@Deb5 hope you can enjoy Tenerife . Please let us know how it goes.
We were supposed to by flying out there today, for an extended stay which covered Christmas. So I’m sad.
I think we all have wobbles. I had to walk into a pub on my own on Sunday and couldn’t find my friends. I felt as if everyone was looking at me. I’m sure they weren’t, but it’s a lack of confidence definitely.
Aw … were you ? So sorry that must have raked it up for you 
yeh i cant do much now without feeling so self conscious all the time … blooming awful isnt it ? I feel like ive reverted back to being an awkward teenager … definitely knocks your confidence xxx
My name is John I hope you enjoy your holiday it’s coming to a year on 26 November since I lost my wife Patricia we were supposed to celebrate our Diamond wedding 5th may 2022 but she was taken seriously I’ll so we couldn’t have holiday we’d planned for 3 years we both loved Going abroad we were hoping to go on a cruise but we didn’t get to go I miss her 24 7 every day I’m not ashamed to say I cry every day for her it herts so much
@dens. It just because we are used to our partners supporting us and getting excited as well . Life is so different now isn’t it . I saw a reply to a post on Facebook from a woman. 18 years into this journey . She said she was fine most of the time but still had moments when songs etc triggered her. Xxxxx
Yeh thats it im used to him getting excited as well and just being their ! It seems to highlight it more somehow that he isnt here : im sure all your life there will be reminders but i do want to be happier eventually … find some happiness - he would want that and so do i … just hope i can find it in whatever shape that is ? xxx
Aw thank you john and sorry for your loss. Its very painful i know - keep chatting to people on here - it helps when we are down and people understand xxx
@Deb5
I hope you have a good holiday, I am sure you will enjoy the time away with your daughter and grand daughter.
I have just come back from four days away with one of my sisters. It is the first time I have been away since I lost my husband. We did have a lovely time and it has given me the confidence to think about going away again.
I missed my husband loads but like you said, I could hear his voice telling me to enjoy myself and do all of the things that we would have done together.
It was hard coming back to an empty house and being alone after being with people all of the time. I know in my heart that I have made him proud by going away and I know he was with me although I couldn’t see him.
Take care xxx
Reading what John said that his wife died on 26 November is like my losing my husband week earlier and just before our golden wedding anniversary on 23rd December. I too had wanted to go on a cruise the same but he said to me that he would not be here then because he was struggling. He kinda knew though he was hoping always hoping.
Now the first year of his death has gone at the weekend I am remembering all the aftermath now of struggling over the past year. So unreal. Being up so long trying to get his funeral altogether; sort out what he would wear; going on my own to say goodbye; reading at the funeral a poem I wrote; buying new clothes for my son and sewing them to fit; trying on clothes to wear; cutting my own hair; organising the service and the music; registering; bank and telling everyone; endless Tel calls so couldn’t even get my food; no one thought about that; no one seemed to think that everyone else just tried to talk all at once expecting to know when before I had a chance to sort it out; all the hassles; then Xmas on top of it all. I felt my head was splitting; now I feel weary and after all the activity it feels what now? I have plans then like today the drizzle put me off; I was going to go out but I haven’t and I think I can’t be bothered. I might just quickly put couple plants in before it is dark to say I did something; well I made a healthy dinner and soup so I thought. Had a small lunch, plated up some frozen meals; I suppose it is something; but tomorrow I really must do it. The cat is running short of food but really she will eat mine otherwise. I think I must do it before it is freezing cold.
@Deb5 i know they would want us to be happy . I can have short moments when I am busy or talking with others that I can laugh and be happy . As soon as I am alone with my thoughts the pain returns . I take comfort that I feel easier than the first couple of months . Xxx
@Deb5 - l smiled when l read what you said about your husband always getting excited about going away. My beloved was just the same, he would be on countdown from about a month out. This last week was so strange, it just being me getting ready and going to the airport. Brought it home once more that l am on my own and this is how it’s going to be from now on.
Hope you have a good trip, enjoy that sun on your back xx
I’ve just reserved my seats on the plane for my holiday to Peru! It’s not till January but it’s getting scarily closer! 
That is good news you have booked up. I know it was hard for me just in this country. When I was younger I wanted to go somewhere like Peru. My friend went when she was younger. It gets so much harder if you leave it. I feel too late for me to physically manage it now. So if you are able go for it really and then you won’t wish you had when you look back. It is always what didnt do at the time that you regret. Wish I had had a ride on the toboggan in Madeira.
Had regretted not going on a gondola in Venice the first time so made sure I did the second time and glad I did. Never been ski ing too scared. But glad went in a balloon. Never went water ski ing again too frightened and was too expensive. All sorts of things. But so so glad what I have done.
I
We did the toboggan in Madeira and it was quite an experience! Also done the gondola in Venice complete with singing Gondolier! Don’t trust myself on a pair of skis and it’s never really been a desire of mine! Can’t bring myself to do anything we both wanted to do so I’m making my own memories while I can!
J x
@Jax2 enjoy are you travelling solo. I am looking at new years eve 2025 going away, I am going to london in April to watch my daughter run the Marathon and my eldest granddaughters are joining me for 3 nights then I have a coach trip in May booked already. I am like you need to go to places we havent visited abroad, Ihave a list of places to visit just need the confidence to do alone.
I know it doesnt sound much but this afternoon I went to the last place we went together before he died. I had been putting it off but because it is now a year since he died I decided I must go before the weather turns too bad. It was okay and did remember but because I left it a year the rawness has left. I got some nice photos of the autumn leaves. Thought well I am walking for both of us now. Because he had his leg amputated before he died and he wouldnt have been able to go there across the bumpy walk if he had a wheelchair and even if he ever got a false leg. I didnt stay long because had to negotiate the ride there and getting stuck against all the school kids. It gets dark so early now. So it is bit by bit. It is quite tricky going down narrow lanes but I feel at least I have achieved something. My son came and we put all the leaves and the old dead flowers in the brown bin together and I thought if my husband was looking down he would have been pleased we did it together. He always kept the garden tidy even when he was very ill. It was something he liked to do. I dont know if this is moving on but it is all part of doing what you can rather than just leaving it.
Wondering whether to go to see the xmas lights next. The shopping didnt get done but I thought so what. There are some people struggling and I can eat what I have got. After all the bad weather we have had must get outside while you have the chance.