I can’t stand the injustice if my wife’s misdiagnosis any longer. I’ve made contact with a legal firm and am waiting for call back. I miss her so much that I want answers and if it means doing this way I will. The pain I suffer every day could never be compensated. But I want the GP to know they are rubbish at their job.
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Dear Jay,
I sympathize and empathize with your very sad situation. I did respond to your thread entitled ‘how can something curable be missed by doctors ?’ so won’t repeat my experience surrounding my husbands sudden death.
Unanswered questions only add to the impact of death and you must do what is right for you.
It’s a long and lonely road which some choose to go down, others don’t. I hope you find the support you need. Take care
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I agree one million percent . Im doing likewise . …x
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I’m not after money I just want the truth.
Hospital has responded to my complaint with them with very poor excuses. I’m questioning their answers along with the ones they refused to answer.
I’m not after money but someone will be held responsible for shortening my young husbands life and they may as well of killed me too . No care whatsoever .! I agree we want answers x
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If you could of heard the excuses the doctor came out with and the letter I received from the hospital they may as well be in a circus. Total joke.
It’s so difficult when not everything was done for your loved one. On 9th November 2017 my husband woke up with pins and needles in his left arm. During that day he visited minor injuries, they said a trapped nerve. He then went to GP surgery they gave him a letter to go to A and E , the outside of the letter read Stroke ? . We arrived at A and E at 4 pm, they were expecting Peter. He saw a nurse practitioner who said after consulting specialist it wasn’t a stroke. After a 2 hour wait a doctor sent him to X-ray. At 7 pm we walked back to A and E cubicle , I sat down and as Peter was taking off his shoes to lie on bed he collapsed across me. He had had a massive stroke. It was only then he had a CT scan. 13 weeks in rehab saw no progress as he contracted norovirus, sepsis and then flu. He could only ever use his right arm and thankfully his voice. He was cared for at home until he was in so much pain he went into a nursing home. They could administer more morphine. He was on end of life care for 3 months until he passed away December 2019. The consultant gave me statistics when I questioned what happened the day of the stroke and said it was massive and he was not expected to survive . Peter is now free of pain but I miss him so.
Life is so unfair Linda . It is terrible what has happened to Peter . As you say he is out of pain now but sadly you are left suffering . Its 15 weeks today for my loss . I know I will never get over it . My Gary is with me all the time . I get comfort from knowing that . I’ve said before I’m personally not religious but our soul has to go somewhere . Peter is with you Linda , You just cant see him . Frustrating I know . Xx
Jay and others. I know exactllyy how you feel. Ron was fading away in front of my eyes. He had terrible diarrhoea and all they prescribed was a run of the mill tablet you can buy in the shops. He was losing weight every week. Then when he was in hospital it was dirty and I remember seeing a tablet under his bed that was left there for weeks before it was taken away and the room was cleaned. He had good piling up on the table but they continued to give him the same meals although they knew he was not eating them
He was admitted to a women’s ward. They knew nothing of pancreatic cancer. He ended up with drains that weren’t emptied properly and other conditions such as sepsis set in and I was never told. They could never give proper answers and he was seen by different doctors every day who knew nothing of pancreatic cancer. His own surgeon had gone on holiday and so had his nurse. I wrote everything down but I have not had the strength to complain because I was wiped out when he died. I will never trust that hospital again. I am very good at producing a complaints letter but I think the deadline has passed now. I wish you every success Jay. Keep on to them and don’t let them wear you down. What happened to Alison is inexcusable.
You have 3 year from losing Ron. Please try whatever Angie
Angie I understand what you say of not having the energy to complain or fight. I feel the same. In the last months of Peter’s life my Mum (92) was hospitalised and then had carers at home. My GP said I must try and be detached as I was close to a breakdown, but obviously that was impossible. She is now in the nursing home Peter was in but I can only see her for 20 minutes each week and that must be outdoors.
I try not to dwell on what has passed but in the current climate it is difficult to imagine the future. All that is possible is to try and be calm and take one day at a time.
Hi Linda, Angiejo and Lesleyj,
I feel so sad reading your posts and understand only too well the feeling that our husbands were let down. Accepting they have died is painful enough but to know they weren’t treated as well as they should have been adds to the unbearable grief that lasts and lasts.
The problem is that we need the most strength when we are at our lowest ebb and the system exploits that. It becomes defensive and even the most straightforward of questions are seen as hostile.
My husband died very suddenly eight months ago and only last week have we begun to address issues surrounding his death which have caused huge distress to my sons and me.
On a zoom meeting last week we had an apology from the hospital where he died and an intention to learn from our appalling experience. We have been invited to participate in a training video for new doctors. It’s supposed to be a bit like an impact statement they use in courts so we have agreed. Although I feel some degree of satisfaction in achieving this it has taken its toll physically and mentally.
Last week after the zoom meeting I felt completely drained and remained so for several days. Sadly, whatever improves in the future (hopefully!) Nothing can change the shameful way my husband was treated. They admitted that when it came to administering ‘the last offices’ they had fallen way short of acceptable standards. I was not with him when he collapsed and died and seeing him discarded in a side room, left in a state of disarray and uncared for is seared on my brain. for my sons and I they got it badly wrong and it can never be put right. The lack of care my husband received at the point of death was such a contrast to how he had been cherished all his life. This was one of several issues we had but the one with the most damaging flashbacks.
I firmly believe that how our loved ones are treated has a huge and inevitable impact on our subsequent ‘recovery’ or grieving process.
Leaving issues unresolved only adds to the confusion and disorientation of grief.
It’s not easy but I hope you can pursue what you feel you need to. I was clear from the start that I was not seeking compensation.
It’s so hard feeling that the person we love most in the world is just a statistic.
Wishing you all strength.
