Lost Partner

My husband passed away on the 16th September at the age of 48. He had muscular dystrophy and was recently diagnosed with prostate cancer, which had matastasized, so no cure. My support network is fantastic but I feel so lost. I don’t like this new normal. I am now a single parent. I feel so empty and alone.

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Hello Denise,

I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope you find some comfort from this forum; I know I have. Please keep reading and posting because you are amongst people who care, but most importantly who understand what it is to lose that special person.

It’s good that you have a strong support network so don’t be afraid to lean on them.

Take your time Denise; grief can’t be rushed. Please know you are not alone. There is always someone here ready to chat and listen. x

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Thank you so much for taking the time to response. I’ve always been a very strong person, with a husband who was just the same. Even getting up is now an effort. Tears are always just below the surface. I was devastated when I lost my Dad, but this is in a completely different league.

Hi Denise,

You are so right. All losses are different. I lost my mum 10 years ago and my brother just 5 months before my husband passed away. Both losses were devastating but nothing compares to losing my husband.

Today I’m going to pay for my husband’s funeral and pick up his ashes, I want him to come home. I’m sobbing as I write this, my stomach is churning and my chest feels tight. It hurts so much.

I hope bringing your husband home can give you some comfort. My husband was buried and I visit the cemetery often with flowers, but only because I want his memorial to always look nice. I don’t feel him there and when I look at the inscription on the stone it looks very odd, I still can’t believe it reads his name. It’s a pleasant place to go and sit though. I’ve had a bench placed there too. It’s quite a beautiful little church cemetery surrounded by trees and when I sit all I can hear is the birds.

A friend of mine has her husband’s ashes in a beautiful urn and has placed them on her bedroom window sill so he is overlooking the garden. She says they bring her enormous peace and comfort. I hope yours do too Denise, maybe not immediately but in time.

I remember only too well, the raw grief you are feeling now and yes it physically hurts. People don’t realise that not only does it hurt emotionally but it hurts mentally and physically too. I remember the whole of my being racked in searing, agonising pain and wanting to roll up in a ball away from everything and everyone. I also remember being in manic mode, frenzy like which I didn’t realise at the time but now when I look back I see that it was indeed erring on the side of mania. I’m telling you this so that you know that anything goes and what you are feeling is not uncommon in grief.

One of and probably my best coping strategies is my journal which I write to my husband. It started off as a diary when he was taken into hospital after suffering a sudden cardiac arrest from which came catastrophic brain damage. It continued as a diary for a short while after his passing but then morphed into conversation with my man. I now write to my husband in my journal whenever I have something to tell him, it doesn’t follow any set pattern. I keep him posted about family and friends and also how I’m feeling and always how much I love and miss him. It really helps. It’s very private and nobody has ever seen it. It’s between me and him. If I go on holiday, my journal comes with me.

It’s a big day for you today Denise so I hope you can feel your husband close, hold him in your heart. Something which has surprised me more than anything is how my love for my husband has continued to grow. :sparkling_heart:

May love and strength be with you today. xx

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Thank you so much your words have really resonated with me. I brought my husband home and although I sobbed all the way home, I felt happy to be reunited with him and feel he is back where he belongs.
I think the idea of a journal is one I may start. Thank you :heart: x

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Hi Denise, I lost my husband suddenly last December and like you I have his ashes at home. It gives me great comfort to know he is here with me and wherever I go in the future he will be going with me. Like you the pain was unbearable but I’m learning to live with it now. It will never go away but I will carry on living my life. It’s what he would have wanted. He made me the person I am today, without him physically in my life going forward is going to be hard, but I will do it knowing he is with me every step of the way

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I lost my husband in April this year. He had been suffering with MND and was just 55. I bought a beautiful rose with the name ‘my lovely dad’ - our only son has special needs and his ashes are buried in a lovely pot with the rose in the garden. It has bloomed beautifully all summer and is still flowering now. I feel he is with us - the garden was a huge project of ours and he really loved it.

It’s been a little easier today, just one bout of tears, mainly because I have just found out, because I still get his emails, that someone has been getting credit cards in his name. I have been so angry, and when I have reported it , I have been told thanks very much, unfortunately we can’t speak to you. I understand data protection etc. but I wanted to know the outcome, as I still consider myself to be his wife.