Maternal instinct

Hi all,

Lost my mum last year, it was a long time coming so have grieved appropriately but have since found myself null void of any maternal instinct to have children. Is this normal?

Hi DancingBadger,

I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve lost your mum. Grief can have all kinds of different effects on people - some people find that they lose energy and enthusiasm for things they had previously cared about, but that this returns in time. Others find that they completely re-think their priorities and what they want out of life.

Was having children a very important goal to you before losing your mum? Was it something that you had planned to do in the near future? Many people say not to make any big decisions in the first year after a bereavement, so it may take time for you to figure out whether this is a permanent change in your feelings.

If you continue to struggle with this question, perhaps you might find it helpful to have some counselling to help you sort out your feelings and what you truly want in the future?

My sympathies to you over your mum and yes it takes time to come to terms with life now. Don’t get fixated on how you ‘think’ you feel. When my dad went, he loved all animals and that’s how he brought me up, at that time I didn’t want to know any animals, including the birds in our garden. I just kept thinking of him, it took a while but I changed without realising it. One day I just know I come through it and life had moved on. Wait and see, but take care of yourself and just don’t think things over to much. Thinking of you.

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