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To Jay and others that feel their loved ones were let down by their medical care and taking the matter further. I would say be strong.
Not quite the same but I had an accident some years ago which subsequently changed my life at the time. I sued the local council and every excuse was thrown at me, I was even being accused myself at times. I was told that this is what happens they wear you down until you give up. I didn’t give up and had to go to the crown court to fight the case. Stay calm, speak clearly and be certain of your facts and do not hesitate for a second with your answers. I was in the witness box for over an hour but not once did they break me, although I had to remember things from three years previous and I won my case. I did have some help from an ex solicitor that gave me warning of what I would have to go through which was invaluable, I had secretarial experience and fortunately a memory of an elephant (or so I am told). You might not have to go into a courtroom but be ready for whatever they throw at you. Remember you are new to this but they are dealing with such accusations all the time and have a good legal team so be strong and above all be well prepared.
Good luck
I will fight tooth and nail to get justice for my Gary . All details of ours are with the medical profession through PALS. I’m also with a solicitor who will fight my corner . It’s the least I can do for what’s left of my heinous life without my angel . Xxx
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Hi I got no where with pals I have written to NHS for our trust and I contacted the Ombusman they will liaise with you if NHS England don’t adhere to what I want to know. They did say it’s like a tennis match back and though and takes a long time. Process will be lengthy but I also need answers Mick died bowel cancer I did not receive any results for over 3 months then I had to get his health records after he died. Colonoscopy team kept stating waiting for biopsy results too late bowel ruptured even his xrays were on red alert for ct scans only done days before he died. I won’t have Covid 19 used as excuses for delays. My heart goes out to all with Covid 19 micks tests were done in December I have already been told most things stopped. Like you Lesley I will fight for answers xx
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We must Kim . We are in absolute agony while they are passing the buck . Dont worry about time and /or government guidelines patter . We are the injured parties .We might as well of been murdered . That’s how I feel anyway. It can take forever but I will get justice . I hope you do also pet . Xxxx
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I feel your pain. I really do.
My husband, 43 years old died July 24th, Melonmoma cancer. He had been feeling poorly for a while and the first lump appeared on his neck we headed to gp. I suspected cancer then but gp put him on antibiotics. Roll on 2 weeks later he was in agony with his stomach. This time gp sent him to the hospital. The Doctor there said it could be a touch of pancreatitis, by this time he had several lumps on neck, groin and armpits. They sent him home few hours later and told him to take paracetamol. He lasted another couple of weeks but steadily got worse and I rang an ambulance. They took him back to same hospital and he was kept in. 2 days later told it was cancer. He had a massive tumour in his stomach by this point and his kidneys were failing. He spent 3 weeks in hospital and because of corvid we hardly got to see him, they repeatedly told us waiting for more tests. So many failings . Miss him so badly. The last ohoto I took of him was June 20th and he looked like my Mart. By the time he died which was a short spell he had literally wasted away. I am devastated. I too am seeking answers and won’t rest until I do. Thinking of you xx
Dear Katemart,
Your account of how your young husband died is truly heartbreaking. Unfortunately you are not alone in feeling let down and understandably question how this can happen. Many others on this forum have had a similar situation and are seemingly left to pick up the pieces of a shattered life with little help.
I recently posted on the thread ‘49 and no life as world has been stolen’ in response to someone else who feels doctors/hospitals could do more. I don’t know how to copy that post to this thread.
The doctor/patient relationship risks being totally undermined unless open discussion about treatment is encouraged and accepted as normal. Too many doctors dislike or refuse to be questioned, seeing it as an attack on their ability rather than a need to understand the implications of treatment. Unfortunately when they get it wrong it is not them who live with the consequences. In many cases no-one is to blame but not even trying to learn from negative outcomes is unforgivable. I hope you find the answers you are seeking.
Thinking of you.x
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Hi Jobar, this is a copy and paste of your post …
Hi Ellie,
I totally share your frustration with the system we have of being at the mercy of a doctor’s discretion when it comes to medical investigations. With our current primary care system GPs are the gatekeepers to referral to specialists and as many of us on this site know, it often takes multiple visits and negotiation before such referrals are agreed to. In other European countries patients are free to self refer to specialists and perhaps that’s why in many instances survival rates for cancer and heart conditions surpass those in the UK where up to a quarter of cancers are only discovered in a&e. The cost of an early scan has to be infinitesimal compared with the cost of chemo etc , not to mention the emotional devastation late diagnosis causes. The same goes for heart screening. Many heart conditions are treatable if detected but some screening procedures are discretionary. I believe if they were mandatory fewer people, including my husband, would die prematurely. Waiting for symptoms rather than preempting them is often too late but too many GPs seem not to agree. However it’s not them who suffer the consequences borne by patients and in many cases guilt suffered by relatives.
Even when things go wrong there is little effort in assessing what could have been done better and I find this incredulous. It’s one thing to make a mistake but to make that mistake and refuse to learn from it is unforgivable.
I have today received a letter of apology from the hospital where my husband died following his sudden collapse. They have admitted they made an error in diagnosing his cause of death and by so doing put my two sons at potential risk. I am currently in communication with my MP regarding the inaccuracy of death certificates and the implications this has on research funding and hereditary conditions being overlooked.
Whilst I feel vindicated in pursuing an apology and recognition of the seriousness of their misdiagnosis, I have yet to receive any indication from my GP that perhaps they could have done better.
We live in one of the richest countries in the world and to quibble over the cost of life saving treatment beggars belief. A complete and thorough audit of the system would save thousands of lives every year.
You have suffered an immeasurable double loss and I am so sorry. It’s the worst feeling in the world.xx
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Thank you Abdullah. I would so love to be more technically minded. It’s just another thing my husband used to do. I really appreciate your help.