Memories of Dad

Hi everyone, my lovely Dad passed away very suddenly a few months ago and it was a big shock. The post mortem hasn’t even been very clear on what the cause of death was. Anyhow, I spoke to a counsellor recently who recommended writing memories of my Dad down. This came after speaking to my partner about when my dad said this, and did this etc and she said that my memories of my Dad are so fresh (her Dad passed away 7 years ago and she doesn’t have those kind of memories anymore). So now I write them down, ‘Dear Dad, can you remember when etc’ and I find it quite therapeutic actually. That way I won’t forget my memories and can always go to them when needed. Just thought I would share in case anybody else can get any comfort/use from it. Take care everyone xx

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Hi Steph421,
So sorry to hear of the loss of your Dad and that you haven’t even had any clear answers as to the cause of his death. That must be very difficult for you.
Thank you so much for sharing the idea of writing memories down. I love this idea and will definitely try this with memories of my Mum. Hopefully it will also be something I can share with my son as he gets older too. I do think it is a lovely idea and even better if you get some comfort from it.
Take care x

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Hi. Steph. It’s a good idea to keep a journal. It used to be called a diary, but a journal is more of a posh word!!! It enable you to look back and maybe see the progress you are making. Memories can be written down and we can even have a conversation with our loved ones. Anything that gets thoughts and feelings out in the open must be good. It’s why counselling is so important. ‘Bottling up’ emotions can be harmful, and a journal is one way of releasing feelings.
Good to hear from you Steph. Bless you. John.

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My father of nearly 94 (short of 3 weeks) passed away 6 weeks ago. He had a fall. He waved us goodbye like a soldier heading to the ambulance with a smile only to visit him in hospital the next day and he was in a semi conscious state. Nobody prepared us for how he looked as he was ‘dying! He had no hope coming through the operation with his age and underlying health problems made worse that he never had a proper follow up due to Covid following his stay in hospital in February but still feel guilty that the poor man was left to take risks like that at home. His mind was younger than his body and could not understand the risks involved. There are days when I feel calm and thinking I have accepted the death but other days when I am uncontrollable with tears. Maybe this helps to make me feel calm and settled again. I know people say he had a good long life but it still doesn’t make it easy to think no one was there to hold his hand during his hours if need and having to go through a long op with a large pin in his hip only to find that that killed him in the end. He was so special and I do feel I need to keep the memories alive and need to write these down before they fade

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I am sorry for your loss. You dad sounds like a trouper and it doesn’t matter how old he was…he was your dad and your own personal loss regardless of age. There is nothing or no one that can prepare you for seeing a loved one die because it’s unknown to all of us until it happens. I understand you feeling guilty but you know in our own way we all to a degree think we are invincible. I am 60 but in my head I am still in my 20’s so still take risks that my body being older cannot take but this is human nature, we keep soldering on and maybe that’s a good thing? Or alternative we may give up so your dad obviously did what was best for him. I used to fuss over my dad and he used to look at me and say " would you like me just to sit in a chair all day everyday Lyn as it makes you feel better? Well sorry it’s my life body and mind and I will do what I want" you know what I look back now and think he was right. Grief pulls us in all directions. We try to resist it and then accept it, it’s a constant push and pull and it’s exhausting and wrings out all your emotions.
This may not be for you but it helped me. I kept a journal so as memories of dad popped up I wrote them down (as I was so terrified I would forget them!) I call it my dad journal and I write everything in it. Conversations with dad, memories, just to say hello and everything else totally uncensored and it has bought me so much comfort. Take care and most of all be kind to yourself

Hi Lyn,

Sorry it has taken me so long to thank you for your kind message, I know at the time I must have been in bits, and just left the site, but somehow I have returned 8 months later. The worst is over as it was very intense, now I must keep the memories alive as you say. Hope you are well.

kez