It’s been 12 weeks today since my husband died. I thought I was over the worst, but I seem to be having a setback. I’m with my daughter in Devon at the moment. To begin with, the change of scene and the company was a balm for my soul. But now I just want to go home. (Back next week-end) I know I’ll have to deal with the loneliness and that scares me. We spent a lifetime together and I relied heavily on him for just about everything. He was the only one who knew how to deal with my nervous disposition, and get me through the meltdowns and bouts of depression. My son is my ‘go-to’ man now, but he has work and his own family so I don’t want to put on him any more than is absolutely necessary. I know I have to do this alone. But how???Apologies for sounding like a complete wimp. This journey is sooo hard, but I know all you lovely people here are feeling the same and will understand. Thank you for taking the time to read this rant. Blessings to you all.
You don’t sound like a complete wimp at all. What you are going through is what I went through. You have lost your security blanket, your go to person, the one who put up with all of you and not just the best bits.
It’s so hard to realise that everything your partner naturally did for you to make you feel safe, had gone. I remember 5 months in I went out with the girls and my daughter was late picking me up. My other half would never have been late for me, he was always there for me, always.
12 weeks is very early days and unfortunately the grief keeps going but changes. Like the stages of children, you think the next stage gets better but it just creates different problems, different worries.
I’m 7 months in and feel relatively normal on some days, able to have a life but the grief is never far away. I still cry every day, the pain dulls and sometimes disappears but there are always triggers around the corner that might bring you down a peg or two but it’s definitely easier.
You are brave to go away, the weather is going to be beautiful next week so try and enjoy it, as difficult as that might be. Also cry if you need to, better to let it out.
Thank you Ali29. I’m hoping that time will steer me into a new routine of living alone. I do cry a lot. Some days though, I feel a bit stronger and think “Yes, I can do this” , then another day I just sob into my husbands dressing gown telling him “I can’t do this”.
Been there and still have days like that but there is space to recover in between x
aw … i know… i wear my husbands dressing gown everyday xxx
I thought I was doing quite well but today has been awful. I just keep crying. It’s been seven weeks now. A month today since the funeral. Silly little things have set me off today. I have been shredding papers and credit card bills from last summer remind me of what we were doing and how we had no idea of the diagnosis ahead and the sheer agony of watching my darling boy die. I just keep breaking down. Everything ahead looks so bleak.
I know the feeling … awful isnt it ? Horrible to think we had no whst was in front of us ? Go have a little drink of something? It is saturday after all … Xx
I am drinking. Not the answer but it is dulling the pain.
As I have said before problem with alcohol is it is a depressant so whilst it may bring oblivion it can make you feel worse. Saying that I too had a drink this evening after an up and down day.
Nothing wrong with a little drink 
True. It just always makes me more depressed. You are either a happy drunk or a miserable drunk and I am unfortunately the latter.
I only have one or two at night sometimes … nothing wrong with that …
I absolutely get this! It’s 16 months without my husband. I too suffer from anxiety and depression, and he was the one who always said I’d be ok.
Now he’s gone, I’ve lost my anchor, & feel like I’m drowning.
Yes thats what my bereavment counsellor said to me ! He was my anchor ! You know before all this happened he made me so strong … now i just feel like i have given up the fight 
It is the little things that can hit you out of the blue. It’s been 13 weeks now for me and I still can’t believe he’s gone. I’ve taken the advice from my fellow sufferers here and am just taking it one day at a time. I can’t even think about going through his clothes yet.
Feel absolutely the same.
I lost my husband too in July aged 59 and I’m broken lost, my children have helped with all the usual things sorting money bills but I’m so so lonely. In bed now crying uncontrollably miss him so much so I do understand what your going through cos the pain is unbearable God bless you
It’s just awful isn’t it. I feel sick to my stomach all the time.
I’m a nervous wreck, just want to hibernate
I went out for the fourth time since 27th June. It was very strange and difficult going through the door. I almost felt agoraphobic. Trying to make sure I do some exercises every day so I can still get in and out of a standard car. Can’t do SUV,s. Too high. I only went out for a ride and an ice cream at a local beauty spot but was exhausted when I got back to a lonely empty house.
@SadMay
I am so sorry you feel like this, but I feel the same having lost my wonderful husband eight months ago. I have no confidence, still crying a lot and just miss him more than words can say. It’s a living nightmare.
I know it is crazy, but I seem to feel worse when the sun shines. I keep thinking that we would probably be away on holiday or enjoying a day out.