Hi. All. The disagreements on here lately have prompted me me to make some simple observations. This Sue Ryder site did not spring up from nowhere. It was inspired by a lovely lady who had compassion and love in her heart. It is here to give comfort and to help relieve the awful pain of grief. I will not go into the whys and wherefores of who is right or wrong, that, once again can lead to dissension. All I suggest is that we dig deep into our hearts and look for that love and understanding that we all have for one another. It is so easy to be negative and argumentative. Why is it so difficult to be kind and compassionate? We must never stop loving each other. This unconditional love is universal in spite of what we see happening around us. St . Paul talked of ‘faith, hope and love’. These three things are what gives us hope and a chance to recover somewhat from this nightmare. Faith in the possibility of better times. Hope that one day all will be well, and love that embraces all beings, no matter what race or persuasion. We see in this world all the horrors of hate and intolerance, but we don’t have to allow it to rub off on us. We are all here in a bit of a pickle, to say the least!! But no matter what, love can always win if we allow it to. Let’s all be kind and considerate to each other. Lets turn over a new leaf on the site. Put behind us all the dissension and embrace each other with love in our hearts. It costs nothing in wordly terms, but can raise spirits which so many of us need.
Love and Blessings to all. John.


Well said.
I read the messages on this site to try to make sense of bereavement and to see how other people cope with it and in the main, it has been very helpful.
Today is a particularly bad day for me, Sunday’s always are, and I hoped that hearing other people’s advice and support would help. What did I find? Harsh and accusatory comments. How sad is that when we are supposed to be supporting one another?
Thankfully, a lovely person on here and I got on well on the site and now we correspond privately. The difference that makes is amazing. If everyone could talk to one another the way she talks to me, and I to her, they may all get the comfort and support we share.
This is a lovely site but, as elsewhere in life, (think school, work etc.) there are always one or two who come in and ripple the waters. It is so sad. You know who you are. I am not talking about disagreeing with what someone said. We can’t agree with everything and have the right to.say so. No, I am talking about when it gets personal and hurtful. That is not what this site is for.
To all the rest of us who come on here to pour our hearts out and, hopefully try to give comfort to others, thank heavens for you all. And thank you, Sue Ryder for doing the best you can when it must be a bit like herding kittens!


Hi Jonathan,
Well said how,on earth can we get this forum back to love each other.
None of us need this, if indivduels find it so bad and need to argue then leave this is not the place, none of us fnd ourselves here out of choice we are here because this has been handed to us in a unfortunate circumstance.
Take Care

I am with you there Samella!

Thankyou Ann !hope it will be sorted, I am getting to the point of leavng don’t need all the upset,I know I have a choice not read them but some just pop up under a heading and find I am reading them.
Take Care

Yes Samella, it is so difficult not to read negative posts. I look up ‘new posts’ first to see if anyone has been missed. But ‘water off a ducks back’ comes to mind. Perhaps we need a ‘negative’ thread where those who want to argue can get it off their chest. We could then avoid it. Please don’t leave. It means the negativity has got to you. The kind and loving folk on here far outnumber the others.
Kind regards. John.

Hi Ann. What a wise old lady! But biting one’s tongue is not easy for some. What does it mean to be offended? We all have images of ourselves and others. Those images may not be true, but we expect people to live up to them and we get annoyed when they don’t. If someone supposedly attacks us the old ego comes up with the image of ourselves being got at. ‘How dare they say things like that, I will show them’, then off we go on a pilgrimage about ‘self’ with a small ‘s’. The Self with a big ‘S’ is beyond any sort of hurt. It is love in it’s purest form. Pure forgiveness which so many find difficult. We are hurt because we are attacked. But if someone tells us of a fault we may have, look at it, it may be true. If so thank them for pointing it out. If not then thank them for taking the trouble. But we have to be honest with ourselves. We need to be true to ourselves.
“Love thy neighbour as thyself”
The ‘as thyself’ is as important as my neighbour. If we have no love for ourselves how can we love another. We are human. (now there’s a surprise!!!) and will inevitably make mistakes, but we should learn to forgive ourselves too. Love and forgiveness go together. If you forgive someone you give them love. ‘To err is human, to forgive divine’.
Take care. John.

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I have already closed another thread on this topic today and it’s not particularly helpful for you all to just carry on the exact same conversation in another thread. I am going to look at all the issues and come back to you all in more detail tomorrow. This thread may be reopened then if appropriate.

In the meantime, please remember that this is a bereavement support forum and constant arguments and airing of grievances are very damaging to the community as a whole. Please stick to posts that are focused on grief support.

Anyone further ignoring this request may be subject to moderation. We are happy to respond to feedback, but our priority will always be enabling grieving people to get support.