Melt down

Hi. Have read all your comments and gave taken heart from them. I realise my life will never be the same and will miss my beloved partner so much it is unbearable. He would not want me too be so miserable. It has only been 4 months but seems like 4 years…lilypetal. x

Hello 12remember. I go walking on the beech’s nearby as my husband said he would meet me there. He didn’t tell me which one though and as we are surrounded by sea I am having to try many. I walk and cry all the time, waiting for him to make some contact. A loan seagull landed in the sea just in front of me recently, it bounced around looking intently at me (at least I convinced myself it was watching me) It was only a few feet away and I found myself talking to it just in case it was my Brian. It flew away eventually but circled me a couple of times. Silly little things like that give me hope of contact. I too cry as I know he loved to watch our two dogs play and race after each other and I laugh at them through my tears. Brian was never without a camera, always taking photo’s. So very sad that he won’t ever be walking with me again. He promised me he would always be with me though and I promised that I would always be talking to him as I walked, and I do.

You know sometimes I find myself wishing I hadn’t loved him so much or even met him, Then I wouldn’t have this constant suffering. I know I have wonderful memories but even they only cause me more distress at this moment. Nine weeks now and I’m at the stage where I have to be chatty and upbeat to people I know. Can’t have a miserable face forever. Some friends won’t even let me mention him, they change the subject. I find myself waving to people with a smile and wonder what on earth I’m doing. Going through the motions of some sort of normality, keeping my grief for private times.

I’ve gravitated between the two extremes of wishing I hadn’t loved her, or maybe even met her, and wishing I’d clearly demonstrated just how much I loved her and been less self centred.
I think I’ve just settled for being so glad for 49 years of ups and downs and accept that now it’s time to pay the price. It was completely worth it, even half as long would have been. Probably even much less than that. Its a clear case of Profit and Loss.

George always said that I loved him too much. Would I do it all again - absolutely this is the price we pay for love. On the Order of Service for George’s funeral I quoted ‘It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all’. I am totally honoured to be George’s wife and death will not sever the bond we share. Yes, there are lots of things I regret. The times I said no to meeting him at lunchtime because I was busy at work. Getting up on a Sunday morning to do the housework, when we could have just snuggled up in bed and watched the TV, my priorities have dramatically shifted now. I only had 15 years with George and whilst we did so much in that time, it seems to have gone by in the blink of an eye. One thing I do know is that he knew how much I love him, it was the last thing we said to each other before he died unexpectedly, so I have to hold on to that xx

For us it was our third marriage for both of us We met by sheer chance and always felt it was meant to be. Third time lucky and we had thirty years together. We joked about it and my husband would say that it was about time he changed me for another model. He’d had me longer than any other wife. People would say how long they had been married and we would tell them so had we except that we had done it with three different wives/husbands. I thought I was incapable of really loving but I adored my Brian from the start. We was so different but made it work. He kept telling me how much he loved me. I still have his messages on my phone and around the house and while he was so ill I never stopped telling him how much he was loved. I still keep telling him. Your right of course the price of true love is very high.

It was George’s third marriage and my first. His first marriage ended in divorce and his second wife died. We were so happy together and I absolutely adore him. I know without a shadow of doubt that there will never be anyone else for me. I am married to George end of …

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I feel the same. Brian said I was such a good wife to him that I should find someone else. Not possible I love him too much, no one could take his place. Anyway I’m too long in the tooth to become involved again.

Before George’s second wife died she told him that if she died she would send someone to help bring up the children. I like to think that was me. I always told him if he died first not to bother sending anyone because I would not be interested as he was all I wanted. I may only be 52 but he is my husband and I will always be xx