Married and widowed within 7 weeks

My husband passed away in November following an August cancer diagnosis. We had been together 8 years but he never wanted to marry because he had been through a terrible divorce the first time. However, the morning after his diagnosis he proposed and we were married 3 weeks later in September.
It’s all been a whirlwind, my head doesn’t compute what has happened, I feel I’ve lost large periods of time. He deteriorated so quickly and now I’m left with this enormous void. It even seems strange to say husband as I only was able to say this to him for 7 short weeks, Now it feels his title has become my late husband.
I had so much support from family and friends immediately after his death but now I feel that people think I’m ok, as when they ask I say I’m fine, but I’m not. I don’t want them to feel uncomfortable if I say I’m not ok. How long does it take? I cry every day, how do you improve? When does it get easier?

Dear Donnamol, I am so sorry for your loss, how awful for you, yes it must seem like a nightmare for you, I’m 7 months down the line having lost my husband of 38 years marriage, to pancreatic and liver stage 4 cancer. I was lucky to have had him by my side for 3 years after diagnosis, incredible really. But the chemo weakened his body and in June last year, in 2 weeks he went downhill, thankfuly he didn’t suffer too much pain. But at the moment everything is very raw for you and there is not much I can say but unfortunately you can’t go around the grief but you have go through it, cry, scream, also take little steps and minute by minute, eventually it will become hour by hour and so on. Do exactly what you feel you want to do, stay in bed if you feel like it. Look after yourself, eat and rest. Keep posting on here, there are some lovely people that will be able to comfort you. All the best and hugs Margarita x

Hello
So sorry for your loss
So unfair lost my husband December the 5th
So hard to do anything at all
Take care and keep in touch
Xx

That’s exactly how I’m feeling. Texts and messages stop people get on with their everyday life and I’m stuck not knowing how to get through and yes I do the I’m fine for the same reasons. My partner died 30/10/20 from COVID . We were together 37 years he was 50 me 51 . Just so hard. Take care :heart:

So sorry for the loss of you’re husband.
I lost my sister in April 2020 I too say I’m fine I’m OK. I think a lot if us do. I made a little pact with my neice that if we weren’t fine we’d at least tell each other we were haveing a bad day.

Margarita, thank you for replying. I too am sorry for your loss, my husband had the same cancer. I apologise if this sounds the wrong thing to say, but I feel comfort speaking to a stranger who is experiencing the same feelings, it makes it feel real. It makes me understand that the whole world isn’t just carrying on and I’m stuck, there are people out there having the same journey as me. I hope in time it becomes more bearable for us both and appreciate your time to respond x

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Debbie, I am so sorry that your loss was so close to Christmas. I would love to say it gets easier, at this time I can’t offer those words. I hope that being able to speak to others going through the same journey will give comfort or that helpful shoulder. I would gladly help where I can x

Hello Julie, I’m sorry for the loss of your husband, so young and it must have been so sudden. I’m sure, like me, you aren’t currently able to feel it getting easier, people say in time it does, I’m unsure how at the minute. More than happy to offer any help if I can . My husband was just 55 and before diagnosis was fit and well, it was a great shock x

Hi Paula, I’m sorry for the sad loss of your sister. It’s strange that we feel we should say we are ok when we aren’t but it’s so we don’t feel a burden on people. I hope that you take great comfort from your Niece who will too be having the same grief journey. I hope that in time you are able to find peace x

Donnamol…I am so sorry for your loss…I no what your saying about saying the words my husband…I can relate to you as my husband got diagnosed in august 2019 wed lived together 6years but I’d known him 30…we were so happy and were originally looking at getting married in spain in 2020…he got so I’ll very quickly…I moved into the hospice with him…we got married in the hospice in the november…he was so happy…we had a loveley day with his son and daughter…he passed away dec 23 I was married a month…but I’m so glad I did…I wear his ring with pride…as you no it’s so hard…people dont understand .they think you are fine. A year on I cant say any pain has gone …it hasn’t…I come on here to realise I’m normal…stay safe in this awful lockdown…keep posting …ann :broken_heart::broken_heart:

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