A good way of putting it ‘permanently changed’
I wish I could give you a hugg, I just hold onto the fact that my kids are well and healthy…
take care. X
A good way of putting it ‘permanently changed’
Hiya I’m so sorry to hear this I also lost my mum a couple days ago to cancer but the COVID made it worse I think, I am also the exact same as you angry and upset I hope we can speak and try and help each other out as much as we can.
Look after yourself x
It’s just so hard. My daughter is going back to school and I’m petrified. I also work in the hospital we’re he passed so that is hard going into work everyday. I feel like I’m treading through treacle everyday. Just wish the kids had to wear face masks x
I am also struggling this weekend because my dads dog Frankie had to be put to sleep. Since he passed away she had been experiencing severe grief. She had lost half of her body weight and just stares at the wall. At first when she heard a car she would run to the door. On Friday night she had a massive seizure brought on by stress. The vets was crying saying they have never seen a dog so grief stricken. Just another blow and a massive set back x
I am so sorry about what happened to your mum and understand only too well how your grief is mixed with anger.
When my husband died suddenly last November his death was attributed to a heart attack. He collapsed in front of our younger son on an evening out. He was talking, lost consciousness and despite immediate CPR and defibrillation could not be rescuscitated. The hospital where he was admitted was out of our area and no attempt was made to access my husbands health records. The paramedic who accompanied my husband to a&e erroneously stated that he had clutched his chest before he collapsed, hence the assumption of a heart attack. My son’s assertion that this was not the case was discounted and we were told that a post mortem was not necessary. Indeed the coroner’s office contacted me to say my husbands death certificate had been issued giving heart attack as cause of death. No post mortem, no checking of his records. Done and dusted, no questions asked. There was no communication with our GP and to this day I wonder if I hadn’t phoned our surgery to let them know my husband had died he would still be on their records.
I found it impossible to accept that someone who was seemingly fit and well can die so suddenly and for it not to be questioned. Both my sons and I decided to pursue having a post mortem carried out and eventually we were granted permission for this to be performed. Not something anyone could ever imagine begging for but we could not accept my husbands death as ‘one of those things’. As it turned out the post mortem proved as we had suspected that heart attack was not the cause of death but identified a congenital malformation of a heart valve which together with hypertension (incorrectly treated) had been causing my husbands heart to enlarge. It’s a condition which can be hereditary so both my sons have been referred for screening. Without the pm this would have been missed.
To me this is an unforgivable dereliction of duty and an example of the arrogance which is too prevalent within the NHS.
We have now received a full apology from the chief executive of the hospital where my husband was admitted and an acceptance that much can be learned from our experience. We have been invited to participate in a training video for new doctors. It has taken months of anguish to get this apology and it has not brought my husband back. However neither I nor my sons could accept the cavalier way his death was dismissed.
The accuracy of death certificates is an ongoing cause for concern and this is something we are pursuing with our MP. They are an important resource for the allocation of research funding and if inaccurate are worse than useless. I feel too little interest is shown at all levels in the events leading to someone’s death. For this reason the chance of improving outcomes or indeed preventing premature death is slight. The fact that my husbands condition was detectable leaves me now with the question as to why this was missed by our GP. What I have discovered is that too much is left to the discretion of a doctor whereas if they were subject to mandatory rather than discretionary guidelines when treating a patient, the outcome would be more favourable in certain instances.
Unfortunately, the covid crisis has overwhelmed an already failing system. So many people like you will have unanswered questions but I am hoping that eventually much will be learned from the appalling toll it has taken on patients and relatives alike. In many instances all that could have been done was in fact done but lessons that can be learned have to be. If that means uncomfortable questions being asked then so be it. A good doctor will always accept he/she doesn’t know everything and will be open to learning. Until that attitude prevails no progress will be made.
I know only too well how corrosive unanswered questions can be on the grieving process. Listen to your heart and do what is best for you. I wish you well.x
That is absolutely awful. The poor dog.
I just wanted to comment on your child returning to school. My 6 year old was also on the shielding list so I understand you worries of returning to school, however My Mum didn’t die from covid so that will obviously make your anxiety worse.
My mum died just before lockdown but just after the funeral we were forced to isolate from the world when we should have been adjusting to our new normal. My son has crohn’s and takes two different immunosuppressants. His consultant is very positive about returning to school so I feel very reassured. During lockdown I only spoke to the GP who was very insistent that he was at extreme risk but since speaking to the expert I feel much better.
This week we are both back at school. I’m a teacher and I haven’t been in since Mum died so it’s full of mixed emotions x
That is so so sad rubygem. The only comfort is that he us back with his master x
Hi. Jobar. Sadly, I have to say I agree with you. I have been subjected to incorrect diagnosis and the pain and misery it causes is beyond belief. When in hospital I was amazed at the power over life and death that many consultants have. Their ‘team’ follow them round as if they were gods. The nurses often told me how they had made complaints about the attitude of these so called ‘professionals’. At the same time there are many doctors, mostly younger ones, who did a good job and had compassion. I met a young registrar who was kind and understanding and helped me through my problem.
We are all human and mistakes will happen, but unfortunately they don’t seem to learn. I often laugh when I hear ‘we will learn from this’ then they go on in the same old way. I am very sorry to hear about all the hassle you have had, but one good thing has come out of it. Your sons can now be tested. Take care. John.
