Lost my mum 💔

Hello everyone. My name is Lola and I’ve lost my mum 3 weeks ago unexpectedly. I am in my 30s and finding it extremely hard to cope with this. My dad died when I was 17 and it took me a long time to process it, if one ever does, but because I was younger I feel maybe it was somewhat easier to process even if it took a long while. I am not sure if that’s correct, I just know it feels somewhat different, or I might not be remembering it well. I have a decade older brother but he lives in another country and has his own family so he’s coping differently with it.

I was very close to my mum and have spoken to her every day, several times a day. So I wake up every morning thinking I’ll contact her like always, but then remember that that will never happen again.
I have isolated myself from everyone and can’t talk to anyone I know at the moment. I’ve lost appetite and have no will to do anything. I do understand grief takes time.

It seems like my mum’s funeral was ages ago yet it’s only been 15 days. Not even sure what I’m doing here. I guess I thought people in here are the only ones who can truly understand how I’m feeling. None of my friends have lost their parent/s so they can only imagine, but the brutal reality is that it can’t be compared to anything they imagine.

Do we go back being ourselves after a while, or are we changed forever by this experience? I feel I’m not the same person anymore.

Lots of love to everyone, I hope you’re having a good day

Dear @LolaB

Welcome to the Community, I am sorry to hear of the loss of your mum. It is good that you are able to come here and chat and get support. That is why we are here.

Sue Ryder have recently introduced a free, expert Grief Coach support service which will be of help to you and your family and friends as well. It gives free grief support to your phone on a personalised basis by text.

It includes gentle coaching for friends and family who want to help but may not know how. They will be sent text reminders and tips on how to support the person they care about. No one should grieve alone.

It is very hard for people to understand how grief affects you until it happens to you. It would be helpful for you to talk to your friends and let them know about the Grief Coach as it will be of help to them to help you.

There is also a guide called Grief Guide which will help you understand and cope with your bereavement and grief.

As people we do change, as we learn to accept in time that our loved ones are not coming back but they will always be in our heart.

Please continue to reach out, you are not alone, we are here to support you.

Take care.


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