I lost my partner 1 week ago he went to work and died suddenly of a dvt.i am completely heartbroken…I miss him so much I miss his touch and his presence.we were planning so much and now I have nothing g.i know I am blessed with my family but just want him by my side.i don’t know where to turn.
Hello sending much love.
What a shock for you but it’s only been a week and you are still in a state of shock and will be so for quite a while. Take all the help and support you need from your family and friends and take each day at a time. I’m afraid it’s going to be a while before what has happened actually hits you but it will like a truck. I wish I could be more optimistic. My husband died over 18 months ago suddenly and there are still days I don’t believe it. Still wait for him to come home lunchtime and get two mugs out for a cup of tea. His presence will never leave you which will give you some comfort in the days, weeks, months ahead.
Please reach out to us all - we’re on this horrid journey, at different stages but the pain is the same.
I am so sorry for your loss, the suddenness and the shock is unbelievable, adding to the pain you have of loosing him, it’s heart breaking, I didn’t realise your heart could hurt so much
Do you have family and friends supporting you, you need to try and surround yourself with other loved ones. It doesn’t take the pain away, nothing does but it such early days for you.
Sending you big hugs
Thankyou for your kind words today has been the toughest of days.a Saturday was our day…I have my son and daughter and grand daughter.i do try to count my blessings but finding this so difficult.
Thankyou for your kindness just feel so overwhelmed.i feel like the days are so long and I have a physical longing for him.but Thankyou
Hi Jan, so sorry for your loss.
I’m almost at an identical stage as you are, having lost my partner last Friday.
The pain is all consuming and already I’m struggling to see a way I’ll ever be able to cope without her, each day seems to get gradually worse and it doesn’t matter how many people are around me - I still feel so incredibly lonely.
Life is so cruel.
I feel exactly tge same I have so many people who are genuine about their feelings for me and I only want him.i feel guilty for feeling that way.i hope you find peace and acceptance. X
Dear Jan and ARDG, It is very early days for you both and you will have various stages of grief to go through. Everyone does so at their own rate and your grief is yours. Later, don’t feel you have to move on because some people won’t understand the stage you’re at and you feel there’s something wrong with you not moving on. You can do as much as you can to alleviate the loneliness through friends and family, and that’s a good thing to do, but don’t expect too much of yourself because of how you perceive the expectations of others. Noone’s grief runs to a schedule or format, other than it generally does go through common stages and it might help to read about bereavement to understand better what is happening to you and perhaps even how to cope. To bring you hope, so many people have been there before you and have eventually come out the other end. Although the loved one will continue to be missed, the happy memories will start to come to mind with the pain gradually diminishing over time. In the meantime, accept all the support that is offered without guilt. Kind people will understand that it is too early for that space in your life by anyone, no matter how kind. I would suggest that once you feel up to it, you start to fill your time as much as possible with enjoyable activities with other people. Although that is only putting elastoplast on the wound of your grief, it will help you to heal.
I will lose my son to a particularly nasty Cancer within weeks now, but I am thankful that he and my lovely new daughter in law were allowed the time to get married two weeks ago. Sadly, she will not have the wealth of memories that some will have and as we live a few hundred miles from them, we won’t be able to give the support she will need. A long and happy marriage can be a blessing that some will never experience.
My thoughts and prayers are with you both and all those of us who are living in loss or anticipating loss.
Thankyou for your kind words.i know I am at tge beginning of this journey and every day is different. Waking up makes it all seem so real again…I am so sorry to hear you lost your son such a devastating blow.i send you peace and love to be able to cope.i am having a friend visit from work and don’t know if I want to have her I just don’t know what to do
Your longing for him will never go away but would we want it to, course not. Until you have been in our position no one knows the pain we are suffering. It’ll take time but there no timetable to this grief. They will lots of bad days and some less bad but gradually you’ll think of your lost one and smile instead of crying and those happy times together will shine through.
Hang in there it’s gonna be tough but you’ve got this
Thankyou Georgina, I feel this is helping to speak to other people who truly understand I want the funeral to be over with I want to see him for 1 last time to tell him how I much I truly loved him.i know I need to try for my kids sake(35 and 32) they are so worried about me.and I don’t want them to be.xx
Morning, I’ve had to learn to say no to people who want to visit. Do this at your own pace, if you don’t want to see your work colleague don’t. I have taken time to see certain friend and some I am still not ready too. I think of it like an onion, taking of on layer at a time but only when you are ready, listen to your gut, if seeing certain people make you more anxious put them off for a while.
Ps let your kids look after you x
Thankyou for your words.i just feel I have to pull myself together in front of people. I feel nobody knows the feelings my partner and I had for each other.its like because we didn’t live together it won’t be as bad but we’re were together every day shared a l9ve that lasted 25 years.
Show your grief and let people know how much you are hurting, it doesn’t matter that you didn’t live together what matters is the love you had for each other. You have enough to deal with without burdening yourself with thoughts about not showing how you feel.
You will get your strength from your children. My boys were a little older that yours, almost 40 and 38 and I sometimes forget they are struggling too. It’s what us mums do always think of our kids and that’s what I do when I have a wobble. They have enough to deal with let alone worrying about me. So I try to stand tall put on a brave face and have my little cries on my own. The funeral will come
and go and that’s when it really hits you. Reach out to all of us if you need to - we’re not going anywhere.
Thankyou I am glad I found this forum…I will be going to my sons today for dinner which will help.i am blessed to have a wonderful family but as you say they have their own lives and couldn’t do any more than they are…I had a terrible day yesterday and morning today now feel a bit better. I have a wonderful neighbour who pops in .indeed I am blessed by all these things…im sure this is the roller coaster I am on just now.every emotion under the sun x
I can understand how you feel about having a visitor just now. It will be a huge effort to try to keep up a front so as not to make your friend feel bad, but maybe having to do that for a short time will actually raise your spirits a little because you will feel the concern and love she feels for you. You could explain that you don’t really feel up to anything other than short visits at the moment as everything is so tiring. I’m sure if she’s a kind person, she will understand. We sometimes forget that while we grieve for those we’ve lost, our true friends grieve for us because unconsciously they know that it will be some time, if not ever, before they get their old friend back. Throughout all this though, do what you think is best for you. Wishing you receive comfort and strength dear.