Lost my Mum suddenly

Just joined tonite
Lost my Wonderful Mum on the 6 November 2016 & Im devasted

Hi Angela. I lost my lovely mum on the 17th November last year. .she’d been poorly with cancer for a while but after surgery and chemo been given the all clear. .my mum died suddenly in her sleep… i go over and over things in.my head…Did I miss something? She must of been ill but we didn’t know. I miss her so much my heart is broken I know how you feel. I suppose we just take one day at a time. .take care x

Oh it’s a hard one changing minute to minute as I read this I’m So tired n just want to curl up , but trying to continue with some sort of routine whatever that may be . As our world has been turned upside down really
So sorry for your Mums sudden passing . Please take care too x

Hi Angela,
I thought I was the only one to go through such hell on Nov 6th, 2016. I lost my mother on that day. 6 months down the line and it is still raw. Today would have been my fathers birthday, he passed in February 1996…He would have been a hundred today. When he passed I turned all my attention on my mother…and when she passed I found I am having a double bereavement. I miss them so much it is both physically and mentally painful.
I am trying to get back to some form of normalicy, if there is ever such a word. Looking for work after being a carer for such a long time and at 53 this is easier said than done. Just feel deflated and run down…made worse by a trapped nerve, making sleep difficult. When I am stressed and run down then all the pains come.
Take heart, though, that there loads of us on this site who can empathize with you and understanding the pain that you are going through. Have you spoken to anyone about things?
Take care
Dave

Hi Dave, Thank you for your reply.
I totally get you I lost my Dad 3 years ago quite suddenly too and had come to a better place a few years down the line, and then on 5 November at 7,30 pm I got a call from my Mums care home to say they thought she had a chest infection and they were sending her to hospital, could I make my way there. Worried & stressed I did only to wait till 9,30 for an ambulance to bring my Mum. She was rushed into a room where they showed me & my Son& Daughter to the family room telling us she was gravely ill ,
They tried various things on her to no avail she wasn’t responding . At midnight they decided to send her fir a brain scan & told us to make our way there , By the time we did they were rushing her out the lift postponing the scan & got her into a bed in a single room . Took us into an office & said she wouldn’t survive the night , about ten minutes later she passed away in front of my eyes Sheer trauma and shock is the only way I think describes how I’m feeling. I’m 52 & had to leave a job due to this & sheer anxiety, & have no brothers or Sisters to share the burden So to speak. One month before My Mum passed we lost her Sister suddenly & 1 month after my Mother We lost her Sisters husband too . I am awaiting grief Counselling but am afraid to even start opening up or going there. Don’t know what’s worse really as I’m sure you know the tiredness, anxiety or feeling alone in the World . The scary thing is the World stops for none of it or no one So sorry for you and how your feeling too. Angela

Hi Angela, it’s early days for me as my mum only passed away 4 months ago. She went into hospital with a chest infection which had happened lots of times before but she just deteriorated and died after 5 days. My mum had dementia but thankfully she still knew who I was. It was peaceful when she went which I was grateful for and I was with her for the last 24hours. Sadly it would have been her birthday tomorrow, not sure what I will do with the day. I saw her everyday and now my life feels so empty. I’m so sorry for your loss.

Hi Barbara
I’m So sorry for your loss of your dear Mum, and I feel your pain. It doesn’t matter how early your pain is the same, I think I was numb fir the first 4 months. My Mum was 72 a week before she passed we were up with her gifts but she wasn’t herself at all I saw that now and at the time. With my Dad I celebrated his birthday on the same day as mine , and let balloon off , whatever you decide to do try & have some company. I’m always here to talk so glad we all can here . Hugs xx

Hi Angela, and to everyone on this site. Sorry for being out of touch and not responding as quickly as I should have.
As the song goes…“Saturday night is the loneliest night of the week” To true for me I find that as time is going by I am becoming more with drawn. When the weather is lovely I feel the loss more strongly. As I said in my previous message my mother would have been dressed and hoisted into her wheel chair and off we go. There is a local park we use to go to and I would sit on a bench. I cannot go into that park now…I was thinking this time last year we were enjoying the sun in this park. Now it is heart rending to cross its threshold. I passed a local charity shop and saw a floppy sun hat on display; a type she always wanted. I was overjoyed with this that I went in an bought it. Hit me hard when I got home…
A lot of tears and upset over the last few weeks…made a bit worse by a message on this site stating adamantly that there was no afterlife. That upset me as well. I try to focus on the belief that loved ones would be reunited, even if it sounds irrational. It is one of those factors that reconciles me with my own mortality is that loved ones will be reunited. This pain will not last for long.
My Mother passed away in hospital, on her own, in the early hours of November 6th. This is causing me no end of guilt. I was looking after her for 8 years, she was bed bound after a stroke disabling her right side. We had carers coming in 4 times a day–some absolutely excellent and were terrific with her, while some were lethal
Since my mother had heart issues and COPD she was a martyr to chest infections and it seemed she was either in hospital regularly or on antibiotics. As a result we had an emergency acute clinical team to treat her at home. They warned me that she was slipping away and that when the time came I was to cowardly to look after her. I had stockpiled a load of pills and I was going to take them…not an idle threat. She was taken into Singleton Hospital. She had to go to hospital on her own. My brother and sister could not be bothered to go with her. so she went to the hospital in an ambulance with likely as not indifferent ambulance crew. She would have been doped up on morphine for the pain. I was too self centred and I should have gone with her but exhaustion and cowardice stopped me from doing the descent thing. In hospital she was dumped in a side ward and left to die without much dignity. when I visited her she was not washed or cared for at all. her pads she was wearing were hardly changed.
Being a carer most of my friends of old have now moved on and I am not reconciled with my family who let me carry the burden of care without any offers of help. So I am on my own now and to anxious to try and socialize (Pubs and nightclubs were never my scene).
On good Friday I had to move out of the flat me and my mother shared for 10 years. The housing association offered me a one bedroom hovel in the same block. It was either that or an eviction notice. The block is for over 55’s being 53 I was one of those that could easily be dispensed with and evicted…I was expecting that. A persistent nightmare while caring was me living on the streets.
I have not settled at all. I still see ghosts wherever I go in this cesspit of a town…and I am passing through the milestones day (fathers day tomorrow) with a painful numbness…and the tears flow quite regularly. I am trying to keep myself occupied by finishing off my MA. However, my concentration span is poor at best. I will persevere though. I am starting a round of volunteering which will give me some employability skills and get me out from 4 manky walls. I have found that Cruse counselling and other bereavement groups are not really helpful. I find that I am clamming up.
Take care
Dave
ps sorry for the rambling missive

I do believe that there is a afterlife. .it gives me a lot of comfort knowing that one day I will see my mum again…I know everyone believes different things but I would absolutely hate the thought of not seeing my mum again…I know my dad feels the same…I know my mum will be waiting for me…and if you believe that. .That is all that matters.

1 Like

Hi Dave & Everyone
I also believe that My Mum is with my Dad and that I will see them both and spend eternal life with them in Heaven Hope your well & taking care of yourself as I am trying my best to do. I started my first Counselling session on Friday & felt So much better talking to someone other than my friends. Even pushing myself out the house to go has helped , and I know it won’t be easy and no two days will be the same, but I’ve started to move at least.

Back to top