Lost my mum recently to Covid and feeling alone

Hi all, so glad to have found you as I feel rather alone. I recently lost my beautiful mum to Covid. We weren’t even allowed to say goodbye to her. I hate the way she died as it sounded so horrible and cruel. I wanted so much to be there to provide comfort and tell her how much she was loved, but I wasn’t allowed. Everything about her death felt so cold - and like she was a mere number. We weren’t even allowed to visit the bereavement officer or register mum’s death in person. I struggle with that. Thankfully, I do take comfort in the fact she was a Christian and believe she is with her maker now in heaven and no longer suffering. But I feel lost and alone as it feels like we have all been forgotten since her funeral a few weeks back.

Mum and I did have a complex relationship due to her having some mental health issues, but we still had a close bond and I told her I loved her often. I was her emotional support from a young age. She used to say that my Dad and brother didn’t understand her like i did. I feel that some of my friends have decided that, because I struggled at times with mum, that I wouldn’t feel sad that she’s gone but that couldn’t be further from the truth. I put a lot of my energies into supporting mum and trying to be there for her and to be a good daughter. Now I feel a bit empty and lost like I have no purpose I guess. I was basically her caregiver. There’s days when I wonder what the point of my life is now. I.try not to think like that but I’m really struggling. I’m also experiencing a lot of physical symptoms which I’ve been told are likely physical expressions of grief. I have a chronic illness anyway and am immune suppressed which probably isn’t helping. I bore the brunt of the funeral plans and held it together- just, but now I’m really suffering.

Thanks for your understanding and my heart goes out to you if you’ve lost someone close to you. Much love xxx

Hello @Shoesy - welcome to the Sue Ryder family. Firstly - I am so, so sorry about your mum - this is hard. Covid rules broke so many hearts, my friend, and I am so sorry that this happened to you. You have been through so much and are dealing with so much every day. Many of us here understand completely. We all send our love to you. Finding the way through grief and loss is really, really hard. I know - I lost my husband in January after a year of hell with blood cancer. Some days I am ok. Other days I am in bits. Grief is like that, pulling and pushing us, back and forwards, up and down. Here on this forum you will find a community that completely gets how you are feeling. In different ways, we have all been there and many of us still are. So keep posting, my friend, you have a group of people with you now. Take care, get some rest, tomorrow could be better than today xx

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Hi @Vancouver ,I can’t thank you enough for your reply. Your words are a great comfort to me and to know that I’m not alone in this. I am deeply sorry though that you lost your husband. That must have been/and still is, absolutely devastating for you. I can’t imagine the pain you must be going through. :broken_heart: My heart breaks for you. Losing my husband is one of the things I dread. I think you are so utterly kind and selfless to still think of comforting others when you are grieving deeply. I want you to know that you have blessed me today and given me hope - that there are people who can relate to my experience and who care and that there will be better days ahead. I will remember you in my prayers dear heart. God bless and sending love, and thanks again for taking the time to reply. It means such a lot to me xxxxx

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