Lost My Mum My EVERYTHING

Well done for reading the poem. I’ve now lost both parents. My Mum suddenly four months ago. I feel very lost too. Take care

Well that’s that day done. Quite possibly the most surreal day of our lives. You probably won’t think about it much now. That poem is beautiful I find it difficult to read as it makes me howl. But I do love it. I’m so sorry you have lost both parents so close together. It’s been nearly 6 months since mum has gone, to lose another loved in the midst of your grief is too much to bear.

Ok so it’s been a day of ups and downs. Right now a complete down. Just can’t believe my mum has gone out that this pain will ever go. I just don’t understand.

Didn’t help that the funeral director rang yesterday to say her ashes are ready to be collected already.

My mum is my best friend, I don’t have anyone else, what do I do now without her.

Life is a complete shit

Scarlet
I’m completely with you.i havent stopped crying today. I havent been this inconsolable for weeks.
I miss my mum so much and I think of things she would say and I think, how can it be almost 8 months since I heard her say that?
The pain is excruciating and I dont know how I’m going to get through it.
Have you decided when you will collect your mums ashes and what you plan to do with them?
Cheryl x

Hi Scarlet
It is so hard. I am a similar age to yourself. I am 43 and lost my mum New Year’s Day. The thoughts of going on without her is agony. I was thinking earlier 10 years time I will be 53 and that will be 10 years without being able to talk to mum. I guess somehow we will all get through this awful time, not sure how but we will.

I have cried all day today. My dad is thinking of moving near me. And I’m so happy but I keep picturing their house being empty and mum not moving with him. And that’s the last trace of her gone. It’s like a knife stuck in my heart.

Sorry Cheryl you’ve had a bad day too. I wasn’t as bad Thursday but yesterday just kept falling apart. Managed to hold it together fire a big presentation at work and that seemed to take it out of me. I seem to have half the energy, if that, that I did previously and it’s gone I can’t hold it together anymore.

The ashes are being scattered on my baby brothers grave who died at 12 weeks and my nieces grave who died at a day old. Children were the centre of mums life and she’d want To be near the ones we lost.

Hope you have a better day today, don’t think I’ve got any tears left

Hi Barrie1376,

Sorry your suffering this way too, it’s the worst time I can ever imagine happening in my life.

That’s a hard thought too to take in. Everyone else has their parents or at least one parent around them, they just don’t understand. I’m now completely alone without guidance how do I get through my problems without her to be my sounding board? my confidant? I’m supposed to have her for longer.

I really was a mess yesterday. I think I depleted my energy and resilience, will have a quiet day, slowly tidy, craft and let my husband look after me- he’s struggling seeing me so upset and but being able to fix it.

Take care of yourself

Hi Jooles,

It was hard leaving mums last week as it’s now empty, no dogs, no cat, no mum.

I find little pieces of writing that I read and reread to help me this is one you may like…image

2 Likes

Thanks scarlet.
The thing is that I’m much further down the line at almost 8 months and yet I’m still capable of crying all day long sometimes.
I dont know how I’m going to spend the rest of my life without my mum. The despair and hopelessness hit me the last 2 days.
It aounds like a lovely resting place for your mum. I scattered my mum in a garden of remembrance close to her parents, my grandparents grave the cemetery wouldn’t let me scatter them any closer to the graves than that.
I hope we all have a better day. I’m so worried about this storm that’s coming, it might take my mind off mum a bit x

Cheryl, I hope the weekend is better for you.
I also can’t image my life without Mum by my side. Except, for 10 years in my life, Mum and I were always together.
The is no one that I can talk to like my Mum. There just isn’t that depth and the subject matter wouldn’t work with other people.
It’s going to take a long time to come to terms with it all.
It’s also a bit of a balance grieving and trying to keep healthy at the same time. I find crying totally physically depletes me. It makes me feel run down. In the end I have to try and have a day where I keep it together just for my health.

