Lost my wife

My wife passed away at home on the 4th November, she wasn’t well but wasn’t that unwell that we were expecting it. Neither of us have children, although Im now the primary carer for my brother in law who has brain damage. Im finding it extremely hard to sleep, eat and most days im just stairing into space, with horrible pains like ive swallowed a brick. We were making plans, looking forward to the future, she was always the strongest out of us both, Im now lost, it feels like Ive died but Im still here walking around completely lost. Im blessed with somethings the fact we have a home but no one to share it with now shes gone. I have lots of friends but there all got jobs and a life of there own. I just want the pain to stop or atleast get easier. The funeral hasn’t taken place yet, its end of December. Ive reached out for support from my doctors and waiting fir counciling to help me fix myself, I know im broken I know I need help and support. Its really hard to explain and I really feel alone no one to talk to that understands my pains no one to hug, say good morning, goodnight and the chat inbetween, no one to share my life with that chosen to be with me.

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@MRP I’m sorry for your loss .

We all know exactly how you fee. The emptiness, the fact that we have no one to share the big and small things with, the helplessness. The pain.

Please keep talking to us until you get some counselling.

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@MRP
So sorry for your loss. It is early days as you will be numb with the shock and trauma. Your mind and heart need to process it and that takes time. Give yourself permission to grieve. Grief is love with nowhere to go so just let It flow. You are reaching out and that’s a good thing. Take everything day by day and it will get easier as time goes by. It never goes away and why would we want it to…but we learn to adjust and adapt because although our world has suddenly stopped, life goes on. Sending you a hug and remember, be kind to yourself, don’t put yourself under any pressure to fix anything, it’s ok to be broken, your heart has to heal

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@MRP So sorry to hear that you have joined this club.
I won’t lie. The next few weeks are going to be very difficult. I was not expecting to feel the physical pain as deeply as I did. It felt like a wound that kept getting larger & deeper with a poison that made me feel sick. I couldn’t eat or sleep & seeing my two kids in pain made me even worse because I couldn’t take their pain away. Reaching out is a good thing but don’t focus on trying to fix anything - it can’t be fixed - it’s part of your journey, just allow yourself to be present each day in whatever way you are comfortable with. We are allowed to feel all the feelings that go through us.
Take care x

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Missing Karen every minute Im awake, dreams are terrible.
I appreciate your kind words and truths thats hard to comprehend, but helping me to think its normal.
I given my wife CPR while waiting for the ambulance, I honestly dont know If I did it correctly and it hurts me to think, but I know deep inside I did my best For my baby girl. She was in terrible pain for years over varying illnesses but always overcome each one like no other Ive ever Known. It pains me also that she was only recently discharged from hospital, I originally wrote to the trust with a complaint but now I dont know what to do as an apology wouldn’t have fitted if Karen was here, now she isn’t its eating away at me. I have friends with me this evening so Im thankful for that.
Steve.

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I can’t add anything to that . But to wish you peace and strength !!

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Keep strong my friend and keep posting here. You can’t alter what went on before and you can’t change the future- you can though take one day at a time, that’s all we can do- you are not alone with these feelings. Keep talking

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