Hi, lost my mum Thursday, my mum battled lung cancer for 3 years,been caring for her the last month, we were really close, I spoke to her nearly every day, I thought I would feel relief after my mum suffered for so long, but I feel despair, just want some advice, take care
You poor thing, you must have had a dreadful three years worrying about your Mum. It must have been very hard caring for her the last month but I am sure she appreciated it and you being there. The despair you are feeling is probably mixed with shock, even knowing the outcome it still feels unbelievable when it all finally happens.
I am guessing you are in the midst of arrangements at the moment so just try and get through these days as best you can. It is very hard when all you want to do is curl up and try and come to terms with what has happened. It is going to be exhausting for you so try and sleep when or if you can. Little cat naps as and when if that is all you can manage. Also trying to eat a bit even if you feel you don’t want to. Something easy to eat works well, nothing that is too much of a hassle to make, scrambled eggs, soup, baked potatoes, anything like that. Comfort food basically.
Don’t be pressurised into doing anything you don’t want to. Just say you can’t do it, no one will mind and if they do that is their problem. If you don’t have to rush sorting your Mum’s things then leave them a while. I still have lots of my Mum’s bits and pieces nearly two years after losing her. I couldn’t face clearing out some things and only now am able to look at them sensibly and make decisions.
Take some time for yourself everyday. Do something nice even for only ten minutes a day. Sitting quietly with a cup of tea or coffee and just relaxing, walk in the fresh air, whatever appeals.
You are the important one now, you take care of yourself and remember your Mum with love. I bet she loved you too as a very special and kind person who made her last few weeks much more bearable.
Hi Mel, thankyou for you’re kind words and sensible advise, I’m taking it a day at a time:)
It will be 11 years next Tuesday when I lost my incredible mother, the pain is still so raw, but I’m comforted by the fact that she is looking over me, I’m sure you did everything you could for your mother over the last 3 years, that time spent will in years to come be of great reassurance because you were present through it all.
There will be a void which is inescapable, but think about your mother, she would have wanted you to live out her hopes and wishes.
Take Care. Stay Strong.
so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad last week after a 5yr battle with prostrate cancer. it is so hard to watch someone you love suffer such a terrible illness.
i too am struggling, like you i thought at the end it would be a relief he was no longer in pain and suffering but, it doesn’t make their passing any easier.
talk to people, remember your mum. laugh together, cry together. i agree that you need to take care of yourself and take time everyday to look after you. it hard, and im finding it difficult to do this but it will get easier in time. i lost my mum 20yrs ago and still miss her everyday, but its easier to smile now when i think of her.
stay strong lovely. sending you lots of love xx
I lost my mum to COPD a month ago … i know exactly how you feel … i just feel as i have a gaping bleeding wound that will hopefully heal one day … but also my mum was part of my everyday life so there is a gaping hole xx my advice at moment is do your mum proud at her funeral … i managed to say a poem - didnt think i would be strong enough but i was - looking for the right poem was quite therapeutic xx now funeral has gone im having to keep very busy and having to go to bed overtired so i fall asleep straightaway xx
Hi,Angel,i am so sorry for you,i lost my Mum 10 months ago,and i am just not the same person anymore,she was like my best friend. I think you are an incredibly strong person for all you have been through,i guess you just have to get through each hour and day. I am here if you need to talk,Lucy xxx