Lost my mum and not coping

I lost my mum in a very sudden and traumatic way and I was the one who found her. It was her funeral a few days ago and I just feel so lost and numb. She lived with me before her death and I can barely stand being in this house anymore, especially when my daughter is at her fathers and I’m alone, these are the times I get lost in my head and in my grief. I go over so many what ifs and feel so much guilt that I can’t stop crying. I either feel desperately sad or absolutely nothing at all. I’m struggling to eat and sleep. I just don’t know what to do.

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deep sympathy … NOTHING YOU CAN DO. you have to let grief do its thing. so let is have its way with you and go through the process. you will be better in a year. :heart:

Firstly I’m so sorry for your loss and the trauma of finding your mum having already lost her, I can’t imagine how that feels :broken_heart:.Feeling lost and numb are two of the many things I felt, sometimes I still do. The loss of somebody important is so very difficult. Unfortunately there’s nothing we can do but to try and put one foot in front of each other, minute by minute. I understand how awful it can be living in your head. I spend a lot of time fighting to get out of mine.
My eating and sleeping have already gone through lots of different patterns, but I try to eat when I’m hungry enough to manage bits, try and listen to your body, it will help in letting you know……try whatever you find easiest, sometimes instead of toast I’ll just eat bread or a banana if I can, soup or noodles (softer food is easier!) and I’ve found a sleeping routine has helped, bed around the same time, wake around the same times…I can’t control it,but it’s helped…I also found I couldn’t stay in on my own so I’m always finding somewhere to walk (not easy in this weather!)
Be very gentle with yourself, you’re in early days. Don’t expect much from yourself. You probably won’t get it and there’s no point in adding anymore pressure.
I hope we all find our way in this,it will take as long as it takes. Keep posting/reading the forum….we’re here and listening :broken_heart:

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I’m so sorry to read this, I lost my dad suddenly but we knew his death would be the outcome of his accident so we at least had a couple of days to deal with it. That said it was still a huge shock to have to deal with, there is no way to deal with it you just have to go through the motions & take each day at a time. I’m 15 weeks in & we are all still trying to come to terms with what’s happened. Shock is a strange thing & it will be with you for a while. All I can say is be kind to yourself, talk about it as much as you can as I find that helps, try & speak to people who know what you’re going through. I threw myself into work & helping my mum but j don’t suggest that as I’m paying for it now, you definitely need to take time out for yourself. Sending you strength x

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It’s so comforting that what I’m going through is normal. Thank you so much for your replies. I’m trying to take it day by day but it’s hard, some days it literally feels like a bullet is ripping through me. I’ll keep on reading through this forum, it’s really helping.

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@Wanderingwomble sorry for the awful loss of your Mum, it’s so very heartbreaking. Everything you’ve mentioned is very normal and there’s some great advice already given here. Remember grief has no timeline and triggers can pop up when you least expect it. I completely understand how emotional it must be for you in the house. In time, hopefully happier memories will return as you adapt and process the shock of your experience. Take care xx

Lost my dad who lived with me, so I understand all too well the feeling of barely being able to stand being in the house. It’s torture every day, that emptiness. I’m sorry for your loss and the way it happened, it must be ever so hard for you. :heart:

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Firstly I am sorry for your loss. I’m going through the same thing right now so know just how horrible it is knocking about the house alone with nothing but your thoughts for company. Hardest thing in the world isn’t it. Sending you strength :blue_heart:

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I dread each new day right now, living with that emptiness and my own thoughts. So sorry to hear you’re struggling with the same, it really is horrible beyond words.

I went through this about eight years ago. most awful chapter in life. I wish you the best.

Everyday is just me going through the motions, people keep on making the “lights are on but nobodies home.” Joke, they’re not being cruel but it’s true. I literally feel like I’m existing and I’m not enjoying it! I’d love to sleep through the whole Christmas period but I’d need to be able to sleep for that!

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@Wanderingwomble you will get through these difficult times. Check through all the advice and guidance so that you can pick out ideas that might work for you. Keep going because everyday you are moving forward. Best wishes xx