I lost my mum in February. She had completed her cancer treatment. I live in London and work in a school. My dad was adamant that he wanted to prevent her picking up any infections while she was immunosuppressed as I work in a school and am exposed to all sorts of viruses, I waited till she got to ring the bell after her last treatment to go and visit her. We planned a celebration and the champagne was on ice so to speak. When we were travelling up my dad texted me to say that they wouldn’t be coming to visit us in the cottage we had booked as mum was unwell and was feeling exhausted. I saw her on the Saturday and the following Tuesday. My dad texted me to say she had been admitted to hospital on the Thursday and that she was not in a good way. I visited her for the last time in the Friday and asked her if she was sicker than she was letting on and if she had held off seeing a doctor because I was visiting, she said no. I asked her if I needed to stay and she said no. Her organs had already started to fail when I was travelling back to London. When I spoke to my dad on the Monday the prognosis was bad so I caught the first train I could. I got a call from my brother in law who told me that my mum would pass away soon and that I should get there as soon as possible. I got to the hospital 2 minutes after she passed. I can’t get over walking into that room and her being gone. I keep replaying that moment over and over. Me and my family were lucky if that’s the right word that mum had a proper funeral. I have thrown myself into work, and moved house since her passing, but I feel I’m only half a person and the sense of loss is getting worse. It’s now affecting my work I don’t want to go to my doctor as the NHS is so stretched at the moment, I feel overwhelmed and don’t know where to turn.
Hi. Hanc66. I am so sorry for your loss. It may seem a long time, but February is not all that long ago, and what has gone on in between has not helped any of us one bit.
I think you are unwise not to see your GP. They are telling us that in spite of covid the NHS is still open for normal patients.
If you don’t want medication you could get some advice.
Counselling can help a lot too, and Sue Ryder have a counselling service. If I tell you it will ease it won’t mean a lot at the moment. Distractions help in the short term, but we still have to come back to living with ourselves. It’s in the quiet moments it hits the hardest. Be kind to yourself and send love to your loved one. It is my belief they still know and feel that love. Take care. John.
Hi Hanc66, I replied to your message on another thread I’m in, but I just wanted to say sorry again for your loss. Losing a parent or anyone close is devastating. I wasn’t there when my Mum passed in March either and it is something that weighs on my mind a lot. By the time my Dad called me as he didn’t realise she was so close, there was no way I could have got there in time. I’m glad you have decided to join here, as I have found it very supportive since joining and feel it has helped me to talk about it. I struggle to talk to anyone close to me about it and my friends have their own families and lives to lead so I don’t want to bother them. I have found the only thing that helps me is to keep busy, I have a young son so I am busy in the day with him, but I find the evenings difficult. I have lost interest in things that used to bring me happiness, such as crafts, mainly because my Mum had similar interests too so I find it hard. Feel free to message anytime if it helps you to talk. Take care x
thank you for your kind words I have realised that I can’t get through this alone x
Thank you it’s has been so hard and I find the nights particularly traumatic. The head in the school where I work has been incredibly supportive but there’s only so much she can do to help.
I realised the same, I am the type of person that puts on a brave face and appears to be doing ok when I’m not. I think we all need support when grieving, whether that is from people going through the same, family/friends or professional help. I hope you find it helpful to at least write down your feelings. I have definitely found it helps me to be honest instead of bottling it all up x
Today was my first step acknowledging I need help to get through this I really appreciate all the messages so far. It’s been a very lonely place
Yes indeed! Going it alone should never be an option. A few try it and maybe succeed, but we are human beings and as such need help and companionship in times of trouble. This may all be virtual here, but when I first came on it helped me so much, so I continue trying to help. God alone knows how we get through this pain, but we do, and you will find many encouraging posts here. Not everyone will agree, but I feel we have to allow emotions to come and give ourselves time and more time. Once you acknowledge you need help it is a big step forward. We have to reach out, as you have done. It won’t come to us, we have to go and find it, then a whole new world opens up. We realise we are far from alone. Nights are the worse for so many. Mornings can be horrendous too.
‘Overwhelmed and don’t know where to turn’. Oh yes, we all know that feeling. It’s all part of this process called grief and is to be expected. That’s not to say it goes on forever, that depends on our attitude to it and how we cope.
Keep posting whenever you want. Everyone here knows and cares. Best wishes. John.
Thank you my mum was the one I turned to in life’s crises I was laid in bed thinking who would be the best person for me to talk to I just kept on coming back to her. The pain of her loss hit me so hard
It was exactly the same for me, my Mum was not only my Mum but my friend. I could talk to her about anything and I always went to her for advice etc. It is so hard when the one person you would turn to in all of this is no longer there. We’re here if you need to talk x
Thank you I never thought it would be this bad