Lost

Hi I’m Hannah , and new here I’m 82!and lost my husband last year and am finding it so so hard, I miss him so much

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Hello Hannah
I am so sorry for your loss. I am nearly your age and I lost my husband a couple of months ago so I do know how you feel. We had been married for 54 years and I feel as though my arm has been cut off. I have no magic formula (I wish I had) but all I can say is to take one day at a time. That’s all we can do. I imagine that you had been married for a long time too so we can’t expect to feel better quickly after all those years together.
Feeling lost is normal, but I tell myself that there are so many people who are on here who are much younger and have lost their partners after far less time. I should be grateful for all those wonderful years which many people would give anything to have had.
I hope you learn to live with this sadness as it wll never go away, but the happy memories will help.

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Hi Hannah, I’m so sorry for the loss of your lovely husband. My wife passed 15 weeks ago so I am going through the early stages of grief which, unfortunately, you will know all about. I am about six years younger than you and I understand your pain. It doesn’t matter if you’re younger or older, the pain of grief is just the same. Missing your loved one is just so hard to bear. I hope you have some support, although some people will think you shouldn’t need it after a certain time has passed…how wrong they are!
I hope you can get some comfort from this site, keep posting.
Best wishes and take care. x AL

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Hi Ann, thank you for your message. I am sorry for your loss too. I don’t feel so alone now I’ve found this group. Much love x

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Hello Al, thank you for your reply and I’m sorry for the loss of your wife… it is so hard. Much love xx

Hi. Hannah. Yes, feeling lost is normal, but oh what pain it brings. Loneliness is one of the worse aspects of grief. The door doesn’t open when we come home. When we awake in the mornings the house is so empty. If you do live alone it becomes a real burden. After over twenty months it still hits me hard on occasions. I am better than I was. My wife would not have wanted me miserable, and that fact alone helps me carry on. Time limits just don’t exist in bereavement. A post on here recently was from someone who was still in grief after twenty years. I can understand that only too well. So many of us have to face stupid remarks from such people who know no better. ‘You should be over it by now’ is a classic example. It’s not an illness like the flu to just ‘get over’. It hits the very heart of us. While I don’t accept self pity and try not to indulge in it, I can well understand those who do. It’s all heartbreaking for sure.
Blessings. John.

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Hi John so lovely to hear from you thank you I’m feeling a little better to day sometime it’s so bad and other days not so bad take care John bye now

Sorry for your loss some days are better and some not so good but have to be so thankful for the lovely years we had together wish you lots of love Hannah x

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We have been been together a lot of years finding being alone very hard Miss him holding my hand but slowly getting a little better love Hannah

Dear Hannah, when you spend so many years together it’s difficult being on your own. It’s not natural that your other half is not there. My wife and I were married for 56 years and had been together for 59 years. I find it very hard now that I am alone and I sometimes think that eventually this will all get sorted and we’ll get back to normal but I know that’s never going to happen. There’s nothing for it but to keep moving ahead a day at a time. It’s difficult because I miss her so so much.
So Hannah, I know how you feel and I hope you continue to get a little better. With much love, AL x

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Hi Al. Thank you for kind words some times still feeling so sad without my lovely husband Peter I’m going out more now but I miss him so much hope you are well love Hannah x

Hi Hannah, it’s good that you are going out more. You are always going to miss your Peter. Love doesn’t disappear and you will always carry that love in your heart. :heart:
Grief comes in waves… some days are not so bad and some days are really bad. In fact, I find that within one day the waves can come and go. I’m sure you have been experiencing this over the past year and a half.
I have a good friend who lost her husband 10 years ago and although she leads a “normal” life she still grieves quite deeply. I therefore assume to be in a state of grief for the rest of my life so I just need to learn to live with my grief if I am to make any progress in the quality of my life. But that’s easier said than done.
I hope you can learn to live with your grief over time. Much love, AL x

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