Love if my life

The man I’ve loved all my life has just passed away from cancer…that in itself is agony but made worse by guilt. I’m married to a good person… have been for 36 yrs…but this other man was my first love and we met up again 10 years ago.It was as though time stood still. I loved him so much.He begged me to leave my husband but I couldn’t do it…how could I hurt him …he was ill with cancer and I had to support him .? …so torn…I’ve lived a double life…and now my lover has gone.Devastated doesn’t even begin to describe my feelings because I can’t openly grieve…to the world he was just a good friend…my husband knows I’m upset but its so hard to hide it…Im sure some reading this will think I’ve got what I deserve .maybe that’s true.but right now I can’t see a future anymore… I’m 60 …I’m with a man I care for and love like a friend but my heart is shattered forever.

I dont think you deserve this at all take things day by day,your nightmare doesnt eat or sleep .This site is wonderful my advice is keep coming back to offload .All the best Colin

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Thankyou. I’m in tears just reading your reply…I honestly can’t imagine a time when I will feel “normal” again.The pain is terrible…x

Hi the truth is normal again you will never feel because the love of your life is no longer here.Maybe a visit your gp for medication (im on medication )just a suggestion .Your pain will have different phases .The phrase how long is a piece of string applies.Also i phone the Samaritians they help me .Colin x

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Hi it doesn’t matter who or what he was , you loved him you are grieving and I’m sorry for your loss. We can’t help who we fall in love with. I don’t know what to suggest, all you can do is take it one day at a time. Keep reading and posting, no one will judge you, we have all lost someone. Take care and big hugs to you. Kay.

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Oh, Sue, I’m so sorry. You do not deserve this, and love and grief do not discriminate over circumstances - they simply are. Please, when you feel able, look up articles on “Disenfranchised grief” - grief that others may judge or think you don’t have a right to feel, but you do. I don’t think you’ll find any judgment here.

Big hugs if okay,

Louise xo

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