Lost my mum on New Year’s Day

I lost my mum to copd on New Year’s Day. She’d been poorly and in and out of hospital for the past year but I think we were all in denial about how ill she really was. She suffered from chronic anxiety due to her copd and this seemed to be the focus of most of our conversations. It was extremely difficult to be with mum due to this.
We had had our ups and downs over the past two years and I had been her carer. At times I had to stay away for months at a time due to other members in the family. I am feeling extreme guilt at this as I loved her and only wanted the best for her. I’m finding myself hoping that she knew I loved her.
The last month before she died I had seen lots of her but I am still feeling I let her down I would get annoyed at her (I due to mean to and if I knew how ill she was I would never have)

She held my hand through so many times I was afraid or upset and I did have the opporuknity to hold hers as she passed away but I am not sure she knew as she was in a coma before I got there.
I find I am searching for her hand now as I go through such strong heartache.

Please any advice

I can’t offer any advice other than you are not alone. I lost my mum over Christmas she also had copd. I feel guilty as I live over 100 miles from her and she basically had to care for herself. I also have a disabled partner who I care for 24/7 so it was impossible for me to be in two places at once. All I can say is your mum will have known you were there for her and that you loved her. The one thing that is keeping me going is that now she is pain free and not struggling for every breath. Like you it is heart breaking and I do cry a lot but try to remember the good times. Mum and I didn’t do the hugs or I love you but being my mum I’m sure she knew I loved her as your mum will know you do too.

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Thank you so much for replying

Copd is such an awful disease

Hi just wondered how you are?

Thank you so much darling for checking up on me. And I hope you are doing ok too.
I’m feeling a bit less guilty right at this minute and it doesn’t seem so raw. The mornings are hard as it’s like waking up to the reality every day.

We haven’t had the funeral yet it is next Thursday dreading it!

How about you? Has it got any easier? I do hope you have been taking care of yourself I’ve been told to be kind to myself but I still feel like I need to be more assertive with the things that just carry on like paying bills etc

Sounds like we are both at the same place. Every morning I wake up, remember what’s happened and then it feels so fresh again. I spend a lot of time remembering things, touching the few items that belonged to mum that are here and talking to her. When I take her dogs out for a walk alone I talk to her it makes me feel better somehow. Writing it here and reading it back sounds silly but for me it’s helping a little.

Every day tasks here have been neglected I just don’t have the energy. Mum is my main priority at the moment and like you I have the funeral to come. My mum’s is on Friday and half dreading it as I will be a emotional wreck but also it will mean closure I will have done the last thing I can for mum.

I have had a few set backs regarding the funeral even to the point she nearly wasn’t going to have the service where she wanted it but hopefully all sorted now. I just hope the weather hold’s off another week otherwise travelling for myself and my two daughters won’t be good.

Please keep in touch I know just by writing this message it is helping me. Will be thinking of you on Thursday xx

Hi there darling
Sorry it’s taken this long to reply it’s been tough the past few days.
The funeral is so close no I’m dreading it.
I do hope you are remaining as strong as you can and also giving in when you need to and just cry.
Speak agein soon darling xxx

Thinking of you today as I know it will be difficult. x

Xxx
Thank you darling

How are your preparations going too?
The week is tough isn’t it?
I feel numb today

In case I don’t get the chance darling I will also be thinking of you tomorrow.

I’m not sure of your belief but maybe both our mums are up there now after meeting in the waiting room having a good ole chit chat.

Take care darling will contact you again after the weekend

Xxx

I have a few last minute preparations to do as I decided to make a small photographic display of mums life to display at the wake but other than that I am just about ready. Not looking forward to the three hour drive early morning tomorrow and hoping the weather is OK. As for the day itself am dreading it but know mum is watching over me.

You take care of yourself today. x

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I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow too darling xxx

Think of you today darling
Make your mum proud and say not a goodbye but a see you later mum xxx

Well what a day Friday was, good and bad bits but mum us now with my dad. I wish I lived closer as I know it would help me but that’s not a option. So much still to sort regarding her house but for now everything us on hold. The stress caught up with me at the weekend and had two days of migraine so taking it easy for now. How are you?

I know what you mean by good and bad it’s a strange day isn’t it?
I didn’t really allow myself to cry much on the actual day and I think due to that I’ve had a few days of feeling rubbish.
Today is a fresh week and I keep telling myself that mum wouldn’t want me to be sad for long so I am getting on with things today as much as I can.

You have to be kind to yourself hunni and take each day as it comes your health is important so rest when you need to.

Not sure if it is allowed but here is my number if you want to contact me 07825746597

We will continue it’s what they would want for us.

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