Lost my mum after her 13 year fight

#1

My mum passed away this year after fighting cancer for 13 years. Every obstacle every bit of bad news or treatment that was thrown at her she took in her stride. But after getting the flu and being emitted to hospital after three weeks she passed away.
I’m only 20 years old as she passed exactly a month before me 20th birthday. I didn’t celebrate my birthday as felt it was wrong to do it without her.
Now every time I win something at work or get one step closer to a promotion or something stilly like I’ve made something new and want to show her I break down. I never do it in front of people and everyone tells me I’m handling it very well but inside I am falling apart and can’t cope.

I still live at home with my dad and little brother and rarely see my other family. I cook dinner go food shopping feel like I’ve taken over the role of mum. Don’t get me wrong I don’t mind but I feel like I’m stuck in my own head and am scared of what my life is going to be like with out the most important person my mum.

I just don’t know what to do anymore.

#2

I’m so sorry to hera how ou feel. I thbnk everyone on the site will know too. The pain is bad and I do know. At your age losing someone so close can be heart breaking.
No, we do try and put a barve face on grief which ledas people to believe we are ‘over it’. But the apin inside is indescribable. You have taken over as mum, and with working too your time must be well taken up. But try and give yourself SELF time. Treat yourself and be kind to YOU.
You shared so much with your mum, and the lonliness of having no one to really share with ois painful. I find that one of the worse aspects of grief.
You don’t know what to do anymore. All you can do is what we all do, press on with your life as best you can. It’s early days yet for you and your family.
It’s amazing where the strength comes from to cope. It’s a struggle at times but we do eventually pull through. Nothing will ever be the same, of course not, but the pain does ease just a little, slowly.
I suggest you keep posting and there are many here that share your circumstances. Take heart. We are here for you so you are far from alone. Blessings.

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#3

The message went before I could check the spelling. I tend to write then check after. It seems to happen a lot lately.

#4

Thank you I guess telling your story and feelings to people you don’t know feels easier but it’s so much better knowing that you feel the same and have similar circumstances. Thank you for your kind words.