I have joined here as i am really struggling to cope its been 5 months since i watched him struggling for that last breath and now i am riddled with guilt. We were together for 30 years but new each other 35 i was 15 when i first met him. We had 2 children both now adults and at first i put on a brave face as it upset my kids to see me upset i thought carrying on like i knew my partner would have wanted me too would heal my pain.i wemt back to work 3 weeks after but now 4 months later i can barely get out of bed i am crying all time had to take time off work and i have even considered joining him in eternal rest. How do i get through this without him by my side ?
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Hi
Hi I lost my partner suddenly in February this year she was only 44yr it truly broke me and I felt just how you are feel now and truthfully I still do it’s so hard to deal with but plz try to stay strong i no it’s easy to say but unless you have been through it no one will ever understand so if you ever need to talk take care and God bless u
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Dear @Claire30
I’m so sorry for the pain of loss that you are feeling.
I lost my husband 7 months ago. He was a healthy 52 year old who died suddenly in his sleep. We were together for 24 years and have a teenage son. Nothing can describe and utter earth-shattering pain of losing your partner. I feel as if the old me died with him.
I didn’t return to work for 5 months - I couldn’t barely think straight. It’s okay to feel like this because grief does that.
Please take care of yourself and know that you are not alone. On this site we all know the devastation of losing someone so please do post on here whenever you need to.
Take care x
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Thank you it feels like a weight has been lifted because i have actually writtem out loud how i feel my manager at work is unhappy i have had to take time off as they are already short staffed suggesting i work night shifts if i cannot sleep she thinks that becaise i came back to work 3 weeks after he passed that there should be no reasons for me to be off. I feel so confused as theres no rules or guides about what i should be doing now.
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I completely feel your pain and understand, I’m so sorry for your loss. My last moments with my husband were similar, I have regrets too. I lost him 6 months ago to cancer. We were together 46 years, he was the love of my life and best friend. I too don’t want to burden my children with to much grief as they have their own as well. I tell myself I have to accept the fact he died and is not coming back, and stop ruminating on the should haves. Ive been listening to widow podcasts, and reading many books on grief, healing after loss, and signs. As For me I’m going to get out in nature and take more walks. After the first month I worked in the yard, keeping up what my husband loved.
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Hi @Claire30
I’m so sorry for your loss and to hear how bad things have become for you. I’m glad to hear that getting your thoughts out in the forum provided some relief.
My wife died from cancer 10 months ago. We had been married for 30 years and she was, and still is, my true love and soul mate. Losing her was like being ripped apart and I know I will never be whole again.
How have I got through this year? I honestly don’t know. Reading this forum (I rarely post) has helped. Very few people in my life understand the visceral nature of the grief I’ve been going through, and it is some comfort to know that I’m not the only one.
I have done a few practical things that have helped. I share them in case they’re of use to you, or others, but I know everyone’s grief is different and what works for me may not work for you.
I started writing a journal. It began as a mix of the stories from our life together that I wanted to celebrate, and the sadness that I felt from being alone. Eventually it changed into a stage play (I’ve never written one before) about how the laws of the universe mean we are destined to be together again. I hope one day to perform it (I’ve never acted in one before).
I’ve put together a playlist of our favourite songs. This has grown into a list of over a hundred that tell the story of our thirty years together. My dogs get up at dawn for a walk and, when I go, I put my earphones in and play those songs. Some days, when I want to shut the world out and be alone with my grief, I don’t take the earphones out and spend all day just listening to songs that make me cry, smile, and cry some more.
I started to be honest with my two adult sons about how I was feeling. In truth, they already knew and were very worried that I might be contemplating suicide. When I opened up, it was like I stopped treating them like kids and allowed them in as grown ups - to support me and so we could grieve together.
I’ve stopped pretending with friends, neighbours and acquaintances that things are ok. Now when people greet me with “How are you?” I always ask whether they mean it as a greeting or a genuine question. If they say the latter, then I give them a genuine answer. I’m very lucky that almost everyone has chosen to listen and offer support - recognising there is nothing they can say to make me feel better - and hardly anyone has tried to tell me what I should be doing.
I’ve put up photos of her everywhere through the house. I know it looks like I’ve turned my entire home into a shrine but I don’t care. Whenever I feel sad, and that’s pretty much all the time, I need to look up and see her face. It makes it easier to talk to her.
I’ve digitised every family video we ever made. Sadly, she’s too often on the other side of the camera but, whenever things get overwhelming, I know I can put one of them on and listen to her voice and see her face. Our wedding video is a favourite, and I often find myself reaffirming my vows as I watch.
I hope that’s helpful. I know a lot of what I do is not normal but, if I’m honest, I don’t think there is a normal for me anymore - just what gets me through the day.
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Thank you for taking the time to reply x