I’m not sure if or what I’m doing I only know I need help and although l could write a novel about my situation I don’t want to until I know I’m in the right place.
Hi Roberto, I’m pretty sure you are in the right place. Please tell us your story, nobody will judge you on here! We all talk about our feelings , sharing our feelings really does help.
At this time you feel like you’re the only one going through this agony. Let me assure you you’re not. Most of us on here are either going through exactly the same or have done so we all know that feeling. Please post whatever you like - you may not even have anything to say because sometimes grief stops you. Rest assured we are here for you as and when you’re ready.
You are definitely in the right place. Welcome to the forum and please feel free to share your experience here.
You are amongst friends and supporters who are all going through grief and learning how to deal with the new and difficult situations that it brings.
Feel free to chat - we are here for you
Here goes I lost my wife jan 2021 we both tested positive for covid but I had no symptoms although I was the one with with history of phenomena the paramedics came and took her away 6.00am in t he morning we never saw her again except for one FaceTime contact and a visit to covid ward on the day before she passed. I know everybody says you at least got to be with her before she passed. But that experience will haunt me for the rest of my life . She wasn’t on a respiratory but a c pat mask because she was to I’ll to be placed in a coma . We were told that the end would be painless for her and less traumatic for us. How wrong were they. We although weren’t allowed to bury her in her own cloths only the hospital gown she passed away in managed by the grace of the chosen undertakers to not only to dress her in a beautiful gown that she wore on our one and only cruise but to allow my daughter and granddaughter to use her own makeup and hair products . Added to the fact that we were given permission to have my wife brought to the house for 3 hours before they came to take her to be buried. This story doesn’t end here it only begins.
She was a beautiful women who never looked her age or indeed acted her age . Because of the way I felt years ago I didn’t want to be buried only cremated but my wife wanted to be buried next to her mother and father so she along with her sister who felt the same way reserved the burial plot next. To them
No one new that she would join her sister. 3 months later.
But here I stood at her funeral with an open grave inches away from my wife and it opened up everything that I had previously gone through.
I have always been able to look after myself washing cooking. Not a gardener. I have the support of a loving family but after 17 months and a session of grief counciling I’m am still not in a position where I can remotely consider my self in a position where I’m comeing to terms with it all .
Yes I no longer consider suiside but I still think that I would prefere not to be here. I
I can and am surrounded by loving family and friends but I am so terribly lonely.
So sorry to read your story. It’s difficult to lose our wives at any time, but you certainly have a lot of factors making it worse.
My wife died 3 months ago, and I think I’ve done tremendously well, and come to terms with it, I’m happy and content more than 95% of the time. I hope you can do the same in time. It’s certainly possible if you keep positive and have a plan for the rest of your life, and how you would like it to be; your wife would want that for you, being happy.
I do find myself feel lonely from time to time, but more and more I’m looking it as “aloneness” instead of loneliness. Aloneness can often be a happy state of affairs, loneliness can’t.
Keep battling on!!
That’s a really lovely positive message, tykey, and I hope others will appreciate your positivity at a difficult time.
Thank you for posting.
Thankyou Jolene. I’ve remembered a little story, which was a huge help in turning the corner away from loneliness. I quickly decided I had to have a strategy, like no shrine, no forgetting her, talk to anybody, be open about my feelings etc etc. One particular point was that I was going to be more gregarious, and that every time I went shopping, if the weather was ok,I’d sit outside a cafe, have a cup of coffee and a slice of cake, and chat to strangers. It’s amazing how many people want to chat!!
But after about 6 weeks I started to think about how I would like the rest of my life to be. I’d been married for 50 years and so being on my own was how it had to be. I’m an independant soul!
At that time, I took my caravan up into the Peak District to think about it. To be honest it wasnt working, but I finished up having a cup of coffee on a pavement in Bakewell, it was stinking hot and there was only one table in the shade, so I joined a lovely lady who was sitting there on her own, and starting chatting. She lost her husband 20 years ago, and lived on her own ever since. “What’s it like?” I said. “I’m very happy” she replied. Then asked what I wanted from the rest of my life. She made me make a list, which included meeting people, keeping dogs, helping people, voluntary work, visit the outer Hebrides, going on a cruise, playing my ukulele and guitar better etc etc. “Then go and do it” she said.
So I am!
Plus I made a lovely new friend by forcing myself to meet people. We have to make it happen, I reckon.
Lovely to read this. I’m still not familiar with the workings of this forum so forgive me if I don’t seam to reply to your messages. I love everyone’s positive attitude but maybe I’m selfish but I think my biggest problem is I can’t find that positive attitude .it’s almost as if I don’t want to
I can here what you saying @Roberto, alot of us on here struggle to stay positive all the time.
Yesterday I had a good day, spent it with my family and I was okay all day long, today is a different ball game, I’m really struggling to be positive. My mind just keeps wondering back to what I had and lost and there has been tears.
It’s because I’m at home on my own today, and because it’s so hot I haven’t kept myself occupied.
It sometimes makes me feeling guilty to smile or even laugh, it seems disloyal to Doug somehow. So what you are feeling is normal reaction.
I do love reading @tykey posts I admire his positive outlook on life, but at times I fail miserably to follow his example.
I lost my husband 16 months ago.
Thanks Debbie you seam to be living in the same place as me and its strangely helpful in a weird way to know.
Thank you for your kind words and let’s hope our journeys lead us down happier paths.
Hi Debbie. Whilst I do have a very positive attitude, I still have my weak moments and have a good cry, normally when I’m tired or when it’s too hot. But that’s normal, even before we were bereaved. We are human beings, after all, with all it’s shortcomings.
I read a book once ( I’ve read more than one book though!! ) which told me that just because life keeps hitting me over the head with a stick, I dont have to pick up the stick and keep beating myself over the head with it as well. I just try to let it go, and throw the stick away, but it takes practice.
I like reading too, just you keep being positive it gives hope for the rest of us.