Hello, I lost my partner on 30th Jan this year. He has been in recovery and after some setbacks with his health, he was doing great, amazing even! I even said to him (Andrew) that I felt things were going so well, it felt too good to be true. We were each other’s best mate and alongside being in love with him with my heart and soul, we just really liked each other and loved just sitting watching true crime or history documentaries. He was 50 last year, I got him a puppy Monty our son a Shih Tzu to keep him company whilst I was in work, he loved him and it kept him going, walking him. On the 27th Jan, he came home and looked like he was under the influence, so I asked he leave as our grandchildren were there. (They didn’tsee anything) My son moved back home in Nov 2025 and the children who are mine and Andrews world have been staying 5 nights one week 2 another, this lead to some frustration as Andrew was at home due to health and felt he was living in our bedroom. I did feel his frustration but said he is my son, I will always be there for him. We live in a 2 bed terraced house, so not much room, but don’t think I understood like I should have, I got to go to work, he didn’t and our house has been taken over. Anyway on the 27th, he looked under the influence, so I asked he leave as I said I wouldn’t have it in the house that was my boundary always. He has lasted before, but never under the influence in the house. So I took him to his uncles and said I would drop things off for him in a few days, but previously he had gone and come back within 3 days, which I expected this time. I got a call on the 30th Jan to say he was found in a crackden. The person in the flat chose to ring her boyfriend in prison to say Andrews breathing was bad and he had blood coming out of his mouth and nose and she didn’t know what to do ( She didn’t ring for an ambulance at all) she said she thought he was asleep so went to the shop formilk and when she came back she shouted did he want a brew and he didn’t answer, that’s when she called an ambulance. They said his time of death was 00.57 30.01.2026. We are waiting for toxicology to come back to see if an inquest is to be held. I am totally broken and feel so responsible. How do I come to terms with it ever. Thank you for reading.
Dear MrsBates , I’m so sorry to hear your story. It brought me to tears just reading it. I can imagine how you feel, beating your self up. If I had done this or that differently but in the end we all as individuals make our own decision. I think you have done an amazing job with your partner. I very much doubt many people could maintain a relationship of love with such difficulties. I hope you have plenty of people supporting you through this terrible time. You are the one who now needs to be looked after. I would strongly recommend getting counselling. My wife died on Christmas day and I’m finding it very difficult so understand some of what you are feeling.
I really wish you all the strength you need
Tom 
Hi,
Thank you for replying! May I first say how very sorry I am for your loss. In truth I know it was his choice that lead him to pass, but the pain is just so intense. He really is so much more than how his life ended and had worked so hard to become more than how it happened. He will forever me my heart and soul. I miss him so much that it hurts. He will forever be the best thing to happen to me. X 
Hi MrsBates, the pain is unbearable nobody can understand until they have been through this. It’s as if I have been ripped in two with the best part taken away and as the pain recedes it’s replaced with a loneliness that can’t be quenched by people. I don’t think anyone realises just how devastating it is.
I hope you are recieving plenty of support. The measure of a person at the end is how they have touched the lives of those left behind and as you have said he was the best thing that has ever happened to you. What more can we ask than that.
Wishing you all the best
Tom
Hi,
Yes I have support, but what you say is so true. I feel like the air gets sucked out of my lungs everyday without him here. Life is so hard now. It’s the little things like making a cuppa for just me now and not buying his favourite treats and food. The pain we feel could never be conveyed and I pray nobody has to feel it, again sadly we know some will go through it. I write to him every night in a journal and carry some of his ashes with me everyday.. I hope life is kinder to you moving forward and you also have a good support network. X
Hi MrsBates, sadly I live alone. Never needed anyone else in my life. My wife filled up our home with love. This site has helped a lot and had you posted on loosing a partner I’m sure you would have had a lot more responses.
I hope you find your way. Wishing you all the best
Tom