Lost wife and half my soul

19th october i said goodby to everything that mattered in this world and wife of 23 years.

She wasnt even 50 years old and had fought bravely againsf cancer all year.

I now walk round the house missing her and wishing she would just be there in her chair.

This hole will never heal.

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SteveG,
I am so sorry for your loss and can feel with you. I too lost my husband and soul mate of 33 years to cancer and the pain and loneliness are unbearable. Am here to listen if you want.

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@SteveG HI, there’s nothing I can say that’s going to make things any less painful, but you’re among people who understand. We’ve all been you. I’m so sorry you find yourself here, it’s not something that any of us on here ever gave any thought to until it was our turn. You will feel as if you are losing your mind, it’s normal, it will fade. If you can keep reaching out on here, there’s usually someone around

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@SteveG we are here for you, it is shit… My wife died 3 weeks ago and I am struggling on through. This forum helps as we have all been through the same situation. Keeping reaching out and there will someone to connect with
Take care of yourself
Pete

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Steve g so sorry for your loss .i can sympathise with you on this. I lost my gorgeous beautiful wife sue on the 1st February this year to pancreatic cancer which had spread to her lungs and liver but sue fought it valiantly were all on the same journey.

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So sorry for your loss. I lost my wife 3 years ago so I can relate to your situation. I think you will find good people here and some good support. I can’t tell you it gets easier, that old saying “a day at a time” becomes at times “an hour at a time”, just trying to get through. I think all we can do is keep talking and supporting.

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I can only add to the earlier messages and say that I am very sorry to hear of your loss. I lost my wife in July after watching her battle secondary breast cancer for nearly two years. It spread to her bones and her liver and, despite some wonderful palliative care and treatment, I could only watch it take her away from me. She was a very young 55 years old and we had been together 37 years (married 31). I know it is a cliche, but it was a blessing at the end as her suffering was unbearable for both of us. I take some comfort from the fact that I was by her side all the way, as she would have been for me, and she is at peace now. She was so brave and insisted that we (me and our adult children) don’t go to pieces and carry on with our plans. It is so much easier said than done, though. I have been focusing on the practical matters that need to be done but I am now coming to the end of that particular mission and finding the free time I now have is particularly difficult. I miss her so much. I find myself sitting on her side of the bed each night and recounting my day to her - not in a morbid way, just in a conversational way and even have a laugh to myself at some of the things I know she would have found amusing. Possibly sounds a bit weird but we do whatever helps get us through.

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Hello DWJ,
So sorry for your loss!!! Lost my husband of almost 32 years 9 weeks ago today to this curse too. Whatever gives YOU comfort is right, not weird or funny. I too talk to my husband, even aloud sometimes, though mostly in my head… feel free to reach out, you’ll always find someone to talk to here who can relate and understand. Best Wishes to you.

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Thanks all. Its still raw and i do talk to her aloud.

Main battle right now is finding purpose as im just filling the day as i sort through things.

I try not to think of the long term plans alone

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I know what you mean by filing the days. For the first couple of weeks I spent the days organising our house. There’s just so many times the draws can be organised and towels and sheets folded and stacked. My poor dog was getting tired of all the walks. Bit by bit you will find a modicum of normality, until then perhaps just ensuring you have some routine to keep the world slowly turning.

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I understand how you are feeling, I lost my beautiful Pam on 29th August, just 3 weeks after being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. No symptoms of anything before and she was so fit and enjoying life. She was told there was nothing they could do and was put on palliative care. The next day she cried and fell to her knees saying she wanted to climb Catbells again and swim and canoe in Ullswater but knew she never would. I held her and cried with her. She was a young 62 and it seems so cruel. It was hard organising her funeral and I’m not ashamed to say I cried during that. I miss her so much. Pam was my life and my reason for living. It’s difficult without her and people who I thought would help just melt away. I try to go out every day and have joined a bereavement group which helps. There’s nothing much out there for people like us. Try to keep strong but I know it’s hard.

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For Ava2… Thank you for the understanding kindness and I feel for your loss and the plans you were looking forward to which came to an end so cruelly. I have Pam’s ashes and was also given two small pouches with some in and I put one in my pocket and take her with me when I go to places I know she liked to go… it helps me, and I talk to her in my mind as I walk about. I too feel I will meet her again and at times can’t wait but we have to live and I know Pam would be disappointed in me if I gave up. We have a 2yr old working Cocker Spaniel, he was her dog really and she said to me “don’t get rid of Woody, he’ll be good for you” and I never will. This forum is good to express our feelings with the only other people who really understand.

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Another one who is trying to fill her day. The airing cupboard is ear marked , but at the moment I can’t stop crying.

And another who lost their beloved to pancreatic cancer. Only 5 weeks ago, and it’s still so raw.

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Paddy53 i lost my gorgeous beautiful wife sue to pancreatic cancer on the 1st February this year and its still really raw .I cry a lot but then i a made a promise to carry on fighting for life to sue and yes i have bad days but then I can hear sue saying come on don’t you give up. I know you can do this

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So sorry for your loss,you have just joined a club that no one wants to be a member
of.I lost my wife of 40yrs in February, she took the best part of me away with her and left behind the rubbish that no one will want.I can only console myself with knowing that it’s me feeling the pain and not her.One day I believe that we will be reunited,until then I will try and make some kind of life for myself,I know that she would want that for me.

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