Hello, I’ve just discovered this forum and reading some of the posts, I realise I am not alone and the only person to suffer in this way.
My partner passed away suddenly in February this year, he was 59 years old.
He was the kindest, loveliest man, just gorgeous outside and in and I was fortunate to have him by my side for almost 25 years. As well as being my partner and best friend, he was also my carer, as I have some long term health problems.
Since February - each day that has passed has been so difficult. The sadness and devestation of losing him has grown more and more.
I find myself hearing one of our favourite songs or watching a programme we liked on telly and I will look around to tell him something, only to realise I can’t because he is no longer here.
My younger Sister has been a star, but I don’t really have anyone to talk with and it would be nice to connect with others who understand how I feel.
Every reminder of a memory we shared has been difficult, but Christmas especially tough.
You are right Christmas has been especially tough. It is a time for memories. My husband suddenly died in February too and Christmas has been a milestone that I have dreaded for months.
I think for you one of the hardest things must be that your partner was so young. In the midst of all the searing grief must be the strong sense of the unfairness of it all. You are mourning your loss but also his lost years.
I too have been lucky with the amazing support that family and friends have given me but I totally understand the grinding grief of loneliness for the one person who isn’t there. This site is really supportive. There are some wonderful people on here.
In the meantime, I am sending you a big virtual hug.
I’m also halfway through my first Christmas break since losing my wife, and it has been sad and lonely. I have spent some time with family but that only makes you feel your loss even more. I am looking forward to the end of the holiday period when all the normal activities resume and I can restart my journey to some kind of life.
So sad as your partner was only 59. It’s very hard to come to terms with that, as you think you have so many years ahead together. My Ray was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer only 8 weeks before he passed, had his 60th birthday in hospital on Oct 5th, 12 days after that he was gone. He couldn’t talk about his diagnosis so I watched him fade away in front of me. The anticipatory grief was horrendous, knowing what was coming but this grief is a new kind of hell. Dragging yourself out of bed these days is so hard. I’m on my own except for our cat, and a lot of my family have backed away. They seem to think I should be over it by now. It’s tough and a dreadful road to be on, but please keep reading the posts here, and keep posting. I find it a great comfort, as we all know what you’re going through. Am just really glad Christmas is out of the way, as it was hard going. Take good care x
Hope so too Tony and very sorry for your loss. I’m dreading a new year as it’s one where Ray will never live in. I’m sure others will struggle with this too
