Lost my partner 6 weeks ago

I lost my partner of 35 years suddenly he was only 58 years old
I said good bye at 7am and spoke to him at 2pm and then at 4 30pm police knocked on the door and told us
He was at work at the time
I am finding it so hard and can’t cope and feel so lonely
I have surport from my kids and grandkids but still feel lost without him
The house is so empty
I still can’t take down his Father’s Day cardsor touch any of his clothes
I have just gone back to working part time
Also we still don’t know cause of death so still waiting for toxicology reports to come back with could be up to 10 weeks
I found this site band thought maybe I could get some advice on how to cope
Thank you for reading and sorry if my post sounds rubbish I just don’t know what to say
Thank you

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fist of all your post in in no way sounds rubbish. You have had a terrible shock in the loss of your partner. You are still suffering from shock I would imagine from the terrible news and will be for some time.

Take each day at a time, unless you have to there is no rush to do anything about your partner’s possessions. You don’t have to get rid of anything until you want to and you don’t have to if you don’t want to. I think you are very brave to go back to work as that is a huge hurdle to overcome. Part time is good as gives you some time for yourself as well. Allow yourself time to grieve.

I have found since I lost my Mother that I need time for myself for reflection and just remembering her. Thinking of happier times does help me on the days when it all seems very bleak. I have also learned to say no if I don’t want to do something. It is very liberating as we are so conditioned to please others all the time. This means you won’t get pressured into something you later regret agreeing to.

Other people will I am sure reply to you as well. Don’t be shy of asking for help if you need it. Your doctor will be able to advise you if you feel it all too much and there is also the online bereavement service on this forum.

Take care.

I know that this may sound like a cliché but you really do have to take each day/hour/minute at a time. I lost my Husband suddenly and without warning last Christmas day. I too have started a part time job and it does help. I find that I need to have contact with people each day. I did my Husband’s wardrobe quite quickly and I couldn’t bear to see the Christmas cards to both of us so they went on Boxing day, but we are all different so there is no right or wrong about that. I was in shock for the first couple of months, trying to deal with everything and 4 weeks after my Husband, my Mum died. I am finding some things easier now but still have major wobbles. Silly things set them off and all you can do is ride the storm, you know that you will come out of it because it has happened before but you can’t stop the feelings. Be gentle with yourself, accept that time will help you to come to terms with it. Talk about it with friends if you can, I don’t think that we ever get over it but we do learn to live with the loss. I wish you well, you are not alone we all have to find out own way through and we are all different in our methods, do what you need to do for yourself, grief has no rules x

I completely agree with your eloquent and moving message.

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7 weeks since I lost my fiancé. Like you, waiting for toxicology reports which has now been 5 weeks! I didn’t think it could take 10? My head’s all over the place as he was found in his hotel room while working away. The shock is immense and until I know cause of death, feel I can’t return to work. I’m still having panic attacks. As not married I gave additional hassle as no will!! 16 years lived together and can’t even be called a widow x

I also lost my fiance 7 weeks ago. We were together for 20 years. He was 59 and I’m 44. He died 2 months after his cancer diagnosis and again he hadn’t made a will and because he has 2 grown up children I have no rights. Even had to put him as divorced when registering his death as our relationship wasn’t recognised even though I was allowed to sign the certificate. Not coping at all and can’t even think about work. Did everything together and I feel so empty. Every day he’ d say to me ‘ti a fi am byth’ which means you and me forever in Welsh. If only that were true! x

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I lost my wonderful husband 6 weeks ago and I seem to be feeling worse every day. Today was a nightmare. Peter always looked after the car but a notice popped up on the dash today to say my left indicator was not working and showing a bulb. After asking my brother what to do he told me to go to Halfords to get one fitted. I went and waited 30mins before they decided they could not do it as the screw would not undo. Not knowing what to do next I drove to the VW garage where we had bought it. I went in to explain, burst into tears and had to explain why I was upset. I felt so stupid but they were lovely. Found out what was wrong, sorted out an automatic courtesy car for me (even though it was 6pm ) and will fit a new light unit tomorrow. It is small things like thìs that seem to send me into a tizzy when I used to be a competent, confident person. I’m going to have to learn new skills to embrace all that Peter did amdwhich I took for granted.