Hi Cheryl and others on this thread i have just read through. It will be 2 years on 5th March that i lost my mum, mostly i am numb, stuck and i feel like everyone has just forgotten about her. I keep waiting to feel better, never sought counselling or been on a forum like this as i find it hard to find words to explain what lives inside me now. I have had a terrible day because i went somewhere I shouldn’t have gone today and her anniversary is coming and i can’t cope with it. What i think i am trying to say is time doesn’t matter, if its 8 months or almost 2 years it can still be just as raw as the day your world stopped as hers ended. Never have i known a pain like this. Just wanted to say that, sorry if i don’t make much sense. Sending love to all who suffer loss, Gem x

Gem sorry for your loss. I actually explained to my friend yesterday. I will live with this pain now for the rest of my life. There is no getting better. There is no getting over it. I will now carry this pain with me forever.

Hey, i knew it would be awful when i lost mum, she had dementia for 4 years so i lost bit by bit everything of her mostly. Then on end of life care for a month when all that snow came down 2 years ago, countless times i watched her stop breathing, my heart sank and then she would start again. I prayed that she would go, she suffered thats for sure and I’m so angry about that. When she died i just wanted her back, what i would give for one more day but it would never be enough. I knew it would hurt but i was never prepared for this and its only me that feels like this in the family. I know it. I am sorry for your loss x

Hi Gem,
Nothing can fill the place of your mom. We are all just organic machines and break down - its not fair. We should go with the ones we love but yet we remain. We form such tight bonds only to lose them so painfully. So sorry for your loss and pain. We have no choice but to carry on … so we must find things to bring us joy and hope and lift our spirit. That is what we do - we are humans. We are good at that.
Ell

1 Like

Morning all
I’m accepting that I need to cry, need time to comprehend that my mum has gone, need time to myself. Need to remember the wonderful experiences I had with mum. I stare at photos, write to her, talk to her. It’s just so hard and I’m just so sad. I find myself at home alone and would normally have picked up the phone, got a cup of tea and called her. No one can come near to filling the void left, she was truly unique and my only one. I don’t have any friends that I share what I did with her. It’s just so hard to drag myself out of bed, to work, to see people, there seems little point.

I have these dark days then I have a good day, want to celebrate the life I have, the wonderful husband I love and friends who keep checking up on me. I want to make her proud and finish the things she started.

I think a hard part is I am the oldest (42 now), I’m supposed to be the matriarch. I remember when this happened to mum- only a few years ago, she explained it was difficult. Now I’m there I completely understand. Worse still in having to do it without her, her guidance or her hugs.

I’m tired, lonely and just so god damn sad.

Scarlet
Everything you have written applies to me (except I’m 49 and I wish I was 42)
Not many people have their mum as their best friends like we did and the hole they have left is massive.
We will get there, we have to.
Cheryl x

My Mum was my best friend. I just didn’t realise it or acknowledge it. There are conversations which she would only get, be interested in and understand.
For me it is not only a traumatic loss but also having to start a new life without her.
I still can’t believe my eyes. The fact that she’s not sitting on the settee in her sitting room.

Totally agree daffy x

Evening all

Hope you’ve had good days. Mine has been mixed. As ever I have an overwhelming sense of sadness but I went to work. Colleagues there have been very supportive and I’m very lucky to have that. I’m being careful to not get too tired because I physically and mentally collapse when that happens. I have a job where it’s possible to sit read, write and listen to music and I’m finding that reasonable. I’m struggling hugely to concentrate and stay on task but I’m trying to do small tasks.

I’m home alone right now, it’s proving to be difficult. My husband will be home in a bit. I’d normally be on the phone to mum talking about our days, our unfinished projects and our next holiday. It’s hard not having someone to chat to like that, it’s just so easy going, no pretences, no competition just sharing our day.

Ahhhh and there he is… I can hear his bike, that always fills me with a little joy.

I’m trying to make us eat properly this week. Vegetables and at the table… same again tonight. The effort last night was worth it.

That’s my measure of success this week Monday- Friday food cooked and eaten at the table… 1/5 so far and looking promising for tonight

1 Like