Hi Lisa thank you for your comment. Yes my daughter is on ammunosuppressants. We were sheilding for 21 weeks and I’m the middle of all of it my dad contracted it. I’m worried about school and the same as you i have be reassured by the renal team she can go back. As a family we have all been in such a bubble and we have only just started seeing each other. I’m worried that once we have returned to normal life the grief is going to implode on all of us. Especially my daughter. She had not only been shielded from the virus but also the grief with her not being able to attend the funeral or visit anyone. I am so sorry about your loss and I totally feel your anxiousness about being a teacher as my sister feels the same x
When I went back to work I was dreading the first day and all the looks and sympathetic faces. Plus if not been in the hospital we’re he had died. I also work in the pharmacy and some of my colleagues had seen him before he died and I hadn’t. However after two days I was ok. Still have my moments but just keep myself busy. Which I’m sure you will be x
I tried to go back the Friday before lockdown. I left my handbrake off the car and it rolled into a tree so was sent home. I think now with the summer holidays and school closure most people will have forgotten what had happened so the sympathetic looks will be less xxx
That’s exactly what I said. Only the closest to me knew I was still in so much pain. The rest of them either didn’t know or thought I was ok. That was my biggest fear. That because people hadn’t seen me they would just assume after 4 months I’d be ok. But we’re not ok. Losing someone is hurrendous enough, without then being trapped anyway from everyone and only bring in your own head all the time
I am so sorry to hear of your loss (( as much as I am sad I am also glad that I am not alone in my feelings. Yes definitely we can talk and share our experiences.
Did they stop treating your mother at any point ?
If you don’t mind please share some details, I know several people who nedeed operations but suffered and as a result their illness has got worse.
Our neighbour who Is very close to us and was to. my mum had a lump on her vocal cord she was in bed since my mum went to hospital out of her sadness ( she was at mums 2/3 times a day prior). She couldn’t talk properly and waited for months, finally she decided to go to Cyprus as she has a doctor there. She has to isolate 7 days in a special unit there ( everyone who comes from abroad has to there), then she had the operation. She’s 75 years old and worked hard in London all her life, she paid for the operation what could she do?
What I keep thinking is it’s bad enough we have to deal with our loss but to feel that we were not treated as we should have been just rubs sakt into the wound.
Take care for now xxxx
Reading about your fathers dog actually made me cry, what a lovely dog he was so attached and loyal.
They are probably together now and at peace.
Honestly so heart breaking, huge virtual hugg to you
Thank you Rose1977.
So sorry you had to go through what you and your sons have… again the NHS failed us.
The problem starts with the GP you have to go back and forth and really push to get referred or even taken seriously.
It just takes too long and they don’t actually listen to everyone or the details.
I feel bad for the good NHS staff and the system is messed up but I did not feel like clapping on Thursdays I felt like saying you getting paid to do your job only volunteers deserved a clap. I just can’t make excuses for them.
Our lives are changed forever and I really envy those people who celebrate the death/life of their 92 year old grandparent as that was my dream for mum, all shattered now ((
Take care and keep in touch
I’m so sorry to hear about your mum, believe me when I say, I know exactly how you feel. I lost my fabulous, most precious, loved beyond anything dad in April to Covid, he caught it in hospital while being treated for something else, he was a renal patient but alarmingly was placed onto the respiratory ward, he was extremely vulnerable, weak and had no immunity at that time, so had no chance. I didn’t think he’d die, it was a huge shock, and I still even now, can’t believe it. I still have to check every morning. My dad was my world, the person I most loved ever, my rock, my hero, my W.O.R.L.D. We protected him, as we were instructed to, although he was bundled out of hospital one day (5 days after I’d last seen him to take in fresh clothes and heard the staff say they’d had ‘another’ confirmed case, this was just when the lockdown started, the last day visiting was permitted) the whole time he was in and came home he was untested. Of course, now unknowingly infected, he came home and became very poorly, then innocently passed it to my mum (I’m EXTREMELY lucky to still have my mum, MANY HAVE LOST BOTH PARENTS) and the heart breaking story begins… I too hold the government accountable for the handling on this pandemic, the NHS staff will have been given protocol to follow and they have placed their own lives on the line to do this, some tragically also succumbing to this terrible virus, but the patients I feel were, I’m sorry to say, that anyone who had it at this time seems to have been thrown away like rubbish! While I appreciate this is unknown territory and, even now, no one knows what the future holds, the UK government should be processing an IMMEDIATE INQUIRY into what went wrong, the cases are rising again, yet they say they will do an inquiry at a later time, so more lIves will be lost!! Nothing we can do will bring our loved ones back, and believe me I’d do ANYTHING for that to happen I’d even go myself if it would being him back, but if an inquiry was held WE could help STOP future problems by letting them know what happened that was so wrong this time round, yet you know what, they won’t, so I fear for everyone’s family members I really do. If you aren’t aware already, I can direct you to a place where families like ours are fighting for justice for an inquiry NOW x Take care lovely, I know, and huge hugs xx
Hi rose. I lost my husband in June to Covid. He was 59. We think he got it from his dad who was sent home from hospital without a test. He died alone at home. John (my husband) was devastated. Two days later he became unwell and phoned 111. They would not see him as he had no cough. Eventually he was so ill and told them he thought he was dying that they got him into hospital. He was on a ventilator for 28 days and then died. I will never get over the way he died. Alone and scared. If I could change places with him I would in a minute. I’m so sorry for your loss. x
Sheila I am so sorry for your loss. Even now I go the shops and see people my dads age with no mask on. I also work in the hospital we’re my dad passed away with Covid and even patients and staff are do complacent. Sending you big hugs