That just about sums it up. It’s not the life that any of us want or chose.
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@Lostinlimbo hi what you said is so true if I could press a button and end it I would so want to but on the other hand I couldn’t because our pets need me if it wasn’t for them I would do it in a second life without pauline is nothing but emptiness and pain and longing for her its a never ending hell I hope we can all find some peace at some stage or at least some small moments of peace so far I have not had a second where I don’t think of her my thoughts are with you all x
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Dear Lostinlimbo
The number of times people have said ‘stay strong’. Always in texts, never bother to call me. Some are family. If they bothered to call me then they would hear I am not strong. I am one of those just trying to survive for our kids and grandkids. If I am being honest I often get angry that it falls to me alone to ensure that I do nothing intentionally that will bring them extra pain. This used to be a shared responsibility - making sure we were there for them, even though they are adults, but these were the values that me and husband grew up with and tried to live everyday. Now he is gone, I merely exist but not for myself as my life ended the day his did.
Take care all.
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Totally agree, mine did too the day my wife passed.
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Hi Sheila, i guess there’s 3 types of people the common people are just selfish and really have no big interest in the fact you’re grieving and lost unless it benefits them to reach out then they just don’t bother… Then the rare group of people that do care about you but are clueless in what to say, some will just do what they assume you want or need… Stay strong… It’ll get easier… Positive comments they think we wish to hear… And then the limited people… Either widows themselves so they completely understand or exceptionally caring friends or family they really listen to what your telling them…
I’ve spoken to cruse, samaritians, used this community, reddit, my doctor, the suicide line… And yes they all have good points and ideas and listen well but… No talking, listening, advice, medication in the world changes the fact my wife is dead and I ha e no desire to be here without her… But I’m not a monster I don’t want to inflict more pain on my family so I stay for everyone but myself…just as you put it I merely exist but not for myself as we died the day they did…
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I feel your pain …My chap died on the 10/9/2020 after a diagnosis of bladder cancer to compound the misery his treatment at the hands of the NHS was appalling .
Although I complained and went through all the channels they just say sorry that nursing care fell below acceptable standards…It’s not enough the guilt eats me away that I couldn’t help him I couldn’t get in the bloody hospital to be with him …they finally let me in 4 days before he died and I stayed with him night and day .I don’t care about anything anymore but getting justice for him and our family…He was a NHS nurse for 25 years and a good one …You stay with us
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I have found that the NHS seems to be the one organisation that can acknowledge their mistakes, say sorry and then not have to prove that they have changed things to prevent it happening again. I have piles of paperwork from when my dad was terminally ill admitting to failings and assuring me that things would change but how do we know they have?
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NHS to me is like a child… They make a mistake… Try to make out it wasn’t there fault… Finally come clean and assure you it won’t happen again… Which of course is just another lie… That said we’re so lucky we have the NHS a friend of mines mum in America has recently had to fork out nearly $30,000 for a surgery… And our NHS is certainly stretched now compared to say twenty years ago… But obviously when it’s someone we love that has been let down of course your be angry and hurt.
The NHS receives approx 10 000 new claims for compensation every year. The total cost of outstanding compensation claims is estimated at £83 billion, so yeah of course no matter how many times they say it won’t happen again… We know its not true… After all there only human.
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We don’t …Nothing changes
Read and digested…don’t agree wholly never any excuse for poor nursing care and the NHS isn’t free people pay into it all their lives
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You’re right there is never an excuse for poor nursing… My friends mums a nurse and listening to some of the stories she says about short staff and corner cutting and some of what the bosses tell them to do it’s disgusting… And yes granted people that actually work all their life pay into the NHS but let’s face it there is an absolute boat load of people that don’t.
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Hiya…my chap did…worked all his life in the NHS…I have concerns that the NHS is top heavy when he was diagnosed we received 5 letters, each contradicting the appointment times .Talk about the left hand not sure what the right is doing.Just one simple example of mismanagement and poor communication. I could go on but what’s the fuking point…
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I’m sure your chap told you plenty of shocking stories… And yes 5 contradicting letters is a complete joke but certainly doesn’t surprise me…
My wife had spinal problems so we spent a fair bit of time in and out of hospitals and yes the way people are treated is a joke but like you say we could go on but what’s the point.
I read your profile… 30years is a lovely amount of time together obviously you’d have loved eternity… Regardless of time spent it’s never truly enough…
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A myriad of mistakes…i spend a lot of time just reflecting on his poor treatment…I have read your posts about your missus and the pain you feel…They say the amount of grief reflects the love we felt …You look after yourself
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If that is true and the grief we feel mirrors the love we had… Then alot of us are never going to be without grief again…
But yes you take care of yourself too x
I feel that way right now i’m afraid …It’s not optimistic nor for everyone but i’m gonna nurse it a bit …Least i can do for him
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Thankyou for your understanding…your wife was /is loved
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