Lost without her

I lost my beautiful wife who was also the best friend I ever had in September 2022. She was 46 years old. I feel so lost without her. We were together for over 25 years. She was diagnosed with an aggressive type of cancer in December 2021. She was incredibly fit and strong until the cancer started taking its toll. Throughout her cancer journey we all believed if anyone could beat it, it would be her. She did EVERYTHING she could to fight it. She researched, ordered health supplements from all over the world, kept as active as she could, underwent the chemo etc and remained positive throughout. Even in the last days of her life, she was using a little floor cycle machine to try and help drain fulid from her legs. She never gave up. She was the most positive person I’ve ever met. When she died, it didn’t seem possible that that could happen. Our lovely, happy world was torn in apart. I have swallowed what’s happened, but it’s impossible to digest. The simple things like parting the back of her hair for her so she could do her pigtail plats. Going shopping together. Cooking together.
Going for a simple walk and of course just being hand in hand together are gone forever. We were a team, soul mates and each other’s rock. I used to be bored standing in Boots or Superdrug while she selected a mascara. Now, I’d gladly stand there for the rest of my life just to be with her. Somedays I’m having “good” day but suddenly the realisation of the magnitude of what’s happened hits me and I break down and sob. I’m heartbroken, I’m lost without her. We have 3 children, all boys and I know I must do all I can to keep going for them. They take priority over everything. I just need someone, anyone who is in a similar situation to talk to. Nobody knows how someone else feels but some can at least relate to the horrendous feeling of loss.

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Hi @Mike7 , sorry you find yourself here. My wife was 50 and died 2nd September 2022 from triple negative breast cancer that had spread to brain and bones so I know how you are feeling that you would take one more day of being with her. Either just doing normal stuff or just doing nothing but doing nothing together.

I’m also lost without my wife and have days where I’m ok ish and then days when it’s relentless and knocks me off my feet and I can’t help but think about the last few weeks, rather than the happier times. We have one daughter who like you is the number one priority.

One day at a time is how I’m dealing with it, along with talking to her and thinking, ‘what would she want me to do here’ and knowing her response. Or, if the position was reversed, what would I want her to do to try to carry on. Richard E Grant has released a book I just read called ‘a pocketful of happiness’ as his wife died last year and she wanted him to try to have a small amount of happiness every day if possible, although she knew he would be sad.

Stay strong.

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Thank you for reading my post. I’m sorry to hear you are in the same kind of situation. I often think what my wife would do if it had been me who’d died. I think: “What would Nic do?” The answer is she’d carry on because the situation is what it is and can’t be changed, so make the best you can of what you’ve been thrown into and keep positive. I know it’s easier said than done but all of us in this situation must try to stay positive and strong

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That wasn’t intended to sound blunt btw. Just me thinking out loud and trying to sound positive. My head is up you know where at the moment

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Didn’t sound blunt at all. My mind is often shooting in a hundred different directions about all of this. I’ve got counselling lined up in the new year for my daughter and myself that I hope will help just talking about things.

But the bottom line is, nothing can change the situation which is where the dreadful sadness kicks in.

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O my god this has hit so many nerves for me, ive recently lost my husband who was my life we spent every minute of the day together he was fit and active 50 year old went to the gym everyday had some pain doctors thought he had gal stones diagnosed on the 19th sep this year within 4 weeks we were in a hospice then 5 weeks later he was dead. Id give anything just to have 5 minutes with him im just so lost. Ive forgotten who i am on my own, there are no tasks at all that he wasn’t part of and i just dont know how i can go on. Its just awful to read so many people in similar situations its just bloody heart breaking

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Amanda
It truly is heartbreaking. So sorry to read of your horrendous loss. I’m not in any way glad there are other people suffering but knowing others are all in the same storm makes me feel less isolated at least. I guess like me you feel you have lost one half of the perfect whole. I need to carry on for the sake of our 3 boys and also because my wife, Nicci would want me to keep strong and keep going. It’s not easy of course. The whole situation seems beyond belief. I wish it was all just a bad dream. I’m not qualified to offer advice but If it were me who’d died I’d wish for my beautiful Nicci to stay strong and keep going.
Try to take care of yourself

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