I lost my mum to copd on New Year’s Day. She’d been poorly and in and out of hospital for the past year but I think we were all in denial about how ill she really was. She suffered from chronic anxiety due to her copd and this seemed to be the focus of most of our conversations. It was extremely difficult to be with mum due to this.
We had had our ups and downs over the past two years and I had been her carer. At times I had to stay away for months at a time due to other members in the family. I am feeling extreme guilt at this as I loved her and only wanted the best for her. I’m finding myself hoping that she knew I loved her.
The last month before she died I had seen lots of her but I am still feeling I let her down I would get annoyed at her (I due to mean to and if I knew how ill she was I would never have)
She held my hand through so many times I was afraid or upset and I did have the opporuknity to hold hers as she passed away but I am not sure she knew as she was in a coma before I got there.
I find I am searching for her hand now as I go through such strong heartache.
Please any advice