You are so right,I watched my dear wife suffer in pain for weeks in hospital,the pain relief was not working most of the time and she suffered badly,it was killing me watching her in againy with this awful bladder cancer .I will never get those images out of my head.Getting through each day is so hard,as you hour by hour until it is time to get to bed ,my safety zone ,close the curtains ,close the door try to sleep.Michael x
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Absolutely right,we loved them so much and now it hurts so much to live without them.This is a terrible journey as you say but we are all together on here supporting each other.Thanks for the hugs. Much love to you all Michael x
Morning Michael, another lonely morning for us. A very cold, frosty morning it is too. On days like this Ian would be happily defrosting the cars and pottering about, always busy. The silence resonates now.
Take good care of yourself, although I know how hard it is. Judith would want you to look after yourself, from what I’ve read about her I am SURE that is true xx
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Morning JaneyS ,thank you ,yes another lonely day ahead,just had a major meltdown,lots of crying for Judith ,I miss her so very much and with winter coming I am quite scared to face it without her by my side.I am trying to look after myself but the thought of food makes mr feel sick and not sleeping very well also.The loneliness is so hard to take. Judith was such a strong woman,I am ashamed to say that I am now weak without her.Much love to you for caring Michael x
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Hi Michael I was like that this time last year wondering how I was going to face Xmas and try and be happy but it does get easier as the time goes on I found the councelling helpful I couldn’t sleep as well the first few months been in a flat on my own . I have a funeral to go today of a colleague at my wk her dad and I lost a resident who I was key worker to for 8 years last Tuesday she was 99 bless her but I will miss her died of dementia but I hope it gets better for you .
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Thank you I hope so too and thank you for caring. Michael x
Please reach out and chat in this group. I’m still grieving after six months.
We were married for 32 years and I loved her so much x
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Yes this group is very helpful,I too had Judith with me for 32 years until she was taken by cancer and the covid outbreak.Miss her so much ,life never the same again. Michael x
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How are you doing Michael? It’s good to have this site to put your feelings down isn’t it?!
We’ve had a lifetime with our beloved partners and at least we can speak to others living with the same unbearable loss. Lots of love, Janey xx
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Not good last night had a terrible night could not get to sleep thinking about Judith all night and how she suffered.Keep seeing her face in those final moments and it is killing me.Janey I am in a dark place . Much love Michael x
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Are you getting any help from your GP Michael? I honestly think you could do with someone checking in on you a bit more to try and help you with your thoughts & feelings.
I hope you manage to go out a little bit each day as that definitely helps too.
I know you have friends near you, please keep reaching out to them xx
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Yes Janey I have seen my GP a couple of times ,she gave me sleeping pills and the number of a counsellor.I know I am in a bad place but cannot help it,I am lost in life.Without Judith I am nothing.Yes friends do help but they cannot be with me all the time.Judith was my life partner. Missing her so much I am in pain everyday. Michael x
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So very, very sorry Michael xx
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I am really suffering this morning,just keep thinking about Judith and how she passed away at the hospice.It was horrendous for her and me.I will have nightmares forever after seeing her pass away .I have that sick feeling again,thought it had gone.I am so sad today,so unhappy,so lonely.Facing the future alone is very scary.Spending most of the time alone is not the way I want to live. Michael x
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I know the feeling all to well, Gary passed 5 weeks ago after only 3 weeks being told he was palliative. I’m totally lost, numb and very frightened. Every day is just as bad as the previous.
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Michael I would strongly say that Sue Ryder counselling has helped me massively. Because of some of the things that happened around when Sunny was in ITU before he died, I have a “complicated grief” which adds to the trauma of it all. It sounds like you have all these intrusive thoughts from that period when Judith was in the Hospice, and that it’s a struggle to move forward at the moment. I’d really say please do consider filling in the form for the assessment session. They are so kind.
Lots of love
Sophie
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