But you did it .You should be proud . I’m sure he would be . Is . It’s just so tempting to curl up into a ball and give up, but it’s not what they would want . I don’t know you but I admire you for that

Thankyòu what a kind answer

Ah me too toria ur doing so well … the bursting into tears but us awful isn’t it … I look at my little boy sometimes and just start to cry he looks so much like his daddy … this week has been so hard yesterday was the independent review into the hospital where my husband died ( he was realeased twice in one week… then died the next morning) to think that a panel off people are talking about him is horrible … then today me and my babies scattered his ashes … they call them angel flakes …we put them in a secret garden where my mums went few years back …it was so hard … felt so final … he’s not coming back … I miss having him to chat to in bed… about our day … wish I could skip forward a year

Hi, - I agree your post in no way sounds rubbish. I feel so much for you.
Like it has been said above there is no rush whatsoever to do anything. The fact you have gone back to work is a very big step.

I lost my partner of 7 years a similar amount of time ago. He collapsed into cardiac arrest and they were unable to bring him back. Similar to you, I had spoken to him in the morning before work, then messaged him in the middle of the day and by the end of the day we were called to say he was going into hospital.

Life just feels like I floating around at the moment. There is a constant ache and it just never goes away.

I have found spending time with close friends and my partners family helps as they are also people who are going through a loss.

Reading your experience has helped me, as sometimes I feel like I am going through this on my own but it makes me realise that I am no on my own. So I just wanted to say thank you for sharing your thoughts.

Sending lots of love and thoughts your way xxxxx

Hello TorIa My darling husband of 44 years passed away on 24th August 2018. I am beyond devastated. He was a wonderful husband and our life together was idyllic. We lived for each other. For two years he has been in declining health and finally succumbed to prostate cancer, lung cancer and sepsis. His passing has left me with pain unlike anything I have ever experienced. I cry at the slightest thing and life seems no longer worth living. I try to go out and about as much as possible but then have to return to an empty house and the tears come again. I am constantly being told that “things will get better with time”. I live in hope that this is true because, for now, I just want to join my husband and be pain free. There are millions of widows and widowers going through the pain of grief and I take heart that I am not alone. When we have nothing else there is always hope. One day at a time is what we must get through with our horrible grief.

Hi Salvia your post sums up exactly how I feel .Peter was not really well for about 10months before he died and looking after him made us even closer. He wanted to go into the hospice once his pain became unmanageable, and they were able to control his pain, even though it meant he slept a lot.He felt safe there .I miss him so much, and like you I feel I don’t want to be here, but that would hurt my children, even though they are adults .I suspect we both have a long and painful journey to make. With all the love in the world,friends and family cannot fill that space our husbands filled. We are no longer at the top of anyone’s list.I don’t like peope telling me it will get better with time, how can they know. A hug to you, and just do whatever helps you,no matter what anyone else says. Luv Toria

I recently lost my husband of 46 yrs l miss him terribly and yes I feel empty. It does help to talk to people on here as I feel I’m not the only one xx

Dear Salvia I know how you feel as I lost my husband after 50 years marriage and it was awful to see him struggling with cancer. I will never forget the hopelessness in his eyes when it was arranged for him to go into the hospice and he finally gave up fighting. That was 10 weeks ago and this afternoon I still find myself just distraught with grief and crying. There is nothing left to live for, no future to look forward to and I wish I could just fade away in the night and it all be over. There are so many others in the same distress and every time I read of someone else’s pain it makes me cry and I wish I could give them a hug.

Hi. Your message so struck a cord with me. I too lost my husband of nearly 40 years last year. I quickly went back to work as a distraction for my grief.
I get home and feel like screaming!!! I’m so angry that my husband a beautiful soul didn’t get to reap the rewards of 40 years of working. He’s lost everything and I’m so very angry.
I’m still taking one day at a time but know we’ve been dealt a bad hand. He didn’t deserve to die so suddenly and his family so so miss him. But what do we do???

His son has said I didn’t do enough to keep him anilve . He was going so what was I suppose to do. Where was he when I was dragging the Dr’s out of surgery and called out 3 ambulances in the last week!

I think that we have to carry on for them. They would hate us not to. If I could curl up in bed with Nick once more and never wake up I would be happy. Xx

I think that we have to carry on for them. They would hate us not to. If I could curl up in bed with Nick once more and never wake up I would be happy. Xx

It was the tear in his eye that I will never forget. He did not want to go!