Lost my mum and struggling

Hello, my name is Charlie, I recently lost my mum to various infections, she passed away at the beginning of October just one day after her birthday, she was only 60. I’m really struggling to the point I spoke with a doctor, unfortunately because it’s still early they can’t offer me counselling, I’ve been having bad dreams and I fear going to sleep at the moment. I also feel like a failure for crying in front of the rest of my family and I don’t know why. They keep telling me it’s ok but inside I feel I shouldn’t. I feel I have to be strong for them and not show I’m upset. I can’t get that out of my head. Has anyone else felt like this? Xx

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Hi Charlie. I just wanted to reach out and recognise that feeling you have over sleep. I too lie awake and worry about closing my eyes in case I don’t wake up. And then when I do fall asleep through sheer exhaustion, I have terrible dreams. I miss my mum so much. Take care Charlie x

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Hi daisy
I’m sorry for the loss of your mum too
My fear is closing my eyes and having more nightmares
They are so vivid and feel so real it’s hard
If you feel like chatting feel free to message me xx
Take care too xx

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Hi Charlie, I just wanted to reach out to say I identify with your feelings of failure around showing emotion. After losing my mum to cancer last Christmas, I have never felt comfortable crying even in front of my now husband who has been an absolute rock. And I went out of my way to convey to friends and family that I was doing ok even when I wasn’t really. Don’t be hard on yourself, however you feel or don’t feel is valid, but one thing is certain, you’re not a failure because of it. Grief is so personal and so very hard. I’m sorry your doctor hasn’t been helpful around counselling but there are definitely other options out there e.g. Samaritans, Cruse, and if affordable could be worth considering private bereavement counselling at least until you can access local services just as it tends to be much quicker. Just in case that helps.

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