Lost the love of my life

Last night I lost my husband and everything is so raw.

Oh Julia, let me be the first to give you a ((( hug ))) although I am not far behind you…nor are some other of our members…


Or is that in front of you…April 11th…

My gosh Julia. There is nothing I can say at this moment but one thing. We all know and understand. I feel your pain, believe me. Grief is universal and the pain of grief takes some courage to cope with. It’s so early yet to offer advice. You have come to the right place though, because everyone here has been just where you are now. Now promise you will come back and talk to us. There will be a lot to do at first which may help the numbness you feel. Allow grief to happen.
I am so very sorry I can’t say more and help more. One feels helpless at such times. Take it easy and take care. You will find the courage to cope, we all do, but it’s hard going. Blessings.

Dear Julia
My heart goes out to you
I remember the morning after my husband died
My best friend turned up first thing and refused to leave until I had let her in and spoken to her . Then people started to arrive to pay their condolences…I was still in my nightdress . It was a nightmare although their intentions were good

It’s the shock
You just get through it and do what you have to do
People will say stuff …inappropriate stuff …which just makes you feel worse
You may have days when a tsunami of grief and crying hits you
Please use the people on this forum to help you
We have all …and still do …help each other
Bereavement is a strange new world
It’s coming up to a year now since my husband died unexpectedly
I wish I could tell you it gets easier to deal with but that’s all I can say is that it gets different
Sending you all the love in the world for the journey ahead
We are all here when you need us
Love Romy xxxxx

Hi all
Thanks for getting back to me - I really appreciate. We were so close that we rarely mixed with others and now I just really have my immediate family ie my daughter and mother to help me. There’s so much to do and my hands shake so much I can hardly get the forms done. We had been together constantly since the day we met. In 2000 and married in 2002. I think I’m going to use the online counselling here because I don’t think I can get through this otherwise. Tim was 64 so so young really and I’m only 60 - it just feels too young to become a widow.

Dear Julia
I know how you feel
I have my three daughters and my mum
My husband was 60 and I was 58 when it happened
I’ll be 60 next year
My mum is in her nineties and one of the first thoughts that came into my head after Mark died was …oh god , what if I live as long as my mum …over 30 years without him . Doesn’t bear thinking

Today I have said to myself just see if you can do the next five years …which is an improvement from this time last year when it was so hard to do even the next five minutes
I used to break my day down into three parts and try to do something constructive in the morning , the afternoon and the evening . It helped to think of the day like that in the beginning for about the first 6 months

I have also had some monthly bereavement counselling at the hospital where my husband died in the ITU three days after the sudden cardiac arrest at home with me ,
That helps too

Sending love
Romy xxxxx

Oh Julia, I am so sorry, my heart really goes out to you. I stood where you are on the 29 November 2018, and that day my life changed forever as, undoubtedly, yours will too. You are still very much in shock and everything will feel so surreal at the moment. Please don’t put any unnecessary pressure on yourself, if things can wait for a day or two, put them aside at least for this weekend. Also don’t forget to eat and drink. I remember living on bananas for the first couple of weeks they were all I could manage to swallow, but they kept me going. Like you I am a young widow. I was 52 when I lost my lovely George, and it just seems all so overwhelming. I now try to just take each day as it comes and not look too far ahead because I cannot cope with that. I guess like the rest of us you will find your own way of coping. Don’t be afraid to cry, scream and shout but equally remember to try and smile when you are reminded of something good. I can honestly say not a day has gone past when I have not cried but I have also learnt to laugh again too, and so will you. Take care, my thoughts will be with you xx

Julia im so sorry we all feel your pain We are here for you , Love Pam xx

Hi JuliaMet
I’m so sorry about your loss. I lost my husband Ian a year this August 4th. He was 60 and I was 59. Too young isn’t it but I’m grateful for the years we had and I’m still madly in love with him. I remember the early days. So unreal. You learn to live with your grief in a fashion. People on this site are so lovely and understanding. We have all been where you are now. Take a day at a time, no more. I still do that.
Take care and thinking of you
Julie xx

Dear Julie
We are nearly the same …lost my husband July 30 th last year . He was 60 and I was 58 and I’m still very much in love with him too , like you are with your husband
It’s unreal . To go from being part of a loving couple to doing everything on your own , albeit with my children and mum and friends . It’s just not the same
My head hurts from trying to get my head around what happened . It’s like living a double life . I look alright on the outside and I am a mess on the inside .

I’ll be glad when summer is over
Too many memories from last year crowded in my head now as we approach the first anniversary of losing them
My husband felt like ‘home’ to me and now that feeling has gone

The only place I feel at peace with myself at the moment is actually sitting on his grave , I know that sounds weird but I think it’s the nearest I can get to him …so that’s what I do

Whatever gives us some measure of comfort …and it changes all the time for me

Anyway it’s very late now
I have just given my youngest daughter and her boyfriend a lift home from seeing a band . At least I’m still useful to my children and they appreciate it which is lovely. Don’t know what I’d do without them

Sending love to get through the next few weeks and for the future
Romy xxxxx

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Thanks Romy. I so know how you are feeling.
You take care and sending you a big hug.
We will survive xxx

Yes …we will

Hi Romy How are you today? its been raining today so wondered if you had been up to your place, Ive been really down the last few days just want to be as I always was but know it will never happen again, I don’t know who I am anymore feel a stranger to myself. Yet having that one person back could change it all , Just need the cuddles and need to be held but no one touches me anymore feel like a leper Still that’s how it is now, sorry so down. Take care love Pam xx

Dear JuliaMet, l am so very sorry for your loss. I too am a young widow . I am 63, and so was my lovely husband Peter. He was taken from me suddenly 8 weeks ago. This forum has really helped me. Such wonderful caring people on here who will support, and listen to you. Take care of yourself, and take each day in your own time.