even talked about when she was discharged. Then two days before she died the consultant told us she would only ever be able to come out to a nursing home and be on oxygen 24/7. She had pneumonia and it had destroyed her lungs, she was only 77. I cannot explain how I feel, it just feels so wrong. I am relieved that she didn’t have to come into a nursing home as she would have hated it, she was such an active person it would have destroyed her being in one.

I am terribly scared because although I am crying and at times the sadness is unbearable, there are moments where I feel ok and that terrifies me, surely I should be devastated every second. Lots of people have told me it gets worse and worse and that frightens me beyond belief.

I lived in a different country from my Mum and am back in my own home for a week before heading back for the funeral and am wondering if I am basically in denial as life in my day to day home hasn’t really changed. I am sensible and know she has gone, I have had to deal with all the administration that comes from the loss of a loved one, and each time I had to tell someone she had died I broke down, so I know its true.

Has anyone been through grief and had moments where they are ok, or am I just weird.

I loved my Mum above everyone else, she was my best friend, but when my Dad died 10 years ago, i felt like I became her parent, so maybe I started grieving then. I have no regrets (which everyone seems to talk about having) because I did everything for my Mum and there was nothing else I could have done. I dropped everything when she needed me and did anything she needed me to.

Not sure what I am asking for really, but I would love to talk to someone who knows what I am going through.

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So sorry for the loss of your mum. You’re not weird. I lost my mum 5 months ago and i felt very much the same. I would be in floods of tears one minute then feeling quite normal the next.

Even now i still can dissolve into tears at the least little reminder of her, although most of the time i’m ok.

Grief is a strange thing and it takes different people in different ways. Just take each day as it comes , don’t beat yourself up if you have a good day and take time to be kind to yourself.

Sending love.

Hi Ellie

Thank you so much for making me feel a bit more normal. It is so nice that someone understands how I feel.

I dont know whether it helps that someone said to me, it is a right of passage to lose a parent. If you grow into old age you will lose parents and knowing that everyone must go through this is a comfort. if that makes any sense.

I have only just found this online chat at Sue Ryder and already it is helping.

Sending hugs to you

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I know EXACTLY what you’re going through. Lost my mum 4 weeks ago (still can’t believe I’m writing that), she was my best friend too. She was also in hospital and the end came very quickly and unexpectedly. She had cancer but was doing ok.
I had been grieving since she was diagnosed earlier in the year and I absolutely fell apart then. Couldn’t eat, sleep or work. I got medication from the doctor which I know has helped me.
When she died I felt relieved that she wasn’t suffering anymore but obviously devastated and angry that it had come to that. She was just 80.
I have been staying with my dad and looking after him and making all the funeral arrangements but in the most I’m feeling ok and I question everyday why I feel ok and that it’s not right to feel ok surely? I know the medication must be helping but I feel so guilty for just carrying on with life (as she would have wanted).
I’m feeling down today and wondering when the downhill slope is going to kick in as I know it’s going to hit me one day soon.
I have found forums like this invaluable so here anytime you want to talk but just wanted to say I could have written your post.
Sending hugs xx

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Hi Ali, it’s good to talk and compare our journeys, I know exactly how you feel, because I was the same, good sometimes, in tears at others. I cant understand why someone would tell you it gets worse and worse. It doesn’t, the bad times get easier and the good times become longer and happier. Absolutely no need to worry about it. I’ve just been chatting to my late wife, and it was as normal, a few tears and a lot of happy memories. It gets easier and easier as time goes on.
I’ve worked very hard at being aware of my thoughts and feelings (they go together) and after 3 months I rarely think of her, except when I choose to, and during our daily chats. It might take longer for you to recover, because we are human and are therefore different.
I decided I needed to work at how I wanted my new life to be, and took actions. Of course I have regrets, I think it’s compulsory. I cant do anything about them, because I cant turn the clock back, but again, we are human, nobody gets everything right. I’m sure my wife had regrets as well, but I forgave her, and forgave myself at the same time. Forgive yourself!