I lost my mum 20 months ago due to a very long illness. I am just not coping at all, it is getting worse if anything. It’s got to a point that I am so angry and raging all the time and taking it out on loved ones. Just started back on my anti depressants (which I really didn’t want to do) because they helped. The boys are the ones keeping me from not getting out of bed at all.
I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve lost your mum and that you are struggling with anger and depression. It sounds as though you could really do with some support. I’m glad that you’ve been able to share some of how you are feeling here, as it’s really important to have outlets for your emotions. You are among people who understand here. While you wait for more replies to your post, you might also find it helpful to read and reply to some other recent conversations started by others who have lost a parent, for example:
Have you thought about talking to a counsellor as well? Counselling can’t take away your loss, but many people find it helps them to manage their emotions and get past their anger. We have an online counselling service here on the site, where you can talk to a counsellor via video chat. Find out more: https://support.sueryder.org/bereavement-counselling
Anger is your response to what’s happened. You are lashing out at the universe, life and everything. I know because I felt the same at first. Those close to you will not understand, and that in itself is can be a cause of anger.
I suggest you take your prescribed medication. Antidepressants can help a lot in the early stages, and you won’t be on them for ever. You have some incentive to get up in the mornings. I am alone and know what it’s like to awake and feel that emptiness.
There is no time limit to grief, contrary to what you may have been told. Everyone does it in their own way. You never forget, but the pain does ease after time, at least I have found it so.
If you are depressed that can add to the feelings of being down and lost. It’s probably not getting worse, but your depression is making feel as if it is.
Take care and look after yourself . Counselling is a good idea. You can unload in a non judgemental environment with someone who knows what’s happening. You do need help. ‘Going it alone’ is not an option.