How do I get through the next few days, Christmas etc.
I unexpectedly lost ‘my one’ due to Covid complications, young, fit, healthy and I’m in complete shock at the moment.
Friends have been rallying around but I’m just not taking anything in and going through the motions.
How do I go on without him?
@OS77….so sorry to hear of your loss. Nothing makes sense and everything seems futile I get that totally.
Don’t have any advice as to how to get through this Xmas as it’s my first one without my mum but there are plenty people here who may be able to offer something.
When you are feeling up to it please come chat about the love of your life x
OS77
So sorry for your loss. I lost my soulmate only 6 weeks ago, having been misdiagnosed with long Covid but it had been cancer all along. I am not even going through the motions, I am simply not functioning. Each person has their own way of grieving, in my case I cannot cope. I have been told the pain will never leave you, instead you learn to adapt.
Take care x
My partner was found dead in his house Dec 1 he told me he was I’ll but said he was going to Hosp he lives in Durham I live in London the first week was complete shock endlessly rerunning things in my mind, it was a v special relationship, of 4 years but really getting together this summer we were so happy this is third week, I am now eating every day, it’s all massive to process, I have a good friend whose husband was murdered and she tells me to go through all the feelings, which are unbearable at times, I think just to get through each day, but things are changing the sadness is greater but the shock is going. It feels a terrible lonely place to be but talking with people does help I rang the Samaritans a few times and it does help and have relief to get through this. Because we have to decide to get through you are not alone and things like this forum are good, sometimes it is because we loved in the first place but I wouldn’t have been without that for anything big hug to you
Thank you everyone, it’s just too raw at the moment. I know people go through this everyday but it’s a very lonely place to be.
I’m scared to put the radio on because of the music that may play, I’m worried about leaving the house in case I breakdown in public….
It just feels all too unbearable at the moment and even more so with everyone else enjoying the holidays.
I wish I could answer the ‘How do I go on without him?’ but I’m afraid I can’t. My husband died suddenly, collapsed whilst out on a run. We were meant to have so many more years together. Our children are now adults so we were meant to have more time for us. I don’t know how I have a future without the one person who was meant to be with me for the journey. Try refuge in grief.com - it’s written by someone who understands. Take care and keep getting support from wherever you can.
I wish I had the answers for you . All I can say is keep putting one foot in front of the other.
This is my first Christmas without my husband and I must admit there are times when I’m really struggling.
Thinking of you . Stay strong xx
Thank you for the responses, today I finally managed to put my tree up as I have my daughters here tomorrow and Boxing Day.
It’s so hard just putting on that brave face.
It’s only been 4 days since I lost him, I’m feeling a lot of detachment, numbness and anger today….barely any tears that I’ve had none stop the last few days.
I can’t bare to listen to Christmas songs in the house or out and about and my youngest is sorting my wrapping etc. I’m feeling pretty useless, I’m usually the one sorting everything but have no motivation to do any of it.
We had to get last minute bits yesterday and I had to force myself out of the house, the anxiety is horrendous.
Love to everyone who is going through similar, this is literally a living hell.
Hello, don’t beat yourself up about anything.
If you don’t feel like doing something don’t do it.
The world won’t end if you don’t.
Be kind to yourself.
Take care.
Thank you Craig x
Going into the new year, knowing that he’s still not had his funeral, knowing exactly where he is at the moment…….I’m trying to keep busy and focused with family but I’m really struggling…
I’m struggling too, not had funeral too, literally just getting through each day, life has totally changed it’s also the closeness and they are gone it’s so huge I just think to get through however I can, have managed to make a couple of meals for friends who came over but some days can’t do much at all, just do whatever you can to get through, you are processing a massive shock, it will take time be kind to yourself and remember you are not alone, this sadly happens as part of life, many people have to sadly go through this, big hug to you x x
It’s. so hard but we plod forward lost my husband after 44years take Clare annie x
Hi Sue,
Thank you for your reply.
I know it’s part of being human, inevitably everything that all of us experience throughout our lives but it doesn’t make it any easier.
Thank you for your kind words.
Today my children have gone home, the house is empty and I’ve busied myself with taking the decorations down that got put up last minute Christmas Eve because I couldn’t let the grandchildren down.
I’m due to return to work on Tuesday, I don’t even want to be part of that anymore.
I’m trying, I really am but life feels pointless at the moment even though I have my kids and family, friends etc.
Today has been ok, but this evening is not great.
Lots of love to you x
Dear OS77
So very sorry for your loss and your pain.
If you don’t feel ready to go back to work then don’t go- everyone is different and if you have a job that distracts your mind in a good way, then it might be helpful, but please don’t rush back just for colleagues’ sake or for others’ expectations. It’s SUCH very early days for you. The circumstances of my partner Sunny’s death put me into a long period of shock and I ended up being off sick from my stressful job for months. I’ve only just gone back.
You say that you’re “trying” and I think we often “try” to ‘pull ourselves together’ or to ‘be ok’ outwardly to fulfill other people’s need for us to be ‘getting better’, rather than our own needs. I have had people say “oh that’s positive!” or “You’re doing well” with a big sigh of relief when I tell them I’ve managed to go for a swim or something. They’re coming from a good place but I have felt at times that I’m looking after others’ feelings, not my own- hope that makes sense.
The loss of our wonderful partners is massive and rips us apart, for a long time. Treat yourself with love and kindness, just like he did.
With love to you and all of us x
Hi Sophie,
Thanks for your response.
I completely get where you’re coming from, I hadn’t thought about it like that but you’re right, I’m trying to move forward for everyone else’s sake and their expectations of me and what I should be doing.
I work in an extremely stressful environment, which isn’t great, dealing with other peoples needs during crisis etc when I’m finding it difficult enough to pour from my own cup at the moment but I’m doing what I can.
Thank you again for taking time to reply x x