Lost my partner of 20 years 5 weeks ago just feel so lost

Feel so lost and empty

Bless you. I lost my wonderful Wife 30 days ago. We were together nearly 40 years. I also am lost and just drink alcohol all the time. I have no purpose in life anymore. I have great family and friends but this is not enough.

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It’s so hard and lonely just can’t get my head around anything feel so lost and just feel avoided by everyone

Hi soozie and Mufcab68,

I’m so sorry to hear that you recently lost your partners.

It sounds as though things are very tough and you are feeling really overwhelmed. I think you could really do with some support and I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about how you’re feeling here. There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.

The Samaritans are always there 24/7 if you need to talk about anything that’s bothering you (116 123, or jo@samaritans.org). You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.

We offer online bereavement counselling to members of this community. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: https://support.sueryder.org/bereavement-counselling

You deserve care and support so please, get in touch with one of these services. If you are at risk of harming yourself, please call 999, go to A&E or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.

Take care,
Hazel
Online Community team

No one can understand the pain. 6 months ago I had everything - now I have nothing. Somebody decided we were too happy. My Wife was only 59 !!

Thank you for caring Hazel. However nothing can ever replace my Wife. Life will never be good again.

There is nothing that I can say that will make this goaway or to change things for you I still have days when I don’t want to get out of bed and sleep never semes to come. We are all like this on here but just keep posting and reading it helps to no other are the same and its not just you. Your not alone on there love cj

So sad to read your post Mufcab68. I too met my husband in 1977 and lost him tragically in an accident while on holiday in July this year - he was my mate, soulmate and hubby - bit of a nightmare trying to get things sorted in a foreign country, nobody speaking English - but I got him home and I know that he would want me to be strong and carry on - I am sure your wife will be watching over you or will be close - so be strong and take each minute, hour and day as it comes, it truly will get better, it’s hard but it will get better x

Mufcab…
…yes i too once had everything ( although hand on heart i never realised how much i had at the time nor that it was the best times of my-our lives, we just dont at the time. do we…we only realise after we have lost our partner just how good once our life once was )…Yes i too am crying each and every day since 11th April when i suddenly lost my Richard aged 74, i am 68, he was my rock, my partner of 20 years as we met in later life…I am no one now without him by my side…this world has become such an empty place for me…

Jackie…

Thank you Hazel i just feel so lost and empty x

Thank u 4 yr reply. Sorry but I drink heavily n to ease the pain - for a while.

It’s been 5months (today) and I still feel lost & empty. My world revolved around him, and now I feel rudderless, and it is a terrible feeling. The change in my life is too much to grasp as a whole, so I really do try to get by a day at a time, sometimes just an hour at a time. I think that our pain is fueled by the fact that this is something we cannot change.
So many people do not know how to interact with a grief stricken person. They say the little phrases we’ve all been conditioned to say: “how are you?” (I just say different) “time will heal” (not really true), etc etc. They mean well, but unless you’ve traveled this road, you don’t truly know the pain & sadness. I think that death makes many uncomfortable, and they find it easier to avoid a grieving person. It makes me uncomfortable as well, to watch and feel their reactions to my situation.
I’ve been meeting a lot of new women through a local facebook page. We meet up in person, and I find for me that this is “easier” than trying to relate to many who knew us before. It helps to bring me out of myself as well as giving me a glimpse of what my future will be like. I go for walks & drives by myself, and nature does bring solace.
I’m trying very hard to heal myself and this forum offers me much support. Being able to write what I truly feel, to read what others are feeling and to know they understand , helps me many days. I try to find some positive each day, no matter how difficult. When the pain and grief and sorrow washes over me I just cry. At first I couldn’t go anywhere without being overwhelmed - now it comes & goes, and I have some control over my tears (guess I just learned how to “control” them). I let myself laugh, whenever, wherever, even by myself - the first time I laughed out loud I surprised myself but I instantly realized that “I” was still in there somewhere.
I think of myself at 5 weeks, and now at 5 months. I can see and feel the changes in myself. This new forced existence is frightening, but it is all I have. I have brief spells where everything feels “normal”, and then the quiet and aloneness and sadness come crashing down. I see & feel that I am weathering these crashes better than in the beginning, but they still rock me to my core.
I wanted to send you a positive post - to tell you to hold on , to tell you that you will make it through these bleak, overwhelming days. This is what I keep telling myself…

Hi Heather, so good to hear from you. I have always liked your thinking and attitude and now I know for definite that we are virtually walking the same road the same way. I can so relate to every word of yours. As you know I also find comfort in nature, and walk often, thereapeutic. Recently I actually heard myself laugh at something on TV.
I chat away to people I meet and try not to show my grief. It’s inside me and I want to keep it there when in company. Today while waiting for a bua I was chatting to another (male) passenger, when we got on the bus he asked if he could sit with me. Nothing special but it tells me that I’m not showing my grief and managing to have interesting conversations with people. I have joined a dance class once a week and back to attending church. Small steps that suit me. My old self seems to have gone but on occasions I do re-appear. I must admit to being easily shaken if something doesn’t quite go to plan. I want to stay in my comfort zone and be oblivious to outside distractions at the moment. I think I try hard but I crash also at times. Panic, frightened, being alone and cry easily. Yet I have lived alone before and coped very well and things were a lot harder in those days.
Take care and I hope is all well with your move.
Pat

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Small steps again now. …the move was a big step and has been a roller-coaster of emotion…but it is done and it is good. I understand about your conversation on the bus - I see “progress” in many small ways as well. I’m pushing my comfort zone , making myself meet new women (whom I find very gentle) and participating in normal life (having a little luncheon next week, volunteered for an event). I think it’s good for me as long as I take it easy and am gentle with myself.
This “trying” is such hard work but the alternative is despair, and I will not give in to despair…This aloneness is frightening and still overwhelming, but I will not let that defeat me - I will learn to live with myself and hopefully I will be able to find some degree of peace…one day at a time for now…
Take care of yourself - be gentle & kind to yourself - enjoy your walks !!

hi soozie
so sorry for your loss,so many of us on here have lost our partner ,wife or husband.
sadly we all have an idea what you are going through and how life can be so cruel.
theres no time limit for our grief,some of us cannot see the point in carrying on,others
seem to cope better theres no quick fix,its a day at a time and hopefully one day in the future all the hurt ,pain and very deep sense of loss wont be so hurtful.heres hoping you find a way to cope.loads of people on here will help you realise you are far from being on your own.we share all those feelings that your going through.
hope your family and friends offer you some solace to help a little.
regards
ian