Lost my partner

It really is comforting to know that others feel the same way, I too say, where are you? The brain takes a while to compute the fact that he is gone. Unbelievable pain of grief.

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@Margarita1 All of us seem to be experiencing the same emotions and our partners died quite recently. It is comforting in a way but I feel so very sad that there are so many of us in this awful boat. Is it sinking or are we just about afloat? Perhaps if we all row madly we will reach a place of peace and calm. Take care of yourselves everyone.

@Becks23 One month for you 8 weeks today for me. You are showing great strength by posting on here and I hope you have someone with you tomorrow to talk about him on his birthday.

I also say ā€˜where are youā€™ out loud. I still cannot believe he has gone. It sounds mad but I also keep thinking that if I donā€™t throw out his toiletries in the bathroom or his coats in the hall that he will come back. Before he got very poorly with Parkinsonā€™s he would always be up early about 6 am and make a cup of tea. The other morning I was woken by his voice saying my name as he did when he brought my cuppa in as I was usually still asleep. I woke up expecting him to be there with my tea! It was quite upsetting at the time as I could hear his voice clearly.

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Yes we are, over the past few days I am experiencing a sort of coming to terms with the reality. My mind now accepts that he is at peace and that he is not suffering any more, Iā€™m so thankful for that, of course I still have my moments of tears and missing him so much, but Iā€™m accepting of his having to leave me. He was a wonderful husband, father and grandfather and he tried so hard not to go. At the end I told him that I would be fine and to let go. He was so unselfish right up to the end. I will never get over his passing but Iā€™m sure the pain will lessen as time goes on. Itā€™s only been 2 months since he passed and at the moment I just feel empty and demotivated. But at the same time at peace knowing he is in a good place. Bless all of you that are in the same situation and may you too find peace. Xx

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Thank you. I think Iā€™m still in shock and disbelief, so probably coming from that place. It is so very sad that we are all this horrible boat. I think the thing I find the hardest to come to terms with is the potential number of years of happiness I, and we all, have been deprived of. Nothing will ever be the same again and it feels like we are being punished for having been happy. The colour has gone out of the world and wonā€™t ever return in the same intensity.

Dear AL - thank you. Yes I have wonderful friends and family for whom I am so very grateful. Thank you for your concern.

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@Becks23 You sum up my feelings exactly. We were making plans for more travel next year as we had more freedom after Dad died. We would have gone away in May and September this year if it werenā€™t for the virus. I agree it is as if we were are being punished for being so happy. Someone said to me the grief is stronger because the love was so strong. I always knew one of us would be in this terrible place but I secretly hoped it would be John not me. :broken_heart:

@CountryGirl You are not mad at all I have done exactly the same. All his things are in the same place and the last top he wore the day before he died is in the bed with me. It has long sleeves so I can wrap them around me and pretend it is his arms. I think hearing his voice was a gift although I understand it was also upsetting. I miss my cups of tea in the morning always accompanied by a big kiss.

Just read these last few posts, oh god , so sad for us all. Letā€™s hope weā€™ll all manage to keep afloat, Johnā€™s Wife. Becks, hope you cope tomorrow, it is truly horrible, wasalcolmā€™s birthday 2 weeks ago. Hope you can do something nice , dress up and raise a glass to him. Must admit, dressing up was an effort when he was the one I wanted to look nice for but weā€™ve got to hope that somehow they knowā€¦ Malcolm died suddenly 3 months ago, had his funeral a month to the day after my birthday and it was our wedding anniversary 2 days ago. All so emotional and gut wrenchingly sad but we somehow get through it and hopefully the next one will be a little less traumatic. Thought there might be a sign on those two occasions. but nothing. I loved the idea of the owl, what a lovely thing to happen. Country girl Iā€™m the same, all his clothes , shoes etc in the wardrobe, and out of it, yes, toiletries too, toothbrush in the beaker in the bathroom. We just donā€™t want to let any bit of them go. thatā€™s the problem , it feels like the only thing we have any control over in this alien world weā€™re existing in. Sending love to all. and hope tomorrow isnā€™t too awful for you Becks xx

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