Lost my Mum suddenly


This probably sounds like I shouldn’t be down but be thankful for what you had.
My mum died suddenly on Thursday night she was found the next morning by a neighbour still in her bed.
She was 85 and she would be the first to admit she’d had a good innings, beat cancer 5 years ago and dodged COVID so luck was on her side.
But I feel utterly broken by this (Dad died 7 years ago) and I just can’t see how I will get through it.
I’ve just been to her house and made sure everything is locked etc but I just feel so lost now.
The fact she’s not going to be around anymore is just killing me, I’m grateful of course that it would appear she just fell asleep and never woke up which most would agree is the way most of us want to leave.
I have a very stressful full on job and supportive as everyone was when I contacted them on Friday afternoon, I just can’t imagine being back in a work environment, I don’t think I could cope with the stress I know awaits me, this is a double edged sword as I work as a contract freelancer so if I don’t work I don’t get paid, I can live with losing a certain amount of money by taking time off though. But what is an acceptable amount of time that its felt that I could take off.

Hi. I’m so sorry for your loss. My mum died suddenly 4 and a half weeks ago. I had just started 2 weeks annual leave when it happened. So the first 2 weeks were covered by that. They gave me 2 weeks compassionate leave. 2 weeks to get over your mum suddenly dying! Thanks. I’ve been signed off for a month now and I’m worried about money but I can’t face people at the moment. I can’t listen to them moan about petty problems. You take as much time as you need. Can you apply or see if you can maybe get statutory sick pay? Sending hugs xxx

I’m sorry for your loss also.
To be honest it’s not the money that concerns me at the moment, I wouldn’t be entitled to statutory sick pay as it’s a contract that only pays when I work.
I’m concerned that they decide they need someone to come in so I lose this contract, now it’s Monday the first working day since mum died I’m just unsure of the process, mum is with the coroner who I’m calling this morning about the autopsy and the death certificate but I’m not sure if I’m now supposed to cancel all the direct debits for things like lighting and heating at her house which I need to have so when I go there to clear the house in the coming weeks, and can I access her bank account to pay for the funeral, I do have savings but limited, and I can’t afford to run 2 houses, I’m tying myself up in knots with worry now.

Did your mum own the house?

Leave the water and electric on for now. We did at my mums. We just cancelled her phone/internet and sky as we had to clean the house as it was council. We are handing the keys back today. That’s sad and upsetting. Take a deep breath. Make a cup of tea and maybe give citizens advice a call who will probably be able to help you. When you register the death you can do a thing called tell us all which informs all the authorities like pension, dvla etc. Takes away some of the worry doing it yourself x

Well mum owned the house so I don’t need to hand keys back. I need to get in touch with her solicitor who has her will, but I can’t start paying the amount of money a solicitor charges. Thanks for the advice it’s appreciated.


I am so sorry for your loss.

If you go to the "what to do after a death " section on the the citizens advice website it will help.

Take care.