Hoarding is a danger and disease. You must have order and cleaniness to function. You are doing the right thing. Then you can grieve in comfort.
Hoarding is a problem for psychiatric help. It is based in fear.
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We donāt want to be judged. It is not for other people to tell us. I watched clear your life out with Stacey Solomon.
Yes it would be good for a service to do it but not in front of the nation.
I remember how difficult it was when my parents died and also my husband mother each died a year after the other and we had two homes to clear out quickly as both rented. It was very difficult. I was working, had children as and still caring for my mother when I had to clear out my husbandās motherās flat. I look back and wonder how we did it but there was two of us and it makes a difference thirty years ago when you have your strength.
But I recall keeping my fatherās stuff and it caused arguments.
A lot of it was his containers with garden plants in that area are still there in their last legs now.
My husband sneaked out my my fatherās clothes and took them to the charity shop. I gave some of my motherās clothes to get aunt. Took a suitcase on the coach. I gave his motherās clothes to a charity shop in the next town. But I still have my motherās coat I wear once a year. I wore some of her stuff. I must get rid of some of my husbandās things but it is a big task. I use his tools when his son comes and needs something to help.
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Somthing went wrong with my previous post and I could not correct the mistakes and it typed the last paragraph of some random notes I could not erase
I donāt think this is hoarding. Itās grieving and not wanting to dispose of items too early in the process while your mind is not functioning.
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Thatās exactly how i felt after i lost my wife , having to bag up all her clothes and donating them to the hospice charity, it felt like to me that I was erasing her , but the guy who collected her clothes said to me , no you are not erasing her from your life but by donating her clothes you are sharing her memory with other people which made it feel a little easier for me, the hardest thing for me was cancelling her phone her bank account and everything else like that, itās been 10 months since i lost my wife and i canāt get used to not having her around, living life alone without her is unbearable
Numb and Thumb, exactly, Some things can go right away as they are easy to let go. Then there are other things that are difficult to let go for many reasons. And it is exhausting mentally and physically to purge things from our life.
For me, it was best to start with my own closet. Hundreds of items of clothing that are of no use to me - gone. Then, truly, cabinet by cabinet and drawer by drawer, closet by closet. Itās 23 weeks for me and the purge continues. It is overwhelmingly difficult. My husbandās closet is off limits. I just keep the door closed. When I am finished with the whole house purge, then I will sort the closet.
None of it has to be done in one manic swoop. A little at a time, when you are ready, might also be the way to go. Itās not a walk, not a run.
Your wivesā clothes are being worn by other ladies and they are happy to have them and BTW, ladies love to share clothing they no longer need, so your girls are very pleased indeed. Donāt let this get to you, guys.
You were courageous and got through a very, very, tough time. Bravo! Good on you!
Everyone is OK. Whatever you feel is OK.
@
To All.
Yes I felt really bad giving my partners clothes and things to charity. But afterwards I thought other people that need these things will get benefit from them. Itāll help them and thatās what he would have wanted. There still is some other things but Iāve made a large memory box. Itāll stay at the bottom of my wardrobe and when Iām stronger Iāll sit and go through it. Could be weeks could be years. The thing is we can only do anything when only we are ready. Good luck everyone. Xx
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My partner Ann was a non stop buyer of clothes and when she passed away I had to sort out her belongings there was enough clothes to fill a shop and loads of them still had labels attached Iāve never felt so guilty clearing her belongings out but it had to be done and because she was a cat lover Iāve donated nearly everything to the cats protection I know what you mean about feeling guilty and it does make it seem as if you are trying to wipe away their memory but itās normal to over think about it
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@Boo2
Yes I still question wether I should have given some of the things away. But I know theyād have just been left there and he wouldnāt have wanted that. Possessions can become overwhelming itās what you carry in your head and heart that matters most. The memories. X
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I got up at 5.30 am to sort through some of my stuff. Just to get a few drawers with things that fit. I have put on weight. I donāt want to be judged but I seem to yoyo. So have different sizes. I canāt keep buying more stuff. I prefer to be warm and spend money on that. I hate shopping now. Prefer what I know. At my age fashion is no longer what I am interested in. I enjoy trying things on at home. Rediscovering what is there and mixing different things.
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My wife died in November - suddenly and unexpectedly - and also loved her clothes Boo2. Sheād just about finished updating everything, so now I have all the older things and the new things.
I gave away the very first of her clothes yesterday (except coats and a couple of things given to family which were their Christmas presents from my wife). Just quite old dressing gowns that she kept in our French home, as they were for winter warmth, not fashion or just to look good - whilst her gowns in the UK were more modern and like Kaftans and pretty housecoats. Putting them in the charity collection at my local recycling centre was much harder than I expected. As they were older I thought it would be easy! Silly me!
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@Nigel-Marnee
It will be hard. Itās the memories that those items carry with them. But they will always be in your heart and head. Also perhaps the person that receives them may not only need them but may be going through a similar situation. We never know.
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